Bringing partners to work events

[ellie09]

Does anybody else think its a bit weird if someone constantly asks if their partner can attend a work event?

For the last few work events, there has been one employee always asking if their partner can join (after the paid for event is finished)

I find it rather odd, as like most others I work with, we keep our personal lives very separate. I would also feel very strange attending a work event for my partners work, with all his colleagues.

Its hard to say "no" to these requests, as after the event is actually finished, its mainly just drinks in a main bar etc, so its public and you cant really stop people attending.

Am I the only one that finds it kind of strange, though?

I can't think of anything worse than standing about making small talk with people I don't know.

If it’s in public bar and the work event is finished I wouldn’t even ask tbh if they were free and in the area then they’d probably stop by. Gives me an excuse to leave when I fancy it and them a chance to meet the people I spend all day with.

Me too - maybe I'm just strange though!

But they won't be standing about making small talk with people they don't know. The work event is over, they can invite their partner over to meet them for drinks, they haven't invited them to the actual work event. They don't even need to ask before them.

That aside, inviting partners to work events is not altogether strange, lots of company do's include partners but it depends on your corporate culture.

Well the other side of this OP , and what I find strange, is how over involved a lot of people appear to be in their work colleagues lives.

I'm talking here about the number of threads on MN where people are sat at home in their leisure time, or even lying in bed, and instead of interacting with their partner or their family they are carrying on messaging interactions with their work colleagues. They carry their work life into their homes to the detriment of their personal lives.

Tbh I find that a lot more disturbing than a partner wanting to turn up towards the end of a work event.

Luckily, as far as I am aware, none of my colleagues are like this.

I can’t think of anything worse! Maybe their partner is controlling or something?

I find that weird if it’s every time.

If it’s “oh this has finished and so has a dinner my partner was at down the road so I’ve asked them to pop in so we can share a cab” then fine. But asking every time and not being there without them is very odd. If it’s over, just go home if you want to see your partner 🤷🏼‍♀️

Have you ever considered that he is controlling her and doesn't like her going out without him?

Usually most of the time, we will still be in the same group and have a few drinks together.

E.g. we had a pantomime night, where we attended the panto then went to the bar at the venue, and colleagues partner came to the bar after.
And another where we went axe throwing and colleagues partner showed up at the bar afterwards.

We had a gala event and a spare ticket was there, colleague asked could his partner go.

It seems now, that we cant have a single work event without this particular colleagues partner showing up at some point or another.

In a way, I think it set off a few red flags in my head as someone who has had quite a controlling partner in the past, who never fully trusted me to go anywhere alone.

Its a male colleague with a female partner

Well you might be surprised.

And perhaps that's why a partner wants to turn up to the work event.

Unless it's a specific event for families I wouldn't go to any of my DH's work events and I didn't invite him to any of mine. (I'm retired now.) But then I tried very hard to avoid going to work related social events as much as possible myself so I may not be the best judge of the situation. His company has family days once or twice a year and as he's in a senior role and it's not a massive company our absence would probably stand out, so we all dutifully show up for those. But I wouldn't dream of tagging along to his departmental Christmas do or anything. Once or twice wouldn't surprise me, say if the activity was something the partner had always wanted to do (DH took our teenage DS on a work karting trip once when someone dropped out and left a space) but I agree it's unusual for it to be a regular thing.

What difference does that make??!! Are you not aware that women can be controlling and jealous as well?!

It makes no difference - I just found it funny how it was assumed the genders were the other way round

Where's the distain for the original post?

I've worked in small companies where we all knew each others families and got on well, partners would come to work events and nights out etc. and it worked well.

I've also worked for larger companies where that's not really a thing and when we've had socials and events it's just people from work. I find most people in that situation are just counting down the time to go home.

Just my experience but I've not really seen any middle ground between the two.

I do have friends who were in a relationship together where they rarely did anything without each other. Their relationship ended, but both pretty much follow the same pattern with their current partners. People are different and that's just the way they prefer to be.

The distain is because you seem to suggest that it couldn't be a control issue because the partner is a woman, therefore implying that it's only men that can be controlling. Or maybe I have completely misunderstood your response?

Well if you assume in a reply the genders of the people involved, is that not the same thing? Technically?

We are a pretty small company - around 30 people including CEO etc in those figures as well

I think work events are weird. It's a group of people I only see because I'm paid to, and won't ever speak to again if I get another job. They the expect me to spend my extremely limited free time with them, for NO MONEY. ABSOLUTELY NOT. At least if DH is there we can have some fun.

You already spend more of your waking life with these people than your partner. Why do it even more?

Why is controlling always the first thing people go to on here, it is like thry have a lint of bongo calls to squeeze them put like a tube of toothpaste, husband puts an empty milk bottle back in the fridge he must not respect you and you need to leave, SIL accidentally dropped a nappy bag she is doing it as she is jealous you need to divorce your husband

Does anything just happen these days or is there some back story to everything?

Yes i think it is weird because people do weird things sometimes sorry there is no drama behind it