Noises my husband makes

[CreativCarly]

I, 38 female, am married to a 42 male who does a lot of tapping, whistling, finger clicking, etc. and I find it really difficult to listen to. I imagine it’s misophonia. However whenever I try to tell him this it always ends badly. Tonight after dinner, literally after discussing how full on our kids can be and the overwhelm of summer holidays, he starts tapping the table over and over. I said to him, nicely, can you please stop the tapping but he always reacts badly saying it’s no big deal and it’s my problem and I need to not make a big deal of small things. Always says I need to be more tolerant, which feels ironic. I avoid mentioning it as much as I can because it literally always ends badly no matter how I try to say it, he’s always angry about it and will say I’m being aggressive. It’s always my issue. I’m not saying it’s not my issue, but he is triggering it and won’t stop. I’ve previously asked him how I could nicely ask him but that conversation went nowhere. It always ends in a fall out. AITA?

He's doing it to wind you up.

Has he always done it since you met?

I'm married to a noisy bugger as well.

90% of the time i can block it all out (4 kids and ex TA at primary; you learn to ...) but these last couple of years it's often driving me mad enough to need to leave the room.

Sorry not much help - but lots of empathy 💐

If he knows it upsets you, continues to do it ...he doesn't care about your feelings. Unless he has a verifiable medical condition this would be a simple thing to stop. Why doesn't he?

Has he always been like this, could you endure it before?

I have pretty bad misophonia and so I deliberately married the quietest man I've ever met. He makes you jump when he starts talking because you didn't realise he'd walked in the room.

I can't stand men who talk loudly, walk loudly, tap, grunt, clear their throats loudly, breathe loudly.

My dh is only loud when he eats an apple or sneezes, and he kindly leaves the room before doing either...lol.

If your dh has always done this, he's not going to stop now. Practise acceptance or leave

He probably can't control it, so he thinks it's unreasonable for you to complain. He may find it embarrassing that he can't control it and you going on about it is upsetting him.

Easy to say if you don't have any habits or coping mechanisms, they are automatic and very difficult to acknowledge let alone stop.

So I shake my legs. In bed, on the sofa, in the car, at work. I sometimes catch myself and stop.. but it does dps head in. I always stop when he tells me to though.

Maybe you have misophinia and are very noise sensitive ?

maybe he clicks and taps as a form of stimming? Not only nd people stomach - a lot of nt people do too

living as an autistic in a predominately autistic household with some members also having adhd and one with Tourette’s - there’s a lot of clapping, flapping, tapping and ticcing of all sorts that goes on.

sometimes we do trigger one another and it is really hard. All you can do is take evasive action / put on headphones, move away from them for a bit.

none of us can help it and it is really hard at times but it’s just how it is.

I have misophonia and misokinesia and other peoples movements and noises drive me insane.

I can't get mad at what they can't control but it would really grate me if I communicated distress to something they can control and they dismissed it.

I do stimming and it drives me, daughter and partner crazy, I can’t stop though and do it without thinking. I do when they point it out but end up starting again without realising.

On the other hand, I am on the other side of this (female have ADHD) and have always tapped, clicked pen lids, clicked the back of the TV remote in and out, wear jewellery that I fiddle with that makes tinkling sounds) and my partner is very triggered by it. But when he gets upset about it, whether it’s reasonable or not I get upset because I cannot control it, don’t even realise I’m doing it half the time and when he gets upset with me it feels like a slight against me and probably triggers rejection sensitivity dysphoria or whatever it is. That said, if he does say something I will try to stop every time.

I was diagnosed last year with ADHD and I do things like this that I now recognize as "stimming."

My partner constantly clears his throat and does this irritating little hum. It drives me insane. If you remember David Cameron's stupid little hum just after he resigned, it's that, again and again and again. He even does this when he had mouthwash in his mouth. It's like he can not stop making some sort of sound, all the time. At night he snores. There is never complete quiet. Fucking hell. It is infuriating. Solidarity.

I have misphonia. My husband cracks his knuckles, i know it helps him but i do ask he does it away from me. He usually obliges. I have an agreement with my daughter if we are eating next to each other and noises get to much, we let each other know and move away. Shes 16 years old now, the agreement works both ways. We do both struggle however with other people. Not alot we can do about that unfortunately.

Some of these replies are OTT. Imagine f it was a woman with a similar problem and a man tried to rein it in knowing it was a necessary outlet ?

Move away when he starts. Go to a different room. Don’t raise it, just go and do something else.

Effectively he’s told you there’s no point raising it with him, he doesn’t want to know. So sort it yourself.

If he’s doing it deliberately then he will
lose interest of you don’t get wound up. If it’s inadvertent then it’s better for you both if you move away.