To have wasted my holiday? Help me feel better

[Starbursting]

I’m on the penultimate night of a 10 day holiday and I feel like I’ve wasted it all.

It’s the first time DH and I have been abroad with DD who is 14 months. She has just started walking and doesn’t want to sit still at all. We are in Europe and it’s so unbearably hot, in a villa that doesn’t have air con. We do have family with us but that has brought its own challenges! I’m pregnant and have struggled in this heat and with sickness.

The first half of the holiday was tainted as I was waiting for results of my NIPT (thankfully came back low risk) but I had been identified as higher chance from my nhs screening so was really worried about this and felt stressed and emotional for the first 5 nights.

DH and I have bickered a bit and felt like we haven’t done everything we wanted to do which is a shame.

Can anyone help me feel better about this? It wasn’t a cheap holiday and I’m a bit gutted with how it’s turned out.

Ah OP it was what it was. Exceptional circumstances and all that. Take the pressure off
yourself and focus on the positives - you can relax about your pregnancy now.

You went on hiday with a 14 month old!

While pregnant!

Not a great idea really . . .

This isn't helpful when the op is already feeling crap!!

Holidays with babies and toddlers are always a disappointment in many ways. Lowering your expectations is the only way, you went, you saw and you survived it. If you enjoyed even some of it you are winning at life. I bet you DD had a blast, that’s the important bit 😊

Yeah I'm afraid to say it sounds it went exactly as I'd expect in this situation

In my weak defence the holiday was actually booked before I was pregnant again…

We had a two week holiday recently with a 1 and 3 year old.

I’m not exaggerating when I say at least one of us was sick every single day, bar one day, with all sorts of bugs including norovirus, and ended with a hospital admission for the 1 year old for a few days.

Don’t think I’ll be doing another holiday any time soon!

Bore off please

Some holidays are just like this, we’ve all had em.

Let it go, but make a list of non negotiables for your next holiday before the new baby blocks it out (like air con, a kids club, and no in laws)

Oh darling, have a talk with your husband about how you feel and try to enjoy your final night(s) as a team. Holidays with a small one aren't easy. You're also pregnant in the heat. Give yourself a break.

Same shit, different place, but harder. That’s what we called holidays with kids when they were small

It’s tough because you desperately want a break and to be able to go on holiday like normal people. But then it’s always so hard because their routines go out the window, they don’t eat or sleep well and you don’t have any of the stuff that makes it easier at home. Plus you’re usually trying to stop them falling in the pool/ getting heat stroke/ sticking their fingers in unprotected power sockets/ etc.

Jusg chalk this one up to experience. You will laugh about it when they’re older. We certainly look back on those ill-ventured early holidays with fondness, horror and humour!

I actually really like holidays with my pre-schooler, but they aren't like holidays I had before children. They are really all planned around what dc would enjoy - so very few museums - and we don't try to fit as much in a day. So I wouldn't take dc to somewhere like Berlin, say, because I'd be frustrated that I wasn't getting to see ALL the historical stuff.

Turns out that I really like a week at Butlins with Justin Fletcher and all inclusive holidays to Majorca with kids this age.

Next time do something cheaper so there's less pressure, without family if it adds stress, and cooler/with air con.

Holidays with small children are the same old sh*te you do every single normal day, but in unfamiliar and less convenient surroundings.

So, what you have endured is an achievement.

I just had a flashback to Centerparcs 2001, when we had two babies and a toddler, all ill.

You’ll look back and laugh one day.

Actually, you won’t; you’ll bury it deep until a thread like this jolts your memory.

If it helps, we’ve had many lovely holidays since then!

i’d expect air con for any “not cheap” holiday in Europe. This doesn’t add up. Did you know you’d be pregnant when booking?

We’re not in a hotel we are in a villa. I’ve stayed in loads of villas in Europe and they’ve rarely had aircon installed?

And no I didn’t as I said upthread we booked this last year not long after DD was born so had no idea I would be pg again.

Sympathies! Being pregnant with a toddler in tow is really difficult in any circumstance ime! And holidays with toddlers are definitely a challenge.

We decided, after a fairly miserable trip to south of France with a toddler and a baby, to change how we did holidays, I mean we were also flat broke, so that was a consideration, but camping and UK caravans were more our vibe for a while, I think not spending much money takes the pressure off, kids I find are better outside in lots of space. Plus we’d keep it to 3 nights or less for a few years, not everyone’s bag but we had some good trips.

Once they’re bigger, and understand what’s going on a bit more, it’s more fun taking them a bit further away.

Hope the things get better for the last couple of days x

Have you at least got some nice photos of your 14 month old? If you have, one day you will look back on them and it won't seem so bad!

Our first family holiday as 4 was a last minute caravan holiday. It was absolute hell, baby screamed all the time, it rained constantly, we nearly came home early. But it came up on my timehop this week 8 years ago, and there was such a cute photo of baby's first time swimming. So on one level although I do remember it was awful, I'm still glad we did it!

I’ve stayed in loads of villas in Europe and I have 3 search filters that I apply straight away - pool, WiFi, aircon. I also email to confirm that there is air con in every bedroom. No help to you now of course, but worth bearing in mind for the future. Having said that, I stuck with UK holidays until my kids were primary school age.

I'm not on holiday but am also pregnant, (high risk, ) hot and fed up and have had a few days of disagreeing with DH.

I'm not sure if you're still on eggshells with your DH but I just said to my DH (because I've got my size 20 big girl pants on) 'ok we've disagreed on some stuff, but I'd still like to be your friend'. Not sure if that's any advice but even if not, I sympathise with you!

Focus on the good bits - because there will be good bits. Years ago I went on holiday with a boyfriend for two weeks. I am spectacularly bad at going on holiday so two weeks was a big deal. The first week he had AWFUL gastroenteritis - I mean it was epic, human-fountain scale sickness out of both ends. The next week? You guessed it - my turn! I felt like I was giving birth to a beachball. It was awful. And it pissed down for both weeks and the most fun we had was playing monopoly (the only thing in the flat, because of course we couldn't go out and leave the porcelain altar) whenever one of us who had the plague was well enough to get out of bed for more than ten minutes.

On the last night, we were amazingly both recovered and determined to damn well have one night out. We walked to the local bar and on the way ended up rescuing this little ginger kitten who had been abandoned in a box by the side of the road. The bar were amazing and found this little scrap some tuna and we sat with him at our table, giving him tuna with water and I was cleaning him up a bit.

When we said we were flying back the next day the bar said there was a rescue they would take him to and I gave them some money by way of thanks and they took my email. Two days later they decided to keep him and one month later they sent me a photo of this little proud kitten in the doorway of the bar who became their bouncer! And they sent me money back saying he was a gift!

Even the shittest of holidays have glimmers of light. You're there with people you love - make the last night count. Sending you all the good vibes.

If it’s any consolation, my sister had terrible sickness throughout her entire pregnancy and at 24
weeks had the Maldives booked, did not enjoy it at all. It was also booked prior to the pregnancy and they saved for years to go. I think she spent the 2 weeks in bed. Unfortunately it happens, even when on the holiday of a lifetime 😔

What a boring life you lead. I was lucky to have had lots of wonderful holidays with mine by 14 months old. We aren’t all negative pessimists!

I feel for you. I think we all have holidays like that from time to time. The next one will be better. Feeling sick will have made everything seem worse, and as for the worry over test results. I had to google NIPT and it looks something like the triple plus test that was offered yrs ago. I refused it for both pregnancies but I knew several people who took it, had stress waiting for result, came out slightly high risk, refused the amnio, then spent months in terrible anxiety, but all had healthy babies. So your hols got off to bad start, and then you had heat to deal with. Chalk it up to experience and don't let it put you off in future.