To think being a realist is often mistaken for being negative?

[OneLuckyPlumPlayer]

I see myself as a realist - I look at facts, likely outcomes, and don’t sugar-coat things. But sometimes people take that as pessimism or a bad attitude.

AIBU to think it’s better to be realistic than overly optimistic or idealistic - even if it’s not always the most “positive” mindset?

I'm pessimistic. This means that I'm rarely disappointed and my life is full of pleasant surprises. As a result I'm happier and more cheerful than many who consider themselves positive.

I’m very optimistic and believe that a positive mindset helps make things happen. I’m probably deluded about an awful lot, but life is more enjoyable deluded than it is being overly realist / aware of the negative (which is what I used to be, so this is not a hypothetical comparison).

Anyone familiar with the saga of Doncaster Sheffield Airport (DSA) will know that it has been closed for more than 2 1/2 years and there is a campaign to get it reopened. The Save DSA folks have a Facebook page where all - AFAIK - are free to pass comment and ask questions. Provided they are of a supportive nature. If you dare to sound a note of caution, admit to a lack of confidence in the reopening or offer an alternative viewpoint, you are branded negative or a supporter or executive at a neighbouring airport. The only saving grace is that such posts do get posted - they're not censored by some blinkered moderator.

I don't know.

But I do know that most people I know who come across as pretty miserable about things in general will often say they're a realist.

So ime I'd say pessimists often mistake their negative views as "realism".

A few years ago I would have thought this. But I've come to realise over the last few years at work that sometimes it's better to not always voice your thoughts as even a bit of negativity can spread easily and bring team morale down just at the worst time. My boss at work is very good at hiding her true feelings and putting a positive spin on things when her staff really need to hear that things will be ok. That's exactly the sort of person you need leading a team when the shit is truly hitting the fan. It's quite a skill to able to have empathy with staff over how difficult things are for everyone, themselves included, and to make sure that difficulties are acknowledged but to also give off the air of "come on, we can do this, people! Once X is done, we only have Y left and soon we'll have achieved Z and it'll be an amazing feeling."

Even though people listening may be doubting how smoothly things are going to go, sometimes you really NEED to hear that positivity.

That's my experience. It's a necessary evil to get you through the day/week/term/year when you have little control over anything. School staff have a quiet moan to each other about in the staffroom now and again about some shitty "initiative" the head wants to bring in but which they've seen fail 10 years earlier etc etc or some other latest trend which will be changed to something else next year, which you know will be detrimental to the staff's wellbeing, be a complete waste of time and ultimately be bad for the child's educational experience.

But for your "school persona", you have to put on your game face. No-one speaks their true mind. It's kind of an acknowledged phenomenon in education. It's a type of Stockholm syndrome. We all know we're all stuck here in this shit pretending everything's ok, we may as well act like it is, maybe we'll eventually believe it is.

Depends what you mean by realist/optimist/pessimist I guess.

For example , let’s say someone gets scammed in a pretty straightforward way.

Realist: ring the bank, provide as much detail as possible, as honest as you can. Ask for help. They might help, but keep in mind you might not get your money back.

Pessimist: what’s the point in ringing them? They’ll just laugh at you, if you even manage to get through. They’ll just think you’re stupid and it’s not their problem and fob you off.

Optimist: Ring the bank, of course they’ll refund all the money to you right away! They have to help!

You would annoy me, as well. I can't stand it when people are always pointing out ways that things could go wrong.

In my experience pessimists like to refer to themselves as realists.

I think there has been some research done to show that pessimists are actually more realistic, ie accurate, then optimists...

This shows pessimists are more intelligent.. https://www.bath.ac.uk/announcements/optimistic-thinking-linked-with-lower-cognitive-abilities-new-research/#:~:text=Research%20from%20the%20University%20of%20Bath%20shows,pessimistic%20in%20their%20expectations%20about%20the%20future.

I have a tactic for people like this - there's a degree of it just wanting to be contrary, so I'll do it to them:

'You won't be able to do this by Wednesday' or 'I don't think you'll be able to do it by Wednesday'

I actually want it by Friday.

Then they'll say 'hmm no but I think Friday is more realistic'.

It’s the whole glass half empty or glass half full scenario.

Reality can be two very different things depending on your outlook and beliefs on life 🤷‍♀️