Ectopic Pregnancy - Feeling Let Down

[howtoletthisgo]

I recently had an ectopic pregnancy.

Super early on, I started spotting - was reassured by my doctor that it may not be a miscarriage, and to monitor. Unfortunately, the bleeding got heavier, I was advised I was likely miscarrying, and was booked in for a scan.

The scan showed an ectopic pregnancy, and after some discussion, I was booked in for surgery.

I'm beginning to get over what happened, but what I'm really struggling with is the lack of support I had from my family.

They were booked to go on holiday to the US a few days after I had surgery. They didn't visit me post-surgery as they believed I'd be too tired (not my words), and they'd booked to go up to the airport the day before to stay in a hotel. This seemed more important than a quick visit to check how I was doing.

My in-laws, on the flip side, were incredible. Helped with my other children when I was in the hospital, supported my partner and me before, during, and after in more ways than I could have asked.

I just feel so let down. I know every family is different, but we're close, and I can't imagine not visiting if they'd gone through something similar. What didn't help is that they were full of the 'everything happens for a reason', and 'at least you already have kids', which I understand is meant well, but I really wasn't ready to hear this so soon after miscarrying.

Am I being unreasonable for holding on to this resentment? How do I get past this and let go of the resentment I feel?

Im sorry for your loss, how far along were you? They knew the IL were around so maybe more people visiting wasn’t necessary for them? All of the holiday stuff shouldn’t be rearranged though.
do they live far away? Sounds like they checked in by text/call though.

Thank you, only 7 weeks, but it was obviously frightening, and I was already pretty attached.

I definitely didn't expect them to rearrange their holiday, but I was shocked they didn't want to visit - they're about 40 minutes away.

Honestly op, at 7 weeks and 40 mins away I wouldn’t visit either. I would call and check in, probably have food delivered but no I would leave the visit for after I get back.
They knew the IL were around too, so maybe they felt everything was being taken care of at home?

I’m sorry that happened to you. I had an ectopic pregnancy but my tube ruptured and I was lucky to survive. My mother didn’t visit - she likened it to a miscarriage and told me I’d have better luck next time.

The problem is your body still has the pregnancy hormones and it’s difficult to get over it. Give yourself time and accept that other people sometimes don’t know what to say. Be kind to yourself and take time to heal.

I am sorry about your pregnancy OP, and hope you are recovering well.

I think given they had plans for a big long-haul trip and had hotels booked etc, it wasn’t unreasonable of them to not change their plans last minute to visit you.

While miscarrying at 7 weeks is very sad for you, it is quite common for women to miscarry in the first trimester and I think most people would commiserate but not expect to visit.

I’m sorry for your loss

While I would be very sorry for my family member to have an early loss I don’t think I would rally around them or move my holiday nor would they expect any of us to.