To cut everyone off to finally be free of my abusive family

[Marmaladejammy]

I’ve already cut my abusive family off. I moved far away and kept in touch with friends. Then found out that my mum is pretending to everyone we’re still in touch because one of my friends has been feeding where I am and sending pictures to my mum. My mum is also telling everyone lies about me and why I’m not actually around.

I’m devastated as I finally thought I had nothing to do with my family. My family have tried numerous times to ruin my life (phoned my work saying bad things about me until I have to leave etc)

I have asked my friends and everyone is saying it’s not them. aibu to just cut everyone off now and accept I have to start an over to get away from my family? I’ve started to stop texting people back and they’re now asking what they’ve done wrong and I feel terrible but I need peace in my life from this.

This is a lot of people
with far too much time on their hands

Yeah unfortunately if you want to cut them off for real, all connecting parts have to go too.

Make sure you really try to integrate in your new town and build some connections.

I am finding new friends and moving on but it’s hard. I feel awful when my old friends text me to ask what they’ve done because I’m not replying and me not knowing who is still in contact with my mum.

one of my friends has been feeding where I am and sending pictures to my mum.

Despite being told not to? That is not a friend.

How do you know that your mum has this info? Who fed that back to you?

Text back saying you’re sharing no more information because someone is feeding into to your family. Any real friends will be pissed enough to root out the mole(s).

What are you doing to find out who has been doing it?
I can understand your upset and reasoning for cutting them off, but can you narrow it down to who it might be is going back to them?

When I had a problem with people spreading gossip, I narrowed it down to a few people I thought it might be. Then I told them each something huge. I was pregnant. I had quit my job. I was moving cross country. I had gotten an STD. Then I sat back and waited to see what got back to me. Sure enough, they outed themselves.

You are only thinking about yourself here. You aren’t thinking at all about the 99% of your friends who are utterly blameless. What if some of these friends need your friendship and support, eg tough times with their kids or marriages or jobs or bereavement? You are being a pretty rotten friend if you drop everybody and put them through all the upset and hurt of losing you because 1 person has done something you don’t like. If you really are going to do that, you at least owe them an explanation.

In other words, Wgatha Christie technique!

@AtrociousCircumstance when I went back to my old village, someone I used to know that I bumped into asked if my mum was ok because my mum had been saying some weird things like I had been really nasty to her even saying I beat her up (never laid a hand on anyone it’s actually the other way round) but ‘I’m her dd so she puts up with it’ saying that she’s always been an incredible mother and I’ve been such a difficult dd since I was born (I haven’t) my mum also showed recent pictures of my dc and I haven’t been in contact for a long time now so they didn’t come from me.

@ThatGutsyBrickCritic i have narrowed it down and I did try to spread something only each person would know before cutting people off but I haven’t really got a way of checking in to see what my mum knows. I just happened to find out my mum knew about my new town and had pics of my dc from now.

I am worried because I want to get away and my mum has sadly previously tried to sabotage friendships, my marriage and my jobs.

@SummerInSun thanks I do feel rotten. Just not sure what to do.

Only talk about the weather, celebs, stuff in the news. Yellow rock them.