To find my one 10 month old hard?

[YellowGiraffe765]

It's Sunday night and I'm exhausted and bored in equal measures. What am I doing wrong? Boy is 10 months, he is absolutely gorgeous and thriving, but he is sort of walking and climbing and extremely active. Multiple allergies mean cooking for him is a bitch. Genuinely. So much effort. Ended up in hospital twice when we started weaning. So there is that.

I work full time. I'm still breastfeeding (morning, late afternoon when I get home and evening and night time). He still wakes 2 times a night. I handle all night wakings since around 7 months. Basically since I've gone back to work, baby has decided to reject absolutely everyone. Screams bloody murder if DH enters his room to settle him. During the day, he can barely be peeled off me.

DH is involved and helpful though. And until 7 months, he was doing a lot at night to help me, always. I'm still the "baby expert" to be honest but I can't fault him too much.

I am just mentally drained. What can I do to make things easier? I can't quit breastfeeding, it will be more trouble than it's worth atm since we're sooooooo close to 12 months.

I only have the one kid, how do people do it with more? I know I am totally unreasonable to find it hard but I can't figure out how to make it easier. All the other mums seem to do a much better job than me. I took him to a playgroup this weekend and the mums were talking about how wonderful motherhood is (it was so exaggerated, it was kind of gross to listen to tbh but maybe I am too negative?).

I need a holiday but the last time we went away (he was 6 months) we ruined his sleep for weeks. He spent the entire holiday waking every 45-90 minutes and continued to do so for about 2 weeks post holiday. As we're now down to only 2 wakings a night, i am terrified of changing his routine in any way.

We have zero family. Mine are abroad, DH's are useless.

A ten month old child is very hard work. I coped by getting out with her every single day. We went to various parent and toddler groups and we went swimming once a week and I also had coffee mornings with friends.

Some children are harder than others. Comparing yourself to parents who have easy babies will drive you insane.

My dd nearly broke me. She screamed every second she wasn’t touching me.
She wouldn’t sleep unless she was touching me.

It will almost certainly get better. It’s rare that your child doesn’t grow to be a big less demanding, though I do caveat for exceptions because there are parents of children with extreme needs that only get harder as the children mature. You will also adapt a bit as time goes on.

If you need a break, don’t try to take the same kind of break you took before. Look for things that would actually rejuvenate. I don’t recommend you try to travel. Take some time off work and just have some fun days with your child. Step back from the grind. Ignore work and chores and only do required child tasks. It will feel like a real vacation, unlike trying to manage a high needs baby on holiday.

Yeah we go out a lot at the weekend but I work 5 days a week so while going out makes parenting easier, it also makes me feel on the go 24/7 as I obviously need some sort of break by Saturday morning. I just want to sit down for a morning 😂

He also is walking but not by himself so one of us is bent over at any given time. Most playgrounds are still useless to him, he's too young. He just wants to eat all the rocks. It's a tricky age.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to find this stage difficult.

Honestly I think the reason you’re not enjoying motherhood and feeling so exhausted by it is because you’re back at work so early. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to be working while I had a child under age 6 years old, much less 10 months! That’s just really hard, especially when baby isn’t sleeping through the night.

Personally I don’t think the other mothers at playgroup have to have been exaggerating when they talked about motherhood as a wonderful experience. A lot of mums do feel this (hopefully!), and it’s a good thing.

I have a one year old, and from the time she started crawling she has been so active and just very busy. She’s always struggled with her sleep and is still breastfed. There’s just no way I could contemplate working right now, nor anytime in the next decade.

I truly feel like motherhood is the most wonderful thing I’ve experienced but I have a lot more support than it sounds like you do, because I have no need for paid employment, and a lot more help from my husband and family. Plus the ability to outsource any tasks I don’t want to do around the house. This means that even when my daughter is having moments that I find hard, I have the energy to cope and they really do feel like temporary moments. My overwhelming feeling day to day is just love and adoration for my baby.

I really hope you can find some ways to reduce the amount of pressure you’re under so you can find some of the enjoyable, wonderful, parts of motherhood.

My son was like this. I think some babies just have even greater attachment needs (need to feel really secure with us and in contact with us) than others. I exhausted myself trying to work out what the issue was, why he wouldn’t sleep in a cot instead of by my side, why he wanted to be held or interacting me at every moment, and now my one regret is that I didn’t just relax and accept that was the way it was, and spend more time
just engaging with, holding, and enjoying him, instead of worrying all the time that there was something else or something more I should have been doing. Since reducing work hours isn’t always an option, you could try and reduce pressure at times when you have him—and this could involve doing less, in terms of activities and going out, rather than more, if that helped give you space and energy just to connect with him and recover from the working week.

Some babies are just harder than others, you aren't doing anything wrong. Its really normal for babies to still wake up at that age (all of mine did) and be very clingy at that stage as well. It must feel a whole lot harder trying to juggle work and such a little baby.

YANBU, 10 months is a really hard age imo. They're into everything so you have to watch them constantly, they can't follow any kind of instruction, they need a lot of entertainment and they're getting very opinionated. They get bored easily which makes them crabby so you're constantly having to find things for them to do (although boredom is beneficial at times!).

It really does get easier. He'll turn a corner in a couple of months and start being able to do occasional independent play or play that might be more interesting to you (e.g. imaginative play, play doh, baking, crafts etc).

Don't fret about how people manage with two. It's very different when your first is out of the baby stage. I have a four year age gap between mine and it's perfect, but I really don't think I'd have coped with a smaller gap. Or you may decide you're happy sticking at one, which is more than fine.

basically - hang in there, this is a hard stage but it gets easier soon!

Should also say my first baby was an awful sleeper and still waking frequently at 10 months. It was so, so hard and everyone I knew had babies who slept through by then. He turned a corner at about a year and started sleeping almost all night, usually just waking once and often going straight back to sleep.

My second baby has slept through from 8 weeks with absolutely no intervention from me, if you have another hopefully you'll be as lucky!

YANBU.

Mothers with babies are not meant to be working.

That's not a comment on you at ALL - that's a comment on a society that makes you and others mothers have to bloody work when you have a baby. Either for money to survive , or to maintain your place in your careers (unfair) , etc. It's ridiculous.

Do you think humans evolved to have it be possible for mother's to be away from their babies the majority of the daytime 5 days a week? Nope, mum would be with a baby that young all the time - and her village would provide for her and baby.

Of course kids are going to be difficult when Mum is away 9-5 five days a week. The kid is having to deal with something they are not equipped to deal with. Of course the kids crying for Mum and clinging to Mum. Mum "should" be there.

You'd be much less interesting to baby if you were reliably there as much as baby needs. Baby would be more used to you, and confident in your presence. You'd also be a lot less stressed in general having more time and energy to focus on babies needs.

Again, this isn't on you or your fault. It's this stupid culture we've crafted which is so hostile to Mums and young children. You're just dealing with the fallout of it.

Yeah I don't live in the UK and the mat leave is much shorter here, I would have loved to be home for 12 months. I loved mat leave as I could just rest while he napped (not necessarily slept, I can't sleep in the day but have a rest).

I actually have a really big day at work today and DS started to cut a tooth last night so he spent 3am - 5am on my chest and 5am-6am on his dad. FML.

@YellowGiraffe765 how is he now? Finding my 10 month old really tough too!

@ZaHaK things are better. He's walking properly now and started sleeping much better. It's easier to go out with him now he's walking as well. Still doesn't sleep through the night every night, it's sort of 50/50. So the exhaustion has gotten better.

Oh OP - I feel this in my core!! My second DS is 10 months now and he is completely relentless. Non stop, whingey, clingy, tons of allergies etc. My first was so chilled in comparison so it’s been something of a shock. Tbh, I feel like I just survive - I went back to work early because I just needed something else. Work is the only “break” I get and goodness me do I need it. My oldest is three now and just so much fun so I know it gets better but it’s bloody hard in the moment. I also have no family nearby and honestly, it is putting a strain on every aspect of my life. Sorry, I’m not exactly giving any advice but hopefully some solidarity and reassurance that toddlers are just so much better. Although I will not be having a third!