Is my marriage over

[Whatthefuck3456]

Hi all

i need some outside perspective around this. Been with partner 7 years married 2. Always had a bit of a turbulent relationship, he has ADHD and it significantly impacts my marriage, I struggle with how this effects me.

All that aside I have never felt so lonely, I feel more lonely than I did when I was single. My husband has mh problems and takes SSRIs. We have sex approx 1-2x a month and this is on his call, no foreplay and lasts around 2 minutes. I have a high sex drive and need touch for connections. I need a connection to feel good and to appreciate and enjoy being married, without connection there is nothing that makes us partners, we have grown so far apart I can’t describe us as friends either.

I love my husband dearly and he is a great dad, but this is something that deeply hurts me, makes me feel invisible and unloved. Yet we can never speak about it because he doesn’t understand what I’m talking about and from his point of view I’m selfish! We have a daughter and I know we are both together for her. This relationship being over will destroy me, but it’s also destroying me staying in the marriage.

i feel trapped but also want my marriage to work

Just to add I do not need penetration I would be happy with touch in other ways. Kisses on my neck, foreplay, just some acknowledgment that he wants me but struggles to participate sexually. There is no talk of masturbation or how he can help. I feel at a complete loss

Before you call it a day could you go you couples therapy?

I’m already in therapy myself trying to work out if it’s me? Am I needy? My self esteem is on the floor, sometimes he makes me feel dirty for wanting touch from him and just shuts me down saying I’m selfish!! We’ve said some nasty things to each other today so it may be too far to come back either way.

Sounds like it will be if you can't resolve this.

Does he realise his marraige is in real trouble and is he willing to try counselling to see if a compromise can be reached?

He knows but he feels it’s all my fault. All I feel is resentment towards him, connection is a massive part of my life in relationships and I am so angry at myself for being in this position.

From his point of view I don’t respect him and he doesn’t like the person I am anymore, but then from my point of view; I am so angry and resentful, I feel he’s taken away the one thing in life I really enjoy and the one thing I cannot give myself. There is no talking it’s a case of shut up and put up, and I should be happy with him watching YouTube in bed all night but because he rests his hand on me, we should be fine.