To think ex shouldn’t have left DS with friends for 3 days?

[purpledaze24]

ExH and are share 50/50 care of 4 yo DS. Last week he had to go away for work on his days (which is very rare) and unfortunately I couldn’t have DS as I was also away for work (as I often am when I don’t have DS) ex said he’d arrange for DS to stay with his mum who lives nearby and who DS is very close to & comfortable with and who he’s stayed with many times before. I said that that was fine. However this week I find out that his mum couldn’t have him and instead he stayed with ex’s friends- DS knows them quite well, they’re a couple, no kids, have a nice flat & had a spare bedroom for DS. However he’s never stayed with them before. They’ve babysat for him before but AIBU to think it was completely inappropriate for him to stay with them in an unfamiliar house for FOUR days and 3 nights?! He’s only 4, I worry that he must’ve been really uncomfortable there and I’m pissed off at my ex for doing it. But maybe I’m being unreasonable about it?

YABU

Yes this. He’s only just turned 4! He gets bored within 5 seconds of both video and phone calls, no I don’t speak to him or my ex for the 3 or 4 days he has him. I’m sure that’ll change when he’s older but right now he’s too young

@notimeforregrets Agreed, you can't dictate who the other parent leaves the child with but you can discuss your preferences for different situations. And if you write them down, ambiguity for future situations is avoided.

At the very least OP should express that dad doesn't LIE about who her child is staying with. The people aren't the problem, the lying is, and I think that even when coparenting it's fair to agree that neither parent lies about where or who the child is staying with.

I really don’t think it’s ridiculous. We’re not talking about an evening babysitting here. We’re talking about over half a week where our 4 year old was without any close family nearby. His dad was in another country! And if the roles were reversed I would always consult him if I was going to send him to stay with someone for 4 days without me. We’re co-parents, we usually discuss anything important that affects our son. Hence why it surprised me, but he never usually goes away anywhere so maybe he would’ve always done this. Who knows 🤷‍♀️

Or maybe it’s a one off that’s unlikely to reoccur so there is no need to over react about it. If he’s not got form for lying/hiding things about childcare then I don’t think this is a huge deal. You don’t communicate loads anyway, he’d checked you couldn’t have your son and then arranged alternative care with people your son knew and that he trusted. No harm came to your son and it’s not likely to happen again any time soon. You might not be comfortable with it but really, everything was fine. Maybe just say to him next time if it it’s not a family member please can he let you know. That’s about all you can ask for really.