Feeling I should give a reason when I say no or need to change plans

[Yuppa123]

I'm trying to get better at saying no when I don't want to or can't do something... I'm aiming to overcome my people-pleasing tendencies! Two situations recently I know I probably over-explained why I couldn't work late and another day event I had to cancel with plenty of notice, nobody was affected - it was me that lost the money. I tend to feel guilty, over-explain why I can't do the thing and worry people won't believe me.

In contrast, friends of mine just say no, no explanation, and don't give it a second thought, and I'm wondering are most people like this?

AIBU - continue to give reasons
AINBU - in future, say no or I can't, no need to give detailed explanations

I think it depends what it is. If I had invited one friend for lunch and on the day they just said I’m not coming anymore with no reason, I would be upset. But if there was any reason at all then I would accept and believe it and not be cross (I actually fall into that category of feeling slight relief when someone cancels because I don’t have to be social anymore 😬)!

If I asked a friend to do X on Friday and she said no I’m busy, I wouldn’t expect an explanation in those circumstances.

So, I think I’m saying (longwindedly!) that you need a reason to cancel but not to say no in the first place

Yes I agree re saying no initially as opposed to cancelling

I've got plans already then sorry!

Your plant can be an early night or a tv night it's none of their bees wax

I always over explain and I’m trying to get better at just saying sorry I can’t do that; I used to make up excuses when really I just was feeling overwhelmed and now I’m honest so small steps at least

As PP says, saying "no" is different to changing plans or cancelling. You can say no without making a reason "I'm busy" "I can't make it" but if you are cancelling something you committed to or are changing plans then you should usually give a reason.