to find it difficult to deal with my DH's ex and her partner

[sandwichlover93]

They are really judgemental about me and my life (and DH). I have 1 DSC so will be connected to them for at least the next decade. They are sanctimonious and feel that we should live our lives the way they do (FWIW, I find their lives depressing and weird but I believe in live and let live so don't really care but they seem obsessed with our lives, under the guise of 'being concerned about DC'). They are just hugely unpleasant. I need to learn to ignore them, and just not care what they think! But have slowly realised that I find this really difficult. I am a kind person, have a caring job, good relationship with DSC, do not drink/smoke/do drugs.... but they think I am a piece of dirt (as well as DH). The ex always has to be in control so it makes us retreat because nothing we ever do is good enough - have really tried but have now realised nothing we do will be 'right'.

Help me to have a thicker skin pls!

Are they religious?

What exactly is it they don't like? Thicker skin really is the only option, unless you're running a brothel from the house or something!

Sounds like you might need to grey rock so they don't have opportunity to share their thoughts.

How much time are you spending with them that they feel able to voice their disapproval? Could you reduce this?

No, just sanctimonious.

What is it about your life that they disapprove of?

They just have a very set idea of what life should look like - 2.4 children, white picket fence, sleepy village life and that is not what my life looks like... but they basically act as if I am running a crack house from my living room. Our life/home etc is normal but it really makes me question things.

I've not heard of this before, I will do some reading up on it.

Not that much time but I see them/communicate with them during pick ups/drop offs/school assemblies/sorting out logistics. I am partially involved in those things as DH and I are a team and I want to be involved in my DSC's life but I am not sure this stuff is sustainable. Feel like I am caught in a rock and a hard place though - as reducing all of that will potentially affect relationship with DSC (or maybe it won't?).

It would be too outing to go into particular details but they just think we are shit people. To think of an example to illustrate it (this isn't an actual example but this will give you an idea): thinking we do not care about DSC because they have a single bed, not a double bed here, and are probably spending the money we would spend on a double bed on ourselves. Just ludicrous stuff as if their decisions are the gold standard that must be met.

Well to be honest those things sound so ridiculous that I’d just completely ignore. File it away in the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ compartment of your brain and keep doing you!

I find ‘That’s one point of view’, before changing the subject of the conversation, a useful phrase.

Never apologise, never explain. Never elaborate.