FWB asking if I pulled

[Katysafairy]

Soo long story…will try and make it shorter

Ive been friends with benefits with a guy for 8 months. Hes great, we get on great, sex is great. We both understood the arrangement as it stands but had never discussed if we exclusively are just each others FWB and whether we were seeing other people ever (we use condoms when we have sex so stis not at issue) We text every single day just for context.

There’s been things between us very occasionally that does make me think maybe there are feelings there (maybe a tiny bit) from both of us but I think we are both happy with this arrangement.

A couple of months ago I casually asked him if he was doing this with anyone else via text (I have autism and sometimes I say things without meaning and without thinking.) He got annoyed with me for asking and said it wasn’t something he would ever ask me as it shouldn’t be either of our business as we aren’t a couple. And then just refused to answer the question. To be fair I kind of understood that and as we have protected sex it shouldn’t be eachothers business and I apologised for asking and we never bought it up again.

This weekend I’ve been away for a friends birthday just a ladies weekend, where we booked hotels etc so we didn’t have to worry about getting back. Had a great weekend and today I got a message from him asking if I got with anyone while we were clubbing or if I took someone back to hotel at all!!

Am I being unreasonable that I’m actually annoyed about this question considering how he responded when and I asked a similar topic question….. I want to refuse to answer. The truth is no I haven’t and also I haven’t been sleeping with anyone or talking to anyone since we started FWBing.

Why would he ask this? I’m quite confused!

OP you know there aren’t actually rules on how relationships or situationships or FWB work? It’s something the people involved negotiate together. If you want an exclusive arrangement, even if it’s not a serious relationship, then you can ask for that. And the other person can agree or disagree. It’s not that hard or that strange a thing to ask for. You just say you don’t like to share even when it’s just a FWB thing so if he wants to see other people or meets someone else, that’s fine but your arrangement ends at that point.
From what you’ve said about this guy, he didn’t want to be exclusive. He might be jealous enough now that he’d consider it! But either way, you are half of this equation and you get to ask for what you want too - not just agree or disagree with what he’s told you he wants.

Not necessarily. Sometimes there can be an understanding that you’re not dating because the relationship couldn’t go anywhere for XYZ reasons, but you want to sleep with each other exclusively without the expectation that you’ll get more serious as time goes on.

Makes sense if you’ve discussed it and agreed that, OP clearly hasn’t though and without a discussion friends with benefits is usually just that

Thank you so much everyone for your replies!

I messaged back and said “interesting questions considering how you responded when I asked if you were doing this with anyone else.”

He opened it and didn’t reply for 3 hours. Then just replied “Ok”

Thank you, you are very right I think I’ve just been mostly going on what he wants from this. I’m quite laid back but I haven’t really thought about setting my own boundaries with this.

Stop being his FWB. It's going to get awkward isn't it?

I'm sorry for sounding daft, old fashioned, and plain clueless - but why don't you just have a relationship with him?

It sounds as if you've both got feelings for each other. Can you just suggest/admit it to him?

That’s not it at all ..
He doesn’t want OP with anyone else , he’s a guy & they’re all ego !
They don’t like to share , one set of rules for them & another for us women ..

Well like anything that has to be done more than once in order to make a comparison, we will never know.

You think what you think. I will think what I think. It doesn't make either of us right or wrong.

Yes , but what you say doesn’t make sense ..
He already said it isn’t any of her Business when she asked was he with others , & it was sorted & not brought up again ..
OP went away then for a weekend, & obviously on his mind , was she with anyone, so he asked , clear as day hoping that she wasn’t , giving absolutely zero thought back to when she asked him ..
like I say different set of rules for him ..

And I stand by the fact that he only did it to make her feel as shit as she had made him. I don't understand how anyone in his situation wouldn't realise that his behaviour was exactly what he'd told her off about. I believe he was waiting for his chance to do this, and she gave it to him in the fullness of time.

I had a FWB who would send me messages like your guys, but it was because he would get off on thinking about me sleeping with other men, not because he was interested in being exclusive with me!

How would her question make him feel like shit ?
I’d be pretty sure the reasoning behind him asking her the same question , is not because he’s finally given the opportunity to get his own back !
infact that sounds stupid tbh

How would her question make him feel like shit ?

Because it was a rather personal question, to which the OP says:

"He got annoyed with me for asking and said it wasn’t something he would ever ask me as it shouldn’t be either of our business as we aren’t a couple. And then just refused to answer the question".

That's not the reaction of someone who was overjoyed at what he'd been asked.

But regardless of this, I refer to my earlier point where I said you and I have differing viewpoints. I gave my advice, you chose to quote me and tell me I was wrong. I responded by saying neither of us is right or wrong, as we are not the people involved, so we don't actually know and never will.

I could continue to explain my thought processes to you until the point where one of us dies of old age, however, I am not going to do that. You have failed to convince me of your argument, and I have failed to convince you of mine. I will never change my mind on this, and nor will you. There is nothing in wrong in that at all.

This. Don't waste any energy on it. He's just a penis.

I don’t text my friends or family every day never mind a FWB. He asked because you asked that’s fairly easy to say and you’re annoyed, hence which was his reaction when you asked him. You don’t need to know if he’s sleeping with anyone else and same applies to him. It sounds like you’re overly invested in this. Unless you have a friendship where you do stuff in a group and are actual friends I would limit your contact for just shags.

That’s a fair enough point ..
We are all entitled to our own view , you are right ..