To think being a realist is often mistaken for being negative?

[OneLuckyPlumPlayer]

I see myself as a realist - I look at facts, likely outcomes, and don’t sugar-coat things. But sometimes people take that as pessimism or a bad attitude.

AIBU to think it’s better to be realistic than overly optimistic or idealistic - even if it’s not always the most “positive” mindset?

Being ‘ realistic’ can be negative as you can’t predict the future either.

Often people already know the potential downsides of something so don’t need it pointing out? It’s easy to be negative and harder to find solutions

Fair enough, I agree that constantly pointing out downsides can feel negative, especially if it’s not asked for. I guess I see realism as more about preparation than pessimism - looking at likely scenarios and possible solutions. But I take your point, it’s all in how and when it’s shared.

I don’t believe in painting people as optimistic or pessimistic - you can be optimistic about one area of your life, and pessimistic / realistic about another. Sometimes realism is needed or people will use ‘optimism’ as an excuse to do nothing, e.g. I’m realistic about climate change as the UK is now on track to be 5.5c warmer by the end of this century, and many people will be deeply affected by that, e.g. we won’t be able to grow crops, and we will inevitably have mass immigration from the parts of the world that become uninhabitable. But I’m fairly optimistic that I won’t personally suffer as much as others because as I’m well off and pretty resilient.. and I know most people are optimistic about their own resilience. But we owe it to the next generation to have a good dose of realism in order to generate the will to avoid them inheriting a nightmare. It’s very difficult to have that conversation though as many people think it’s depressing, pessimistic, not established science, and not their problem, and then they vote for parties like Reform. We’ve got an unhealthy culture in this country when it comes to discussing difficult subjects, but that doesn’t mean you’re the one with the problem.

Idk

A lot of people who call themselves a realist aren’t at all. I can’t speak for you OP, but many are down right miserable and very pessimistic.

Are you likely to actually be alive at the end of the century?

It's not being negative or pessimistic if you ask questions such as, "How much time would it take to make that product to sell on Etsy? What would you sell it for? What would your profit margin be?" It would be pessimistic to say, "There's no point making anything to sell on Etsy. You'll never make any money."

Oh dear me, those in my life who are fond of realism or who are “a spade is a spade” kind of people are extremely hard work and very difficult to be around.
I can never just have a conversation with them. They need to wedge in the negative possibilities of situations and scenarios.
They nearly always have a side order of “I know better” as well.

I would avoid you like I avoid them.

I am a realist but would say I am actually quite an optimistic kind of person. I expect the best but prepare for the worst.
I have some money saved incase things breakdown and I carry an emergency kit in my handbag, just things like plasters, tissues, hand gel, some cash etc

I feel like everybody thinks that they are a realist but everyone's their perception of reality is shaped by a combination of their experiences, personality, genetics and other factors out of our control.

Op you are no less deluded than the rest of us!

YANBU but some people's idea of being a realist is so drastically skewed and blinkered it's just ridiculous.

My BIL considers himself to be a realist. He moans about everything and everyone and claims he's just being realistic. It's laughable!

I was going to say this - everyone by nature thinks they are the realistic one!

Anything can happen in the future so it's perfectly realistic to have whatever view you wish about it. If, however, you constantly predict negative future outcomes then yes you are obviously a pessimist.

When people describe themselves in this way I don't sugarcoat it makes me wonder how other people would describe their delivery style!

You can be a realist who also understands that sometimes a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

Just looked up the definition of a realist = person who accepts a situation as it is and is prepared to deal with it accordingly.

You can choose to deal with the situation optimistically or negatively.

It's as possible to be a optimistic realist as a negative realist. The former is probably a more positive, happy person to be around and research shows optimists are happier, more successful and healthier.

Why as a realist are you constantly point out the downsides?

I’m not sure if you have a specific scenario in mind but if you are talking about life in general then things are as likely to turn out well as badly surely?

No, it is negative, if you consider yourself a realist, do you share your thoughts out loud.

Facts and stats can be interpretated differently, it would be arrogant to think only you know the 'true' outcome

I don't sugar coat is the same as when people say I speak as I find. Mostly people would rather they didn't.

To think being negative is often mistaken for being a realist

Or not keep ramming your brand of ‘realism’ down people’s throats. Fair enough, if asked for your take on something you know about, but otherwise you’re just being a moany bore.

I had an uncle who would have regarded himself as a ‘realist’. Every year, as soon as the longest day had passed, he would suck his teeth, sigh and say ‘The evenings are starting to draw in already.’ Literally true? Sure. Not particularly relevant to glorious summer evenings in early July when you’re talking about a matter of minutes? Also true.

And did he ever say, on December 21st, ‘The days are starting to get longer now’? Never.

So is the world going to end soon op?

I think it really depends on the context in individual situations. I find sometimes in education, for example, that there is so much emphasis on being positive that concerns are dismissed and played down.

I don't sugarcoat often translates as I enjoy bursting people's bubbles and kicking them when they are down.

I totally get this. I think of myself as realist. While I would say I'm a total pessimist,I do try to be prepared for the worst whilst being prepared for the worst. I have one friend who insists on being relentlessly optimistic and she gets irritated by me being negative. She doesn't seem to get that it's OK to prepared for the worst sometimes.

Are you being ‘real’ to her while she’s being positive, though? And are these things that she’s asked for your input on?