AIBU to think my partner should have picked me up when he said he would during a MC

[Almondsandavocados]

I’ve been unlucky trying to conceive DC2- one MMC at 9weeks last Nov, one MMC at 12 weeks this April. Tested positive after AF was a day late 6 days ago, but begun bleeding yesterday with a negative test, so am obviously gutted and maybe overly sensitive right now…

We share a car, today is my day off I have with our DC1, I usually have the car. DP asked if he could have the car, but owing to my bleeding if I needed anything he “didn’t have much on so could come get me whenever I needed”. I told him that if I felt up for it my plan was to take DC on a walk to run an errand, I’d packed a lunch so we could go to the park on the way back. I made this plan as I felt okay this morning after taking pain meds and needed a distraction.

I felt fine but 15 minutes into the (20 minute) walk I suddenly had bad cramping come on and felt dizzy. I rang DP, explained this and he said he’d be there in 10. I said I’d wait at the nearby bakery and get a cool drink.
Anyway, after 20 minutes DC (2.5years) was getting very restless and no DP. I rang but no answer, I assumed he was driving so waited more. After 5 more minutes called again, again no answer. DC was very restless obviously and I was feeling upset. I finally got through to DP and he’d not left yet!
He finally arrived 45 minutes after he said “10 minutes”.
He was then angry that I was upset at him, but all I was trying to say was that I could have planned differently if he’d said he would be 45 minute not 10. He was angry that I couldn’t understand he was busy and couldn’t “drop everything!” - he thinks I was being unreasonable asking that… but my issue is I wouldn’t normally ask that, I was just taking up his offer and trusting him that he would come in the time he said.
DP was genuinely really angry, yelled at me for crying (my hormones are a mess) and saying repeatedly he did nothing wrong.

So, am I unreasonable for thinking that if you say you’re coming in 10 minutes then stick with that? Especially if it’s to pick up someone feeling unwell. He’s the boss btw so wouldn’t have needed to ask anyone to leave.

feeling completely sad right now with everything and worse now.

Where are you? Are you in the UK?

No, Australia so it’s nice weather here at the moment, sorry to hear how bad it is over there!

YANBU op at all whatsoever. He doesn't have you're best interests as priority and I'd reconsider having another child with him.

Thank you, I think in his mind he was prioritising me because he left work, he genuinely couldn’t see the difference between 10 and 45… I felt bonkers trying to explain why it was upsetting

He could have kept you updated. Time for a two day plus more break staying in bed to rest during the mc whilst your dh looks after your dc all the time

YANBU - 10 minutes is 10 minutes - not 45. How would he like to have cramps and feel dizzy for 45 minutes while looking after a toddler? Also, he shouldn't be yelling at you for being upset, especially after what you've been through. I'm sorry for your loss.

The communication wasn’t great but I may struggle to just drop everything and leave work immediately, even if I previously didn’t have much on. So I can see how 10 minutes becomes 45 but of course he should have let you know then you could have made different plans.

Anyway that’s irrelevant as the anger and yelling should have you re-assessing your options.

Absolutely appalling that he took it out on you with anger and shouting. Thats never acceptable behaviour .

He should have been back in touch with you as soon as it became clear he couldnt be there in 10 minutes.

Honestly OP I would be reassessing how much he actually cares about you and your welfare. And thinking about whether you want another child with this man

I see your point and I guess he was thinking that 45 mins isn't so long! Next time, don't lend him the car. He can't be trusted to do what he says.
Sorry for your loss, this also happen to me...multiple MMC after a normal pregnancy. With testing they found I had a slight blood clotting problem and had to take aspirin as soon as I knew I was pregnant. Perhaps, if you haven't done it already, see someone who specialises in MMCs. Here you can on the NHS after 3 losses. Good luck.

Yes absolutely he should have picked you up quicker, or at least have been more accurate about timing. And in general, just prioritise you massively at this time!

However, he's also going through a difficult time so may be more easily distracted, irritable, maybe didn't realise how quickly the time was passing. Still doesn't change that he let you down, but maybe something to keep in mind.

45 minutes can pass really quickly when you are trying to leave the office in the middle of the day and you can lose track of time. I packed up today with plenty of time to spare for my train but a client rang my phone (was waiting for their confirmation on something and couldn’t miss them) and then someone grabbed me for an urgent question. All of that took up 20 minutes which then made me late.
Maybe he also thought it wasn’t urgent urgent so dealing with a few things before he left was fine or necessary and just lost track of time.

Thank you everyone for your replies,

I’m hoping it was the combination of work interruptions and feeling stressed too- but it’s also reassuring to hear I’m not unreasonable to be upset. I think I just feel like I wanted to be looked after in this scenario!

Thank you for your kind words, and I’m sorry you have had to go through this too, it’s horrible.

I’m not sure what the exact policy is here but I got picked up by our local hospital’s clinic after my second MMC in April- I’ve had a range of tests all coming back normal… they’re still waiting on one but I think it’s looking to be chromosome issues/egg quality unfortunately.