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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To disagree….

11 replies

Lou1913 · 29/06/2025 16:17

For context within the last 10yrs our marriage was rocked massively twice by his actions.

Husband has a motorbike which is about the only thing that relaxes and makes him happy. But he doesn’t have a lot of time to ride it - twice a month. His new job commute is blighted by heavy traffic over the summer and he wants to ride his motorbike once a week. Which I get. He’s been looking at rucksacks but has concluded his current bike isn’t ideal so has moved onto a different bike with luggage onboard.

Yesterday he ran a quick errand but two hours later no sign so I messaged him. He was buying another motorbike not one with on board luggage but an almost exact replica albeit different brand and newer than what he currently has. So basically no solution to the current problem. He also has the dealership working out a package to buy a more suitable commuting one - raising his collection to 3 bikes. At this rate I think a chartered helicopter to work once a week over the summer would be cheaper.

I didn’t react nastily I just said you’ve doubled your current headache and will triple your collection. We have a big renovation at home that needs doing put off last year. And he’s spoken in the last 24hrs about my car changing. The money he’s spending plus the house job we must do will almost wipe us out. I said I felt it was an extreme and un-pragmatic solution to a possible one day a week commute.

He’s walked away from the ‘discussion’ because he doesn’t like my view / reaction, said he’ll have to cancel the orders and raised his voice at me and told me why are we together we’re so different…..

OP posts:
floppybit · 29/06/2025 16:19

My ex was a bike wanker - I feel your pain

YodasHairyButt · 29/06/2025 16:23

People often react defensively when you point out that they are being thoughtless and selfish. I also feel your pain.

Shitmonger · 29/06/2025 16:24

He doesn’t see anything beyond his own wants and desires in the moment, does he? So he tries to buy two more bikes to manage to commute one day a week and you’re the unreasonable one for pointing out how insane that is? He sounds like an idiot.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/06/2025 16:37

What’s his justification for this?

And what were his previous marriage rocking actions?

Lou1913 · 29/06/2025 16:53

ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/06/2025 16:37

What’s his justification for this?

And what were his previous marriage rocking actions?

Bought cos he’s always liked this model of bike.

Infidelity although no sex apparently means it’s okay! Also our bank/credit cards where raided when he was [possibly drugged] in a ‘Gentleman’s’ bar….

OP posts:
Greenbird88 · 29/06/2025 17:15

Lou1913 · 29/06/2025 16:53

Bought cos he’s always liked this model of bike.

Infidelity although no sex apparently means it’s okay! Also our bank/credit cards where raided when he was [possibly drugged] in a ‘Gentleman’s’ bar….

Based on this I’d say you’ve unfortunately created a precedent for putting up with his unreasonable behaviour. He now believes he can just do what he likes.

SetPhasersToStunning · 29/06/2025 17:26

Lou1913 · 29/06/2025 16:53

Bought cos he’s always liked this model of bike.

Infidelity although no sex apparently means it’s okay! Also our bank/credit cards where raided when he was [possibly drugged] in a ‘Gentleman’s’ bar….

When you tell a man you’ll stand by him through anything, he’ll put you through everything.

It’s not going to get better, OP. It’ll keep getting worse and worse.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/06/2025 17:53

Lou1913 · 29/06/2025 16:53

Bought cos he’s always liked this model of bike.

Infidelity although no sex apparently means it’s okay! Also our bank/credit cards where raided when he was [possibly drugged] in a ‘Gentleman’s’ bar….

Leave this man.

Jabberwok · 29/06/2025 17:57

ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/06/2025 17:53

Leave this man.

Do it...he's cheated, gone to a strip bar and now gone and spent a lot of money without even discussing it with you. He's got a great life really...what have you got?

unsync · 29/06/2025 18:08

This is not how a husband should behave. You are supposed to be a partnership. He's behaving like a single person. Why do you tolerate this? How long are you prepared to live this way?

Didimum · 29/06/2025 18:32

Lou1913 · 29/06/2025 16:53

Bought cos he’s always liked this model of bike.

Infidelity although no sex apparently means it’s okay! Also our bank/credit cards where raided when he was [possibly drugged] in a ‘Gentleman’s’ bar….

Yeah ... sorry, but this guy has 100% been having sex with his affair partners.

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