Dh on phone while eating dinner

Letmedrinkmycoffee · 2025-07-01T21:57:18+00:00

It just really annoyed me today I wasn’t eating as didn’t feel well. He sat at the table with dd (6) He sat eating with his phone up the whole time looking through it. I was sat on the sofa nearby and tried to say ‘Oh Dd did such and such today’ and Dd would talk, he would look from his phone, answer normally, but then go straight back to it. He finished, got up, washed his plate, then went to the toilet for ages. Aibu to think he could go on his phone when Dd is in bed or at least wait a bit and engage with her?

Ablondiebutagoody · 01/07/2025 23:10

YANBU. Imagine how DD feels being second best to his phone. Its appalling but sadly not uncommon. People are so totally addicted to the things. You need to have a serious talk with him about it.

simsbustinoutmimi · 01/07/2025 23:13

If it’s only a one off I wouldn’t bother arguing about it, pick your battles. My dads the same if the football is on

SmegFridge · 01/07/2025 23:36

My STBXH was and still is like this. I got used to it and in the end if it was just the two of us I would wait for him to whip his phone out, and then I'd get mine out and read MN. It was annoying though, and he used to do it to me in restaurants and cafes as well, which always left me feeling a little embarrassed and wondering if the people around us felt sorry for me.

He did and does it to our child too. I sometimes tried to encourage chat or say "no phones at the table", but he was too into his phone so me and DC always ended up chatting. I know I'm not flawless but I think it's basic manners to not have your bloody phone out when you're having dinner with other people.

Dangermoo · 02/07/2025 06:29

It's just pig ignorant.

Shenmen · 02/07/2025 06:50

I see this at school pick up too. Parents on their phone with kids trying to talk to them. Very sad.
I would have to make a no phones at the table rule.

Parker231 · 02/07/2025 06:53

No tv or phones at mealtimes and all meals sat at the table.

Cherrysoup · 02/07/2025 06:55

I was amazed yesterday to see a group of school kids actually laughing, chatting together at the bus stop. It was very refreshing. When I leave work, my students all see, to be engrossed in their phones, ignoring one another. Maybe they’re decompressing. At the table seems to be unnecessary. It’s a poor example for your dd. Have you told him directly that you find it offensive? I’d have to.

WhatsThatComing · 02/07/2025 06:55

Like @Shenmeni see it a li at a pick up. Children racing up to a parent with a picture or whatever only to be given a perfunctory nod and their parent focuses on the phone instead of. Then you see the children who have just stopped trying. I was on a bus at the weekend where there was a little girl aged about four and her mother didn’t look at her once, never mind talk to her. Not even when they got off.

It’s completely unreasonable for him to take the time when you are not feeling good as a sort of break period for himself. Like you are his boss and when you aren’t there he can skive off.

TheChosenTwo · 02/07/2025 06:56

Wow how bloody rude.
We don’t have many rules in our house but the few that we do have and are just second nature to everyone is no phones at the table when we are eating together and everyone who is home eats together at the table - no one takes dinner to their rooms.
Was he doing something ‘important’ or just scrolling?

NJLX2021 · 02/07/2025 07:03

I see this all the time where I am. I live in a country where (believe it or not) people are way more addicted to their smartphones than in the U.K.

It can pretty much guarantee that every time I go to a restaurant there will be at least 1 table with a parent(or 2) on their phones, ignoring their kid. Not just to quickly reply to a message, but for the whole time. Often the child also has a phone, and is watching something as well. Not only dads here, many mums too.. Mum on phone, kid watching Ipad etc.

I don't think there is much that can be done about it. I think there have always been somewhat lazy and selfish people, it is just that in the past they didn't have a way of avoiding talking. Go back 30 years, and there wasn't an alternative to engaging with your kids in a restaurant (at home, you had the TV of course). If you ignored them in a restaurant they caused trouble.. maybe you could give them a toy/book, but that wasn't so bad. Now though you have an easy solution. Give them a phone - the child is "satisfied" and you get a phone.. you are both absorbed and satisfied and both happy. No fighting, no mess, no chaos, no effort, everyone is happy...

But the consequences of children growing up like this. I don't think the parents care about those.

NJLX2021 · 02/07/2025 07:07

I do get annoyed at the older generation (collectively) who criticize it though.

Not because they are wrong, but just because I guarantee 100% that quite a few (not all) of those criticizing it, would have done the same, if there has been such an easy way to placate and avoid dealing with children when they were young parents.

It is much harder to be a parent trying to deal with this sort of stuff today than in the past where it simply wasn't an option, because not only do you have to control your own addiction (which most of us have) to technology, but you also have to deal with your child seeing other children in restaurants using devices, and their parents doing the same, and questioning why they can't.

Endofyear · 02/07/2025 07:43

Yes this would annoy me, it's really rude! We have a no phones at the table rule during mealtimes - so that we actually talk to each other!

Poopeepoopee · 02/07/2025 07:51

NJLX2021 · 02/07/2025 07:07

I do get annoyed at the older generation (collectively) who criticize it though.

Not because they are wrong, but just because I guarantee 100% that quite a few (not all) of those criticizing it, would have done the same, if there has been such an easy way to placate and avoid dealing with children when they were young parents.

It is much harder to be a parent trying to deal with this sort of stuff today than in the past where it simply wasn't an option, because not only do you have to control your own addiction (which most of us have) to technology, but you also have to deal with your child seeing other children in restaurants using devices, and their parents doing the same, and questioning why they can't.

I love how you blame the older generation for this - there's nothing we're not responsible for right!

We didn't tell you to stuff your faces in your phones for 6 hours a day, behave yourself and put your phone away at the dinner table.

ScratCat · 02/07/2025 07:52

What a moron.

LindorDoubleChoc · 02/07/2025 07:56

Massive, massive ICK!

Parker231 · 02/07/2025 08:08

NJLX2021 · 02/07/2025 07:07

I do get annoyed at the older generation (collectively) who criticize it though.

Not because they are wrong, but just because I guarantee 100% that quite a few (not all) of those criticizing it, would have done the same, if there has been such an easy way to placate and avoid dealing with children when they were young parents.

It is much harder to be a parent trying to deal with this sort of stuff today than in the past where it simply wasn't an option, because not only do you have to control your own addiction (which most of us have) to technology, but you also have to deal with your child seeing other children in restaurants using devices, and their parents doing the same, and questioning why they can't.

It’s no harder now than in previous generations. Rules are you behave at the dinning table, talk nicely, don’t mess with your food or kick your siblings. If you have finished your meal you can ask to leave the table.
Same rules my parents gave to me and I have used with DC’s.

PinkBobby · 02/07/2025 08:27

It would really annoy me too - there are so many other times to doom scroll that don’t impact your kids. In your position, I’d probably bring it up asap and say that you don’t want phones at the table again, especially when your DD is there. I’m sure he wouldn’t treat a colleague or a friend like that during a meal so why should his daughter get the worst version of him? I’m also sure he’d be annoyed if your DD was a teen and was doing that to him!

aWeeCornishPastie · 02/07/2025 22:49

I really hope you told him how out of order he was being OP ?

SwanFlight · 15/07/2025 15:04

My partner is always saying it would be lovely to go eat out together etc, to share food. And often says they want company in the evenings. During dinner sometimes the laptop is out, if not that it is the phone. Even when watching TV. Personally I feel like a complete spare part. I know them's the norms, but I can't stand it. If it's not the phone or the laptop then it is the TV. That's not to say I don't ever pick up the phone when the telly is on, or when chilling out together, however I am aware it's kinda rude. And I'm almost slightly embarrassed to be seen on the Internet as much as I am anyway - I've got a bad enough addiction to vacuous doom scrolling as it is.