With how I have behaved with friend?

[Theworldisbig]

Genuinely don't know with this one. I have a very old friend; have known her since first year at secondary. We were all in a group together, and everyone had periods of being closer than others. From our late teens we were each other's closest friends and she is godmother to my DS.
Eventually after uni she moved abroad as she married a guy from Italy. It wasn't a happy marriage (he was extremely controlling and I know she felt very isolated) but they did have a daughter who they both dote on. In this time we were in contact a lot, some more serious chat but also lots of light stuff as well; just every day fun stuff. I know she was bored and unhappy at home so I do wonder whether I was just a useful distraction to her, after everything that has happened. Three years ago she came to our home town where I was back living, and told me she was getting divorced, after having tried to leave her husband a couple of times. She seemed very on edge and tense (obv not surprising) but also also not at all warm to me, as though she thought I would try to take her husband's side, which of course I wouldn't. After that I barely heard from her. I was actually concerned that something could happen to her so tried to make contact and check on her but just got very cold replies, or nothing at all. Absolutely nothing like previously where we had had lots of connection.
A year ago my mum died. She didn't come to the funeral, but she was still living abroad so understandable. She had always said that she felt closer to my mum than to her actual mum, but apart from sympathy at the time she has never asked how we're all getting on. By this point I was fed up with her and hurt.
Then suddenly last autumn she started sending me chatty messages again, which I've generally not really engaged with. It's hard to feel dropped then picked up again. Now I think she is fed up with me!
So was I in the wrong? I understand her marriage breakdown must have been awful and I've never been in her position so I honestly don't know if I should have behaved differently.

She sounds like she’s had a tough few weeks, I’d cut her a bit of a break 💐

I don't think you've done anything wrong

It's very strange to me that she assumed you would take her husband side

I think it sounds like she's been unsupportive with your bereavement. You will get lots of people telling you that some people just can't cope with supporting a bereaved person though.

Anyway, you said you didn't engage with her chatty messages. I don't blame you and you probably weren't feeling very chatty.

If she's pissed off about that now that would be silly.

Messaging is really not a good way to communicate - I know it's hard because people don't want to talk on the phone anymore.

But I don't think you've done anything wrong, FWIW.

I was trying to cut my essay down, but what she said when I met her was her therapist had said she had to make sure that everyone was on her side, and to cut out anyone who wasn't. Apart from thinking that her therapist sounded a bit out there, I didn't express any opinion at all but her whole vibe was very hostile right from the start. Strange as he wasn't my friend at all; he was purely her husband and that was it.
Tbh, I am now seeing all the times she maybe wasn't quite the friend I thought she was.

@Theworldisbig Would you be up for an honest conversation with her?

(edited to avoid distraction from OP)

Just curious what your opinion is on therapists?

She had two therapists at one point!
I could try, perhaps. I feel these things never end well though. :-(
I also think it's too late possibly. It's like a relationship. You reach a point and you just can't go back. Very sad as she was my best friend for nearly 30 years.