To admit defeat

[notanothersummercold]

Dd13 spends way too long on her phone for my liking. Even had it confiscated at school this week - no sympathy from me, she knows their rules.
Got parental controls but think she has worked out how to override them so the only way to stop her being on it is to physically take the phone away which l do every evening at 8pm, so it's not in her room overnight.
Today we are going tona friend's for lunch and there will be other kids there. I've said her phone stays in my bag - cue a massive strop cos "everyone else will have theirs" so l said well if they do you can have yours but l will decide when we get there.
Husband just told me l am out of order cos they will all be on their phones.
I fucking despair. Shall l say fuck it have it as much as you want because maybe then she won't want it? Or is she at an age where l do still need to remove it?
Thoughts please - am happy to receive constructive criticism and advice
Thanks all.

Your DH should have backed you up. Perfectly reasonable to keep it in your bag and to give it to her if all the others are on theirs.

We used to turn WiFi off for DCs devices at a certain time in the evening using our WiFi providers website. They would be on it 24/7 given the chance, I think YANBU to police a 13 year olds time on their phone.

Thank you - if it had been the other way around l 100% would have backed him.

I have been listening to a lot of podcasts about screen use because my 12 year old DD will no doubt want a phone soon.

It is VERY hard. We are really up against it with the tech giants making phones so addictive.

Having said that, the one rule I am planning to try and stick to (could be famous last words, lol) is no phones in bedrooms. Only in living areas. Most important reason for this is the DC then can't be coerced into taking dodgy photos and sending them. Also, it naturally limits phone use a bit more if they want to get away and go to their bedroom, they can't take their phone. So that is the hill I would die on.

As for being on her phone at friend's house - far from ideal, but very difficult if all others are on their phones. So that is probably not a battle i would fight at this stage (but your DH should have backed you up regardless). Would focus on phone use in the house, as that is more within your control (well, theoretically anyway 😆)

That's a good rule.
It is hard because they need their phones for homework too so as parents we are up against it.
I'm not that struct a parent but l feel like so much screen use for developing brains just isn't good.

It’s the homework bit that’s a killer as I have restricted / confiscated my DS (14) phone in the past & ended up having to give it back to him earlier than I would have chosen to purely because of his homework!!

Anyway Op, you’re not wrong to police a 13 year olds phone & your DH should have backed you (although likely he is right!)! Hope you have a nice, teenage-drama-free lunch!