To be upset by DH’s ‘itinerary’ for best friends stag do?

[Lau93]

DH is the best man for his closest friend who is getting married at the end of the July - the stag is next week in Prague.

DH has organised it and I’ve seen the ‘itinerary’ he has put in the group chat. For one of the nights he has put the name of a strip club and underneath various prices, similar to this:

Entry (compulsory) - £cost
Dance for the stag (compulsory) - £cost
Private dance - £cost
Table dance - £cost
Extras -£enquire direct

His defence is that it is to help everyone plan costs and that a couple of the single members of the group (which is about 10-15 strong) have kept asking so this will shut them up.

I am not naive enough to think a stag do wouldn’t involve a strip club but to see it laid out like that has upset me.

I would take that as compulsory if you want entry to the strip club….. anyone not wanting to go in could easily say I’ll wait in X bar see you after

I can’t think of anyone I know going to a strip club on their stag, or hen for that matter. Prague has incredible restaurants, bars and nightclubs. Their beer spas are a wonder. Before we even get to the ick factor, the strip club is just so unimaginative. What a dull waste of everyone’s time and money.

Wtf are extras in a strip club? 😬😬

Yip. 100% agree with this

Private dances are covered elsewhere on the list so extras must mean hand jobs / blow jobs.

What a lovely bunch of blokes they sound.

Disgusting and I would be making it very clear that it would be over between us if he attends.

I have a friend who used to be a stripper. She said many times they would be trying to touch her or ask for extras. They also dance fully naked on the men.

Call me a prude but any partner of mine would have their bags packed and be out the door if they were paying for a woman to hover their fanny over them!

and sex.

Not necessarily.

I Googled a couple of Prague strip clubs and they seem to have extensive menus of different sorts of shows you can book. The descriptions were quite vague, but they don’t sound like hand jobs 😂

An awful lot of a certain kind of man men wouldn’t actually give a shit I think - they can easily compartmentalise and just think it’s entertainment - not dissimilar to porn where men say ‘ I don’t mind if you watch it’ when caught out by a pissed off wife - knowing full well far less women do on a regular basis if at all -

That is just not true. A high percentage of men have never been to strip clubs and never will. Maybe in your client base but it's far far from the norm.

@cardibach I think it may well be closer to 70/30

@cardibach I think it may well be closer to 70/30

The fact you believe that all stag dos involve a strip club tells me that your husband loves a strip club.

Sounds like they work in a very specific field of party planning….

Guys I dated or been with would not know what to do about going to a strip club. They would have no idea what goes on inside (apart from the obvious) and how much you have to pay. Because, OP, they never been to one and have no interest in going.

Your husband seem to be an expert. That's gross.

“Not all men are pigs” my son informed me!

Well, it’s pretty much the main reason for going to Prague on a stag. If that’s the destination, it’s a fair assumption to make.

In terms of extras, the list is pretty much endless if you’re prepared to pay for it but it doesn’t necessarily involve things being done to the man, it could be a lesbian show or a dildo show etc.

Not my bag, but I’ve heard the stories

Possibly. I tend to think my 80% is conservative though.

anecdotally, male friends are unanimous in stating that Prague has been the destination where they have seen the worst behaviours relating to the sex industry. Talk of being able to pay the sex workers to do anything.
the fact your husband has a price list like what you detail suggests he has been recommended or investigated sone of the seediest establishments.
i wouldn’t be happy with my husband if he had done this. I certainly wouldn’t want to go to a wedding not knowing if the bride was ok with her fiancé having a compulsary dance.
im getting the major ick from this post.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this and had to see that on your husband’s phone. Regardless of how you feel about strip clubs, that message seems very disrespectful. Ultimately the bottom line is two things: do you truthfully trust your husband, and secondly, is him getting a lap dance (or worse) crossing a boundary for you? If it is, then you need to be firm and make it very clear how it makes you feel. Remember, you don’t have to accept or put up with anything that makes you feel upset or disrespected. If he still chooses to do it anyway, then you know where you stand. Big hugs to you, and remember his actions are no reflection of your own worth, attractiveness or anything else. Xxx

Ahhhh another of the "my DH has no interest in things like that"
He is interested enough to make an itinerary, thinks it is compulsory for the stag and has done plenty of research.
What a lovely thoughtful chap he seems...

Take your rose tinted glasses off he isnt just doing this out of the goodness of his heart.

For context if he didn't want to go he doesn't have to.... when away last we met a bunch of males on a stag doo. They were getting pissed and having fun.

A few of their party were at a strip club. They didn't want any involvement so grew a pair and said no thanks to the invite.

You have zero idea that that's true. You've pulled that out of your arse thin air

You realise most other women married to the
men on this group think the same?

so there is no problem at all !

Sorry but that is terrible

Oh. Hell. No.
“Compulsory” lap dances? “Extras – enquire direct”?! What is this, an sleazy male adult holiday package or a stag night? Did you marry a best man or an unpleasant tour operator?
It’s not just about the strip club—it’s about tone. It’s about intent. It’s about the casual assumption that of course there will be objectification, secret extras, and group consensus to go along with it. And the way he’s trying to brush it off? “Just helping them budget”? Oh, please. That’s some slick PR spin.
He’s trying to play both sides: act like the responsible guy in the group while enjoying the perks of planning a sex-themed getaway. Meanwhile, you’re left at home stewing with a spreadsheet on your home laptop of his moral flexibility.
You're not unreasonable. You’re reasonable for thinking that “enquire direct” isn’t something your husband should be facilitating on any level. And if he thinks this is no big deal, maybe it’s time for a very big conversation.
You don’t need to scream. You don’t need to throw ultimatums. But you do need to remind him that respect in a marriage includes tone, intentions, and boundaries. And if he doesn’t get that? Then he might be “enquiring direct” about a lonely plane ride home.