Feel depressed and in a rut in mid 30s, anyone else?

[Youdidnotfindme]

I own a home, which I know I'm very fortunate to have. I have a very supportive family and a wonderful boyfriend.

I earn around 29k a year because of working overtime/6 days a week. The thing is I have got a degree and a PGCE but I've made daft work choices and could've been earning so much more than I am now.

Been with my boyfriend for a year. It's the best relationship I've had, and we've said we'd like to move in. He's said that he would like to get married and have kids in general, but because we've only been together a year, I know I have to wait a while for the 'with you' I'm mid 30s and if he doesn't think im the one then I'm going to struggle afterwards.

I don't have many close friends. Too used to people ignoring my messages and being too busy, used to having to be the one to initiate stuff. I'm not part of cliques or anything, I don't think I've got an awful personality or anything. I think I've got things going for me and not just nice, but I just don't have what it takes.
Currently sitting alone at lunch feeling like a loser. I'm starting a new hobby Thursday but not sure what else to do. Any advice on the above?

are you feeling low because you are not sure if he feels that same way as you or because you are not sure about him?

Could you look for a better job?

I am sure about him...but a year is a funny time because you feel like it's too early to bring up marriage and stuff. That would be fine if I were 25, not 35.

I am looking, the applications bloody take forever especially when you're working a lot, but that's on me I guess I've just got to make the time.
Thanks for your reply.

I think its absolutely OK to bring up discussions of commitment / family after a year when you're mid 30's.

Hang on a minute ….who’s waiting for who to get married ?
id maybe hang fire with the moving in if it’s your bf dragging his feet.
But the job situation - if you’re not happy where you start applying elsewhere.
But please don’t worry about the friends thing. These things tend to fall into place once you feel happy with yourself.
sort out the other 2 things ( or at least start ti address them) and everything else will fall into place friends wise

Thanks..so without sounding daft, it'd be ok for me to ask him, do you see yourself marrying me one day?
Tbh, if he wanted to he'd probs have already said :(

You need to have a talk with him. Find out what he’s thinking and just be honest with him about what you want. You need to know you are heading in the same direction- it’s been a year! Totally reasonable. Maybe he doesn’t know what you want and is waiting for you to say something. I met and married my husband within 18 months and I told him within about a month that I wanted a family soon. Honesty is important

Neither of us have brought up marriage yet. I mean we've both said we'd like to marry 'in general' but not 'with each other'.

I do like my job, just got the 6 days a week. Ive no choice but to keep applying i guess...

I'm sick of majority of people taking 10 days to reply then ghosting, I feel like I'm always bottom of the list and that maybe I'm boring or something. Thanks for the reply.

Do you think if most men want to, they'll make it known quickly?
It's partially why I left my ex, because he wasn't sure after 4 years.

I am sure about him...but a year is a funny time because you feel like it's too early to bring up marriage and stuff. That would be fine if I were 25, not 35.

I think it's even more fine to have the conversation at 35. You're older, know your own mind more and time is even more precious. If you and he are to be together for a lifetime and have children together you are going to have to be able to communicate honestly and openly and share your feelings. If you don't do this then life is going to be a complicated jumble of misunderstandings, unmet needs and time wasted second guessing.

You both have to be brave and have an honest conversation where you lay your cards on the table. It's got to be better than another year (or three) wondering and feeling miserable.

To use a horrid phrase - you both need to piss or get off the pot.

Does BF own a house?

Thing is if you get married, he is then, if you split up, entitled to half your assets, meaning your house. If you move into that.

It's a difficult one, H & I were early thirties met, married, had baby in a very short space of time, but we both were starting from the same point and have built everything up together, so it's all equal and we all know that.

Everyone is different, it works for some, not for others, just step carefully so you don't lose what you already have in the process (not saying this is inevitable).

I’m going to be very blunt with you but if you want babies you need to start planning that now. Career can wait, friends can wait. If he doesn’t want children you have time to find someone who does, but you need to start looking for them now.
Please have that discussion, don’t waste anymore time. And maybe look into freezing yours eggs. Sorry if that was harsh x

Thanks everyone. Is it really ok after a year of dating to ask if he sees himself marrying me?

What exactly do you think is the worst case scenario if you ask that question?

You must have self esteem issues (I say this well intended). You should be thinking what YOU want and what HE brings to the table. Choosing who to have children with is the most important decision of your life.

You will be tied to the father of your child for the next 20 years.

If you want to marry him and have kids, tell him. You need to find out if you're on the same page. If not, bin him. Like yesterday.

YES

Absolutely
my now dh (of a similar age) wanted to marry me within 3 months of knowing me.
we slow things down a bit But have
been together (and married )happily a good few years now.
our child will be 30 very shortly.
have the conversation- but listen very careful to what is say.
beware of future faking.