To think it's ok to be self centered sometimes?

[Pennyforyourthoughtsplease]

Reading some threads about weddings and parties. Unless you're asking guests something ridiculous, surely it's ok to invite the people you want to invite? So many comments about Bridezillas etc If you're paying for everything and want everything to be exactly how you want what's wrong with that? It's your event! If you dont like it, don't go. AIBU?

It depends what you mean. It would be unreasonable to invite say your sister but leave out your brother. Ask your mum and leave out your dad. I think if you want to leave out specific immediate family members or some friends while asking others in the group, you are better off having a very quiet wedding or eloping.

but I wouldn’t be inviting cousins partners etc. it just all would get too expensive and too much

Of course it's ok to be self centred sometimes. A lot of the time, even.

I'm not sure a large family occasion is the ideal setting for a "fuck everybody else, I only care about meee" scenario, though.

Cannot abide brides who think their perfect day is more important than family or friends. A fast track to no friends. Be real.

Have you ever planned and paid for an event that cost £££'s per head? Just trying to get an understanding for the different opinions

If you can’t afford it then you should have a private small wedding rather than leaving people out

Have you ever planned anything? Unless you're Jeff Bezos everyone has limited resources and you have to cut off somewhere?__

I don’t think being self centred is ok actually. The people who say it’s ok to be selfish sometimes are either the ones pendulum swinging from neglecting their own needs, or the ones who are bone selfish justifying themselves.

The aim is to be considerate of everyone’s needs, including your own, and maintain reasonable boundaries.

That's actually a great distinction. You're absolutely right, being self centered is never good!

A wedding is supposed to be about a couple exchanging vows to each other.

I just dont understand all the time and expense and fall outs and hurt feelings and totally ott behaviour that seem to be the norm with weddings these days.

Exactly in the venue you want, with the food and drinks you want and the people you want.

Yes it’s fine to have the wedding you want, I wouldn’t say that’s self centred at all. MN hate anyone that doesn’t have a huge wedding that invites everyone, their partners, their children and their aunty’s dog. But these people are entitled, self absorbed and want to play the main character in another persons wedding. I suspect you’ll get a few fair replies disagreeing with you but no one acts this way in real life. Only the crazies.

It’s your event, but would you really be happy if nobody came or nobody enjoyed your wedding?

But plenty of people will be coming, I've made sure everyone knows at least one person (allowing a plus one even if I don't know the plus one) so they will enjoy it. Putting on a massive spread of good food and unlimited booze

You are so right, we are only a few years off people inviting their dogs come 🤣

🤣 My friends and family are normal and not entitled idiots who expect you to change your venue so they can be included and frankly I wouldn’t want that type of person there. I don’t know these kind of people that think like that.

Unless obvious act of selfishness—like inviting absolutely no spouses from the groom’s immediate family while rolling out the red carpet for every cousin, in-law, and second uncle twice removed on the bride’s side—most of the grumbling on wedding threads seems to come from people annoyed the bride isn’t planning her big day around them.

The MN-favourite advice to brides on wedding threads seems to be (paraphrased):

• “If feelings might be hurt by not inviting some people, hurt more of them inviting even fewer people!” (already offered above)
• “Just do what I did my for wedding, Because obviously I am perfect and everyone else is doing it wrong.”

Usually with being self-centered you have to consider the effect of you actions. If it causes true hardship or requires harmful sacrifice from other people or person its not great. If it's just the other person feels put out that they arent getting exactly what they want, being self-centered is OK. Mind you, judging by comments on threads on here some people have difficulty figuring out what real hardship and sacrifice is.