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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if anyone else found it hard handing over their savings to buy a house?!

58 replies

Kitchenbattle · 03/07/2025 15:02

😅 it’s such a first world problem I know…but no one tells you how hard it is to hand over everything you have saved for years (and yes I know you get a house in return!) but looking at your bank accounts after is gutting in one way…Isn’t it? Anyone else feel this way? 😅

OP posts:
McCartneyOnTheHeath · 04/07/2025 15:42

Yes! My deposit was about three years' salary. I was genuinely sad that taking an extended break from work would no longer be an option for me. Not that I particularly wanted to, but still...

iamnotalemon · 04/07/2025 17:30

comeandhaveteawithme · 04/07/2025 13:26

What a tone deaf post.

My heart bleeds for you all

Oh for goodness sake. I’ve worked bloody hard to save my deposit over SIX YEARS. Yes I am fortunate to be in this position but that’s down to my hard work and for making sacrifices.

comeandhaveteawithme · 04/07/2025 20:21

iamnotalemon · 04/07/2025 17:30

Oh for goodness sake. I’ve worked bloody hard to save my deposit over SIX YEARS. Yes I am fortunate to be in this position but that’s down to my hard work and for making sacrifices.

OK, but you've got a house with it?

I don't get what the problem is.

Like, I can understand working hard and making sacrifices and still not being in a position to save enough for a deposit, but I don't get being sad about buying the thing you've been saving for?

Don't buy it then?

Just a strange and self indulgent post

Kitchenbattle · 04/07/2025 21:21

comeandhaveteawithme · 04/07/2025 20:21

OK, but you've got a house with it?

I don't get what the problem is.

Like, I can understand working hard and making sacrifices and still not being in a position to save enough for a deposit, but I don't get being sad about buying the thing you've been saving for?

Don't buy it then?

Just a strange and self indulgent post

No one said the were sad…i certainly didn’t…I said it was HARD to hand over the money. It’s a big deal…clearly as many others agree.

OP posts:
comeandhaveteawithme · 04/07/2025 22:14

Kitchenbattle · 04/07/2025 21:21

No one said the were sad…i certainly didn’t…I said it was HARD to hand over the money. It’s a big deal…clearly as many others agree.

Ok. I don't get it but OK

PepsiForEva · 04/07/2025 22:17

Yes! I am fiscally conservative and having a large chunk of money somewhere i could see it was comforting.

I panicked when we bought out house. The mortgage payments though were slightly less than our rent so I was ridiculously tight until I got a chunk saved again. (And then the boiler broke and the clutch on our car needed replacing).

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/07/2025 22:19

I voted YABU, not because I think you’re being unreasonable to feel that way, but to indicate that I didn’t feel that way. Our first house we only had a small deposit anyway (different times), we then stepped off the ladder and rented for a few years, so kept the money from the sale in the bank and kept adding to it where we could. The financial markets were pretty uncertain at the time we bought our second house so I was mainly relieved to have our money securely locked away in a house again. I’d been worrying that things would go so badly wrong the amount we had would not be enough for a deposit.

IzzyN · 04/07/2025 22:21

Some classic MN humble bragging here!

comeandhaveteawithme · 04/07/2025 22:21

IzzyN · 04/07/2025 22:21

Some classic MN humble bragging here!

Yep

IzzyN · 04/07/2025 22:22

comeandhaveteawithme · 04/07/2025 22:21

Yep

The site isn’t just awash with six figure earners…there are plenty of six figure depositors too 😂

eurochick · 05/07/2025 08:03

I didn’t feel like this about the deposit money but I did about the stamp duty. I really resented paying thousands to the government just to move because I live in an area of the country where housing is expensive. It too years of saving just to pay that.

UncertainPerson · 05/07/2025 08:11

Omg we have had to liquidate every scrap of funds to go from shared ownership to our own place 🙈😬. But I know it will be worth it.

Steelworks · 05/07/2025 08:22

Not for a house, but for a car. It’s nice to have that financial security in the bank.

Withdjsns · 05/07/2025 08:23

Yes I felt like I was giving away my security blanket! However once I moved I realised I felt much more secure in my own house than renting

Shenmen · 05/07/2025 08:41

comeandhaveteawithme · 04/07/2025 20:21

OK, but you've got a house with it?

I don't get what the problem is.

Like, I can understand working hard and making sacrifices and still not being in a position to save enough for a deposit, but I don't get being sad about buying the thing you've been saving for?

Don't buy it then?

Just a strange and self indulgent post

I think you are being strange. More than 50% of 40 year olds own their own home.
Many people spend years saving and scrapping and working hard to get to that position. She's hardly saying my mum gave me £50k it's so hard to part with it.

ViciousCurrentBun · 05/07/2025 08:46

I remember when we bought our house the next door neighbours who were in their fifties said you will pay off the mortgage one day and it seemed so distant. Well here we are all paid off, they are still our neighbours in their seventies now and we are now them!

It is hard to part with a huge chunk of money as it may still be an asset but it’s tied up.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 05/07/2025 09:54

comeandhaveteawithme · 04/07/2025 22:14

Ok. I don't get it but OK

It’s about the loss of a safety net for me.

the money was a deposit for a house, that is what we’d been saving for - however it also was our savings so if something else had happened that meant we needed a big chunk of money fast, no problem, we’d have dipped into the savings and just have to wait longer to buy.

At the time, we needed a car for work so if our car had died before buying the house, we’d have gone out and replaced it buying a 2nd hand car with our house savings immediately. We had a family member living overseas (long haul destination, not cheap flight distance!), so if she’d had an emergency, we’d have just bought a ticket and gone, no problems. If one of us lost their job, we’d have savings we could dip into to cover bills until they found another.

But the day we bought, we handed over all our savings, all our safety net was gone into this house. Yes we now had a house with it, and yes we were able to continue to save and rebuild our safety net over the next few years, but after having around 7-8 years of a savings pot that was enough to cover all life emergencies we could see ourselves experiencing, it was quite scary to go back to the position of having no financial back up if something went wrong.

Kitchenbattle · 05/07/2025 10:05

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 05/07/2025 09:54

It’s about the loss of a safety net for me.

the money was a deposit for a house, that is what we’d been saving for - however it also was our savings so if something else had happened that meant we needed a big chunk of money fast, no problem, we’d have dipped into the savings and just have to wait longer to buy.

At the time, we needed a car for work so if our car had died before buying the house, we’d have gone out and replaced it buying a 2nd hand car with our house savings immediately. We had a family member living overseas (long haul destination, not cheap flight distance!), so if she’d had an emergency, we’d have just bought a ticket and gone, no problems. If one of us lost their job, we’d have savings we could dip into to cover bills until they found another.

But the day we bought, we handed over all our savings, all our safety net was gone into this house. Yes we now had a house with it, and yes we were able to continue to save and rebuild our safety net over the next few years, but after having around 7-8 years of a savings pot that was enough to cover all life emergencies we could see ourselves experiencing, it was quite scary to go back to the position of having no financial back up if something went wrong.

Yes! Exactly this!

OP posts:
Thepossibility · 05/07/2025 10:44

I actually found it a bit thrilling. It helps that I love the house though. I enjoy the house far more than seeing the money in the bank. It was frustrating having the money but not the house!

Aaaaaaaaawwwwwww · 05/07/2025 10:55

We’re getting some work done soon and will be in a very similar position. I also find it unsettling not having the comfort blanket anymore.

Kago2790 · 05/07/2025 10:59

It's also the passive interest growth I miss. I would sometimes look at my ISA and think wow, I earned this much this month for doing nothing. Must be great to be rich when that amount is many times more in passive income.

Soontobe60 · 05/07/2025 11:29

I just thought ‘my savings are now being held as bricks and mortar rather than cash in the bank’. I now include the equity in my house (all its value as we paid off the mortgage) when I calculate my ‘savings’. I’m amazed that I’m worth almost half a million but bought the house for £45k 😂

comeandhaveteawithme · 06/07/2025 17:17

Shenmen · 05/07/2025 08:41

I think you are being strange. More than 50% of 40 year olds own their own home.
Many people spend years saving and scrapping and working hard to get to that position. She's hardly saying my mum gave me £50k it's so hard to part with it.

I'm just saying I don't understand, that's all. Not that they're wrong for feeling that way.

You're not "parting" with it - you're getting a house?

You've saved to buy a thing and now you're done saving and getting to buy the thing, the whole thing you were saving for. I don't see where the loss is? if you don't want to part with it then don't buy the house?

People's brains work in different ways, I guess.

Temporaryname158 · 06/07/2025 17:29

I had £300 to my name when I’d paid the house deposit and solicitors etc, I was young enough to not worry too much but I certainly had no financial security and a big renovation to do.

20 years later lots on the house needs re-doing again but I don’t have the funds so am just doing the essential works and saving my emergency fund for big emergencies.

I worry about money a lot and fear not having enough so try and be as financially savvy as I can be

Caligirl80 · 06/07/2025 17:44

Of course it's normal! You know the value of the work and time that went into having that money. It can be worrying for some people to see that money suddenly "gone" - it isn't, it's in the house, but it's a change in routine that some people can find difficult to wrap their heads around.

For others, the issue with buying a house is that you've suddenly turned liquid assets into illiquid assets. For them that can cause a feeling of a loss of control and a loss of choices/options.

For others it can be disconcerting putting their savings into something that is co-owned with someone else.

Difficulty with change, especially if you have lingering doubts about the house purchase, can cause anxiety too.

It's good to try to figure out the underlying cause of the anxiety - if only so you can address that cause. It will be different for everyone

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