I am the main carer for DD (9). Her dad sees her every other weekend and on a Friday where he collects her from school at 4:30pm and drops her home Saturday morning at 10am. He has her for 15-20% of school holidays. His choice.
He provides child maintenance that he has varied downwards once by 5% in 5 years. He gave no reason for this.
He now has her more than he did at the start of the 5 years (one more day per week equivalent bracket) and has since had another child. He’s was on 6 figures when we split and I can’t imagine that his salary has not increased in that time.
Recently DD had an infection and he refused to care for her over that weekend as he didn’t want to catch it. I agreed and cared for DD. She was off school the following week too and I took time off work to look after her. Once she was well enough she went to her dads for his weekend.
I unfortunately caught the infection but it developed into a severe infection that left me hospitalised and temporarily blinded. He had to keep her an extra 8 nights whilst I recovered enough to be able to care for DD. Once I was well enough (barely) I had her back with me.
Now, he has, for those extra 8 nights ‘charged me’ 50% of the maintenance and given me only half of the monthly amount.
This is the first time he’s had her when I’ve been unwell as he is usually too busy and I have had my family and friends help or hired someone to help me if it was bad. I once got stranded in another country and couldn’t make it back for 2 days and he refused to keep her and dropped her with my DM.
The many times he has been unwell and I have changed my plans to look after her are numerous! He cancelled his weekend when she was ill, when he was ill, when his parents didn’t want him to see her incase he got ill and passed it onto them. When his partner was ill, when his baby was unwell. When he hurt his back. When he’s had work trips. There are a lot and not once have I ‘charged’ him for this privilege. I simply did it as a healthy co-parent and for my daughter.
So I’m really angry at him for doing this and feel it opens the door for him doing this again or me doing it. It’s just super unhealthy! Am I being unreasonable or is he? Any advice on what to do?!
Yes- you are being unreasonable
No- he is being unreasonable
On another note…He won’t disclose his salary. So I have no clue if he is even paying the right amount! He used to contribute 50% of her school fees but has refused to increase the amount over the years and with fees going up yearly plus VAT, he’s now only paying around 30% of DD school fees. I pay for all her extra curricular activities and 11+ tuition too as he claims he can’t afford it. I’m a single parent with another child from a previous relationship and I earn less than him and his partners combined income.