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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DD’s boyfriend might have an eating disorder?

2 replies

KeepingItReal999 · 03/07/2025 09:59

DD (19) has been seeing her boyfriend (just turned 18) for about 6 months. He’s at ours a lot lately – pretty much here more than he’s at home tbh. I don’t mind, he’s polite and keeps himself to himself mostly, but it’s clear things aren’t great at his house (not my place to go into it but there’s stuff going on).

When they first got together he’d eat whatever I made – proper meals, roast, pasta bake, chilli – no fuss, always said thanks. But for the past few weeks, maybe longer, he’s started saying he’s “not hungry” whenever I put dinner on. I didn’t think too much at first, teenagers have weird appetites, but I started noticing he’ll still eat snacks later – like crisps, chocolate, fizzy drinks he brings with him.

About 3 weeks ago I heard him being sick in the loo. It was definitely that sound, sorry if TMI. I asked if he was alright when he came out and he straight up said he hadn’t been sick, just brushed it off.

Last night it happened again – didn’t eat dinner, then later I heard him being sick again. This time when he came out his face was flushed and his eyes were watery. I asked again if he was OK and he admitted he had been sick, but said he wasn’t feeling great earlier and was fine now.

He’s slim, always has been – not underweight but definitely on the thinner side. Doesn’t seem overly into exercise or anything like that. Never seen him overeat or scoff loads, just kind of picks at food when he does eat.

I dunno – maybe I’m reading too much into it, but it’s starting to niggle at me. He’s here a lot, he’s a sweet lad, and I do worry if there’s more going on, especially with everything at home. AIBU to be thinking eating disorder? Or could it be something else? Anxiety? Stomach issues?

Would you say something to DD? Or just keep an eye and see how it goes? Not sure what’s best, don’t want to make things awkward for him or DD.

OP posts:
BusMumsHoliday · 03/07/2025 10:13

There could be something going on, but because they are adults, and he's not your child, I think you need to be light touch.

If he's genuinely welcome in your home, I'd start saying that you enjoy his company, and that you're always pleased to have him round.

Could you ask your DD whether she and her boyfriend would like to have some input into meals since he's around more often and you want to make sure you're cooking things they both like? That might open up the conversation a bit.

5128gap · 03/07/2025 10:19

I'd talk to DD. They are adults, but they're young adults and DD may well be concerned herself and lack the experience to deal with it. There are many things that could be causing this, from a mild temporary digestive issue to an ED, to substance use. I'd lightly mention to DD that BF had been unwell lately, and was he OK, and see if that opened a conversation. If not I'd do some discrete watchful waiting and be ready to support my DD if she needed help to deal with something.

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