AIBU?

[Flimingo]

Should my 18 years old DS go to “Rock City” club in city centre after his A- Level prom night with his friends?is it safe???

The world isn't going crazy.

The world, is getting ever safer, bit by bit, for virtually every person in every country on the planet. Social media is getting crazy, and makes you think the world is, but it isn't. Strongly recommend the book "Factfulness" if you don't believe me...

But anyway, that's not really the point.

I don't question where those mums and dads were on that random night where bad luck strikes 1, or 2, or 3 or whatever out of the millions of 18 year olds who are going out at night.

I question where they were when those kids were 14, 15, 16, 17 and should have been being guided and parented to turn into relatively competent adults by the time they're 18.

Then why that mom was cursing the “system & gov” that “somebody” should have done something to prevent that death.??

where was she when her son was hanging out with those impulsive lads???

Floors got replaced not so long ago so he's not at risk of being stuck there forever Transport in and out of the city is really good and it's prety safe.

Well maybe her son was an ‘impulsive lad’? Many are. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be allowed to make their own decisions.
If you aren’t going to allow him to do these things at 18, when will you allow them? At some point he’s got to become a competent adult, and that won’t happen if he hasn’t been allowed to make his own decisions and take his own risks. Part of being a teen is learning how to be an adult.
Is he going away to university in September? If so, you’ll have no idea what night clubs he’s in.

I’m glad to hear it 😁, I’m surprised I ever got out!

you are absolutely right.Thats my point.Where were the parents?(off course we are quoting different ages).

Noted “Factfullness” for my next read.Thanks a lot for mentioning

I take it he will go to Uni, are going to ring him and ask where he's going every night.

My son was spiked there and robbed

Totally understand where your coming from op as a mother of 3 adult sons (all 30 + now), they are definitely NOT adults at 18 but you have to let them spread their wings in order to grow up and become responsible adults. Just make sure that they know they can ring you to be collected at any time for any reason and they can trust you not to be angry. I've been called more than once in the early hours and into the car and city centre as fast as possible, once because 19 yr old couldn't get his drunk friend to stand up to walk home, he ended up on bedroom floor with a sick bucket as his dad was a vicar and he wasn't allowed to drink🙄

I am totally with you.I have been preparing him for adulthood and have full confidence in him.He is a descent guy.I am not stopping him to go there.All I am looking for to ask “Dads& mums” here about safety of the club.

Thanks.Thats I was looking for—a mum’s advise/reflection

Oh God😳

I have seen young lads with full blown psychosis needing sections due to spikes,(particularly remembered a young guy whose life aims to join army was ruined due to that one of spike induced psychosis

Yes it was terrible . Nottingham police were involved and thankfully his bank checked cctv an paid back what they’d forced him to remove from the cash point.

Come on.Dont be ridiculous.you know that is not what I mean.

Any and all environments are only as safe as your (DS’) own behaviour.

Practically the best things you can do is give him emergency money for an uber and some chips to sober up, and be a non-judgemental phone call away if he really needs your help or finds himself in a situation which he doesn’t like or feels unsafe in.

I am absolutely not blaming victims at all but usual reminders - watch your drink, watch your mates drinks, if you’ve left it unattended just leave it and buy fresh, and (in a dance environment especially) try and have a water or two if you can.

I went to Rock City around 20 yrs ago, was a really great place and good vibes. Nottingham had a great night life and lots of qwerky bars. It would be my go to place if I had a special night. People are generally very friendly.
I'd defo let my DS go, if he was 18.

At 18 you do need to let go now. It’s a perfectly normal request to go to a nightclub at 18, rite of passage etc. Assume you’ve raised him with all the knowledge of the dangers of drugs, bad choices etc. Now you need to step back, and trust that he puts all of that into practice. You can’t really say no you’re not going. Assume he’s maybe done A levels, off to Uni. If so, he deserves to celebrate all that hard work.

My daughter (17) and her friend were planning a holiday for next summer when they all turn 18. I was quite surprised to hear them saying some parent might say no. And this was them all staying with her dad, in a very safe place as he is a diplomat, can’t get much safer than staying there. I mean if anything goes wrong, they can’t be in a better place for help. My DS (21) has had 2 boys holidays this summer. Doesn’t mean I don’t worry now he is 21 (next month) of course, but you need to let go at that age, and just hope they are sensible.

Because she wants the law to change with young inexperienced drivers, driving around other young people. Also she is grieving and needs to find meaning.