Dad’s death and not sure what to do

28 replies

samplesalequeen · 01/07/2025 20:36

Hi all

My dad died in January. He’d been unwell but he collapsed at home and I performed CPR on him. I broke his ribs with the force of it and I can remember pleading with him to stay while I was doing it. I only did CPR for probably 5 or so minutes before the paramedics showed up but I’m haunted by the whole experience - I find myself thinking about his poor ribs and I can
see his face as I kneeled above him. I was ok for a while after it. I think it was probably shock but as the months have passed I feel so upset that this is how it ended. There was no peace - just trauma and chaos.

i would give anything to tell him that I love him and I tried my hardest to keep him alive.

I suppose my AIBU is to ask if anyone has been in this position before?

OP posts:

ADX · 02/07/2025 09:16

Hi op

just wanted to say the I had the same experience a couple of yrs ago for my dad

there were many phases of grief I went through and finally recognized that I needed to talk and process what had happened and had counseling as giving someone cpr and the person still dying is a separate trauma of its own

2 yrs on I am in a place to say to myself that I gave him all I could at the time when he needed it and he knew . Am at peace with this now.

time and talking have been healing

Sending you my best wishes

WhyIWonder · 17/01/2026 19:08

JustPinkFinch · 01/07/2025 21:08

You fought like a warrior to keep your dad alive. He would be immensely proud of what you did for him, I have no doubt.

Practically:- I've seen plenty of CPR - it's brutal - ribs do often break during. It also doesn't work for many. The odds were stacked massively against you both.

Emotionally:- My dad went into cardiac arrest in hospital (rather conveniently, on a cardiac ward with several cardiologists chatting at his bedside and all the equipment to hand). He was successfully resuscitated and spoke a little of what he experienced during the time they battled to bring him back. No stress. No fear. An immense feeling of safety and peace. Someone beckoning him toward them. The experience - as woo as it sounds - has entirely removed his fear of death.

As traumatic as the experience was for you, my belief is your dad would have experienced the absolute opposite X

Thank you for sharing this. I also performed CPR on my dad after a cardiac arrest and sadly he still
passed away. It’s comforting to know that he would have felt peace at the end and that although we tried to help (unsuccessfully) that we were him. That’s one of the last things I said, we’re here with you. Thank you again. X

HouseofDreams · 17/01/2026 19:20

I was with a close friend whose heart stopped suddenly and without warning. Luckily there were some trained medics close by (we were at an event) who gave CPR and he did in fact survive, but it was very traumatic to witness.

he did have broken ribs.

If it helps at all, he told me afterwards that he had no knowledge of the CPR while unconscious. Infact, the first thing he remembered was being annoyed when he came round that these people were bringing him out of his ‘sleep’ as it was so peaceful.

please seek out some counselling. It does really help to talk about it. I’m sorry for your loss.

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