Neighbour complaining of noise

[P4r3nt]

Hi all,

I live in a terraced house with 3 DS aged 13, 8 and 3. I'm a recent single mother and split with my partner which has been hard on us all, especially the kids.

The neighbour a couple of days ago (50yr old woman) came smashing on the door. Saying She couldn't take it anymore. That our toddler was raising her blood pressure and she couldn't cope with his crying and noise.

I gently apologised and said I would try my best to contain the noise but he is a toddler and he learns by playing, making, noise etc.

I'm in work and he's in nursery 8-5pm most days and goes to bed at 7pm. We go out on weekends so we're actually not in the house that much.

After the interaction it made me angry in a way. Now I completely understand noise affects people 100%. But a grown woman is stating that my toddler is the reason her blood pressure is raising to me is very childish. Unfortunately her problem is that of her own. And she almost emotionally manipulated me to feel guilty about my son causing her a health problem.

Whilst I can entertain my boys I can't try to quiet a toddler as I am sure everyone on her can sympathise with. It's not like I encourage my toddler to shout and scream and cry.

I personally believe if she can't handle the children playing and noise then maybe she should not live in a terraced house?

AIBU? She has put a complaint with the housing association now. And I feel penalised for basically looking after a toddler?

Anyone else been in a similar position that maybe has advice? Thank you.

If you can’t keep the noise to a suitable level, perhaps you shouldn’t live in a terraced house?

I don’t know the answer to your problem OP, but I hope you find a solution

Well, what are you doing to encourage your 3 year old to play more quietly?

Of course no 3 year old is perfectly reliable, but are you even trying to discourage the louder play?

I presume the walls aren’t very thick. Can you get a camera installed, that will help if and when you get a visit. My in-laws lived in a terraced house with DC next door, yes you could hear them run up and down the stairs, but it was never really that bad.

Without hearing the level and frequency of noise it’s impossible to tell who’s being unreasonable

We have quiet time anyway but if he statts to get loud now i do this, which usually comprises of sitting down reading (no technology), painting, drawing etc. And he's pretty well behaved throughout it all.

My son does cry like any child but I've asked the other neighbours who would actually probably hear more sounds due to the location of the rooms and they have said the noise is not an issue at all.

Let me guess she doesn’t have children? Her age is not relevant to the story either. But it seems like four people living in a terrace house would cause noise. You need to be respectful of your neighbours. Maybe a terraced house isn’t suitable for you?

Oh of course I agree with you. I have asked our other neighbour who I thought would hear more noise due to the location of the rooms, but they said the noise is not a problem at all. And actually commented at how polite and well behaved our children were, compared to the rest of the street. Whose parents use the road and other children as childcare.

In which case it doesn’t sound like you’re being unreasonable at all and she’s just going to have to find a way to put up with anything she may be able to hear.

It’s a terraced house; you can’t expect silence from your neighbours.

She has never had children. And like I said our other neighbours say the noise levels are absolutely fine.

I am trying to move but I am a single mother in council housing. I don't know if yiu know but it is incredibly difficult to acquire property at the moment.

I was due to move in to a lovely semi detached house but my ex partner and I have split up so that is not achievable right now

YANBU. The fact you’ve posted this shows you care about your neighbours opinion, so I highly doubt you’re the problem. Some people are just meant by nature.

Let her raise a complaint, she won’t get far. The council housed you in a terrace when you already had your kids, it’s hardly your fault! As if it isn’t hard enough being a single parent.

Three boys of those ages are inevitably going to create some noise as they go about their lives, I don't see how you could avoid it. So unless there's something else you haven't mentioned, then it's your neighbour who is being unreasonable. She can't expect total silence in a terraced house.

I know it’s difficult. I suggest you try and keep the noise down as if she makes a complaint it won’t go in your favour if you’re trying to move. You don’t need to fall out about it.

I live in a terraced house and the neighbours kids get on my tits, however they are usually inside by about 7 30, and not out before about 9, this weekend they properly got on my tits though running up and down stairs adjoining the walls, in and out the patio doors, I was getting close to the edge lol, maybe she just flipped because she'd had a bad day, if you're mitigating the noise all you can within reason she has to put up with it, I manage it with headphones, it's not ideal but we have to live side by side so 🤷

I forgot to add one of my my 13 old has Autism and the 8 year old is down syndrome so again very difficult household but we all make it work. If my housing association disciplines this surely it's discrimination.

Edit: I also forgot to mention a few years ago I overhead her laughing to her friend saying that screaming mong next door. I was in tears over it and was for weeks but never said anything because I'm very shy. My partner confronted her over this but she denied the whole thing. Unluckily for her the ring doorbell picked it up her saying it (but I didn't tell my partner at the time, because he quite likely would have lost his shit)

So I have had problems with her in the past

Pretty big point to forget to add in. I can’t see how it would be discrimination? What grounds would it be under? Noise is noise.

he's in nursery 8-5pm most days and goes to bed at 7pm. We go out on weekends so we're actually not in the house that much.
If this is accurate then it really sounds like it’s her and not you because even if he’s noisy and the house is badly built then she still can’t be hearing it that frequently. Obviously excessive noise like running own with shoes on or screaming is not ok but you and your children are entitled to live your life normally making a typical level of household noise during daytime hours. If she’s overly sensitive and/or the house is poorly built then frankly that isn’t your problem. If she’s overly aggressive, persistent or harassing you then keep a log and do report it.

Errr massive drip feed there OP. If that’s the kind of thing she says then it’s obviously not you is it?!

It’s the noise of a child the housing association won’t do anything about that

best to just ignore

we had this in our flat neighbour downstairs always at my door - in the end I told him to back off and that it was harassment him always banging on my door.

we fell out and never spoke again - he chose to retaliate by stomping around. Didn’t bother me as I sleep with white noise and ear plugs anyway .

he eventually sold up and moved

Have you still got a copy of the video? Keep it. You never know when that might come in handy.

You could argue that a terraced house is unsuitable for the neighbour.

OP has already said that she thinks the house is unsuitable for the neighbour. I’m asking if perhaps it’s unsuitable for her.

We have this. My neighbours actually run a nursery from home so it is bedlam. Doesn't bother me. Mostly cute, although when Sasha is having a temper tantrum, I can get a tad weary.
Their other neighbours complain frequently despite their very loud teens apparently celebrating every end of school day.

quite the drip feed!

I’m with you OP. These are normal everyday noises.