Sleepover invitation when I’m not home

[heatherwithapee]

One of my DC has been invited to a sleepover. Lower secondary school age so I don’t know the parents (or the child hosting!). Not normally an issue, however…
On the night in question, DH is away working and I am ‘out out’ with friends to a ticketed event that was booked a while ago and is non refundable. There will be alcohol consumed and so we’ve booked to stay over in the hotel hosting the function.
I had arranged for my sister to have my DC to stay that night but sleepover invitee DC thinks I should let them stay at the friend’s instead.
I’m not keen just in case there was an issue requiring DC to be collected (friend lives 40 mins away from our town and an hour from where I’ll be staying in the hotel but of course if I have had a few drinks, I wouldn’t be able to drive to collect and DH will be several hours away). I’m thinking sickness, bad behaviours (unlikely - hopefully) etc. As I don’t know the parents, I don’t feel I could expect them just to hang onto DC until the morning if they weren’t well or something.
AIBU to say no to the sleepover and they’ll just have to go to Auntie’s as originally planned. Or am I overthinking?

Could sister watch them at yours? Then she can be on hand for an emergency?

Could you get a taxi to collect DC in the unlikely event that they need you?

I think you're overthinking. It's unlikely anything will happen so it's worth the risk. My son best friend used to live 30 mins away in the middle of nowhere and there was no way I would ever have driven there in the middle of the night unless it was a medical emergency. But this is an unlikely scenario.

I dont know what age your child is but im surprised you are OK with them staying the night with a child you don't know, whose parents you dont know and presumably whose home set up you dont know.

What is the issue with just saying 'not this time sorry' on the odd occasion that you already have plans and it doesn't fit in

Could Auntie not be on call for any sleepover mishaps? She could stay at yours if hers is too far away for that to be feasible. Failing that then sorry it doesn’t work this time and invite the DC in question to yours instead at a more convenient date.

I wouldn’t have a family member be on call. For me it’s a “this doesn’t work for us on this date sorry DC”

Auntie has very young DC of her own so it would be a big ask as would involve hauling them out in the night to collect my DC. I wouldn’t put this on her.

Sleepover needs to be rearranged. That's life, I'm sure she'll survive.

as pp says, go to auntie’s as planned and do the sleepover another time

Thanks for all who said I should just say no. That was my initial gut feeling but needed reassurance that I wasn’t being unreasonable.

Dc is 12. I’m happy with them staying over with people we don’t know generally (quite normal I think at secondary, especially theirs which is a specialist school with a wide catchment area - hardly any kids knew each other at primary and meeting parents just doesn’t happen at this age).

How do you know your child is safe if they are spending the night with strangers?
You have no idea what the people are like, who else will be there at the sleepover, what rules, if any, will be in place in the strangers home etc etc.
Are you not concerned at all for your child's welfare?

I think you are over thinking this and I’d let them go. The likelihood of needing to be collected is tiny.

I wouldn’t let them stay at a house where I didn’t know the parents or the child. She could literally be going anywhere.

This.

They are 12, probably year 8, it is not unusual for kids that age to arrange their own things (and parents just drop them off!), and for parents to not really know each other.

How do you intend to get to know the parents of your secondary school child?

I have a 13 year old, I'm not sure how I would get to know their friends parents, they organise their own social life.

I no longer have a secondary school child. But when he was at secondary school most of his close friends had also been to primary school with him so we knew them from then. We met the parents of his newer friends when they were picking up/ dropping off at our home or similar.
Sleepovers just didn't happen: they all went to each other's houses and socialised there or went out to do activities together and then came home. There was no necessity for sleepovers and certainly I wouldn't have wanted other children sleeping in my home and the parents of his friends would not have wanted other peoples children sleeping at theirs.