Children should have joint parties?

[Pennyforyourthoughtsplease]

Time and time again I see that parents see children's birthday parties as an inconvenience. Personally I think they are quite excessive and very materialistic.
AIBU to think more people should have joint parties? Less expense and waste for everyone, kids still have fun and it will free up time in the weekends too. It should also help children to not be excluded as you could invite more people. AIBU?

That’s okay if you gave the same set of grinds and the birthdays are near each other. Gets more complicated if you need to invite lots of family members, non-school friends etc.

Also, fir parents there’s then the dilemma of do you get both birthday children a present if you only know one etc

Why do you care so much about children’s parties?

Up to the individuals, entirely. There can be good reasons not to have joint parties, and actually lots of people don't mind kids' parties, it's just the ones who do who will speak up about it.

When mine were young, some of the mums loved catching up for a chat and a coffee while their kids were entertained, some used it as a chance to drop the kid off for an hour or two. Rarely heard complaints.

Exclusion is just part of life and has to be dealt with on an individual basis as part of an individual circumstance.

It sounds like a good idea in theory, but we've recently had to say no to a joint party suggestion. Our son struggles in large groups so we've made a conscious decision to keep numbers small this time.

That sounds awful to me. From a planning perspective, it’s enough work throwing a party, I don’t want to add coordinating with other parents and navigating all the issues that can arise with not everyone having the same exact priorities and budget.

I'm actually having a joint party for my daughter this year. Only because it just so happens that her best friends birthday is within a few weeks and the mum asked if we would like to. I would not do a joint party with any random child just because birthdays are close.

Massive pro is that it halves the cost and you can share the organisation. However you end up having to compromise on things. We've had to limit to school only friends as there isn't even enough space to invite everyone they want from school. So wider friends are missing out, which feels awkward when she's gone to their party.

I'm not sure how it helps fewer children to be excluded? Most parties will be limited numbers due to the size of the venue or restrictions on the activity.

Yes of course parties might be an inconvenience to parents but they aren't for you. I make that sacrifice of a few hours on a weekend knowing that my daughter will have an amazing time. I actually don't mind going and chatting to the other parents. Or just sitting having a coffee. It's not forever soon they will turn to drop and go parties. And as kids form tighter friendship groups they won't invite the whole class so won't be as many parties to go to anyway.

Lots of people do, I did a couple of times when DDs were 5/6 and having whole class parties. DD2 even organised a joint celebration this year with a friend when they were turning 16/17 together. But I wouldn't ask them to do it every year.

Feeling excluded is a part of life. Better to learn the lesson when they are young. As an adult you’re not going to be invited to everything. Up to the parents to deal with it.

I suspect they are the type to complain when they aren’t invited to a colleagues wedding.

We had joint parties for my two DC when they were at infant school, we invited a handful of each of their friends and the friends brought a gift just for the DC they knew. My DC liked that they shared the spotlight as both were quite shy back then.

I also had a joint party one DC and one of their classmates in later years - quite often kids doubled up on parties and invited the whole class. At our school we organised it this way in part because the birthdays were clustered together. Mostly the birthday kids got two (probably smaller) gifts but when they’re getting 20+ it hardly matters.

As a parent I preferred to double up on gifts for a double party and not have both days of the weekend taken up by separate parties. we live in a small town and there are limited options for group parties, inevitably you’d visit the same party location 5/6/7 times a year.

I disagree that children "should" have joint parties. They can be great but so can individual parties.

We did it once for dd when she was in year 1. There were 5 girls in the class with birthdays fairly very together and we picked a date in the middle.

Whole class party which was the normal thing to do at that age in our area. Easy to organise. Much cheaper for each birthday family than later individual parties.

We asked guests to bring one present and to put a label saying who it was from but not who it was for. At the end of the party, each birthday girl had a bin bag and took in turns to pick a wrapped present to put in it.

They had half a dozen presents each which was plenty as they would have had family presents outside of the party.

I agree with the problem - but disagree with the solution.

For me, Birthday parties should be smaller and with people who actually care about the birthday boy/girl. Friends, family, etc. People close to them.

What annoys me is the mass "lets invite everyone in the class!" type parties that are so common. Why? Why do you want so many people there, half of which don't care about your child? All it does is end up in a big expense, mound of gifts, and a whole lot of stress.

Is it just to make the child feel special? Or Jealousy because X had a huge party, so now I must give one to my little one? Or they won't feel special?

Personally it sets a bad example. Children should find that special warm feeling from being surrounded by people who love them, not because of the amount of people there.

Were everyone to go back to smaller more intimate parties, I think it would help solve the problem, without the need for joint events.

I never had a party for any of my children, we didn't have a lot of many and it seemed a huge waste of money. We just invited family round and maybe 1 friend for home made pizza or a bbq and a cake. I am shocked at how much is spent on small children's parties. Might throw one for my daughters upcoming 30th though, now I can afford it.

I find weddings a far bigger pain in the arse to attend, more wasteful and often excessive but I doubt many women would be impressed with a suggestion they have a joint hen and a joint wedding to save guests inconvenience.

What a miserable thread.