Less than empathetic responses to a FB post

[ComeTheMoment]

I never thought I would post about something like this, but I have just left a less than sympathetic response to someone who posted on one of my FB groups. I don’t want to out myself, so I hope this doesn’t sound too vague. The FB group in question is for those who have a certain medical condition that has led to surgery, the outcome of which can be uncertain. The poster was complaining that following their surgery, their GP misunderstood and thought the outcome was worse than it was. My own surgery led to a worsening outcome, as can happen in some complex cases. Maybe I should have just scrolled on by but I couldn’t help but comment that at least she had had a positive outcome and really why was she complaining? I didn’t swear, but I probably did come across as quite sour. I wouldn’t normally respond like this, but frankly the poster was being self-indulgent andit touched a nerve. The FB group rules are to be kind at all times.

WIBU?

You absolutely should have just scrolled on by, totally unnecessary

Well yes. People are entitled to feel what they want to feel and just because you have had it worse you shouldn't make someone feel bad for how they feel.

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

You should have just scrolled by.

Why did you feel the need to be me-centric on someone else's post? It's not a competition is it?

I get where you're coming from.

It can be really frustrating when you've had a 'worse' experience and it seems someone else is garnering sympathy when they haven't had it as bad. I do get that. It can evoke some indignation.

But in life, It does seem that "the squeaky wheels gets the oil" applies. So I guess, it depends , do you want to be that 'squeaky wheel?' (i.e do you want to attract attention to yourself and get supportive (but essentially empty) messages of support on Facebook or similar? If you do,get vocal about your own issues you're having.

If you don't want that though, and keep fairly quiet about your struggles, then part of that choice is that you won't receive the outpour of support. Depends what you want. But you have to accept that someone else has indeed been more vocal and has got the feedback.

It's probably better for your mental health to just scroll on by next time. Especially on those type of groups (I think they can wind up being 'competitive' with symptoms etc in a doomful way )

Have a good moan instead to a friend /partner.

You sound like the posters on here that come along to threads where an OP is complaining about their mum and point out that they should be grateful to even have one because theirs is dead

Not at all. My point was that she had a good outcome and was still complaining.

Have you thought it's good when people have asked why you're complaining about anything?

Id expect a medical condition group to be self indulgent, rightly so. It's one of the very few places people can moan, vent and be understood.

It was obviously still a scary experience for that person.

They are allowed to be pissed off, and annoyed, and vent even if you've got it worse.

I'm guessing there's probably at least one person that has died during the surgery you have had..... So you shouldn't complain about having a "worse" outcome because your still alive 🤷

People are entitled to their feelings and given it's a support group for that situation it should be a place to vent etc, it's also natural to be concerned when a GP has wrong info

Absolute to this.... "oh you're so lucky to have an abusive/narcissist/alcoholic/freeloader mum... I'd love to have that"...🤨

You could have just ignored it and scrolled on, so yes, YABU.

Aw @ComeTheMoment I do think YWBU, but I also completely get it.

I have a chronic illness. A couple, in fact. And sometimes if my sister or a friend is complaining about cramps, I find myself thinking "aren't you bloody lucky to only have that to worry about".

But I also recognize how unfair I am to think that way. It's not their fault that I have this disease and my symptoms being worse doesn't negate their own problems.

Like, my husband is an orphan. Sometimes I have a whine about my mum. He must think, well at least you have one, but he never says it because him being an orphan doesn't mean my mum was less annoying in that situation.

To that FB woman, that situation was scary and stressful. It's not objectively worse than yours but that doesn't invalidate her feelings around her own circumstances.

It was a little unkind, but sometimes dealing with ongoing or chronic illnesses can feel like psychological warfare! So it's understandable to lash out every once in a while.

You should go back and delete your comment

You seem to have made this thread to justify being horrible to someone who’s having a hard time. Why?

Facebook is not the place to air your grievances. It just makes you look like a tit.

This a problem of support groups in general, not just on FB.

You have a group of people who wouldn't normally have anything in common, apart from this diagnosis.

Some people in the group will be more seriously affected than others. However it isn't always those most heavily affected that shout the loudest - which can be upsetting for those who are more unwell.

It doesn't mean those who are less unwell don't still need support, just that it's difficult without at times treading on others toes.

If the FB group isn't working for you I'd look for another where posters have more similar needs to you. Or just exercise a mental filter and skip any posts by 'good outcome from surgery' posters as they are going to get on your nerves.

Yabu her post wasent about you..

Because she wasn't having a hard time. She was having a self indulgent whinge because her GP didn't quite get it

I agree and have unfollowed the group

You didn’t start this thread to justify your mean message?

They were complaining that they had received poor medical care, they weren’t complaining that their condition had improved. YABU.

You'll be rightfully banned, anyway.