Household chores.

[Jessiep23]

I have a question…..
You are a SAHM not by choice but had to stop working your part time job due to your ASD/ADHD child being unable to cope in school and going into a reduced timetable and you are driving back and forth to school daily 20 miles away.

The husband leaves home at 6.45am and returns at 5pm he loves his job, it can be physical but not too bad generally.

Who should do the lions share of the housework? I do 95% of it, he will load dishwasher after dinner and he does the garden and puts the bins out once a week and cooks once a week THAT IS IT!

I’m exhausted, burnt out and struggling! Advocating for a SEN child is hard.

I tell him how I’m feeling and he says ‘but you are not working’

I’ve said about having some time for myself to start a hobby and he said where is my time 😡.

I’m really questioning things at the moment.

Thanks 🙏🏻

No he didn’t and he absolutely would not, so I guess I have a lot of resentment there also.

For a while I was working, doing school runs, working in the evening to make up time I was away for. It wasn’t sustainable, even then there was no offer to help from him.

He never used to be like this, I’m not sure what’s changed.

I have to stay on site unfortunately incase of any issues.

1.5 hours. I wait on site.

11 and 7.

She was trying to be a clever cunt hahahaha, thinking your child was in school 6 hours a day and insinuating that you’ve 6 hours a day to yourself! except she was wrong!

And also, us SEN Mums then have about a billion other things to do even if our child does stay at school. I need half an hour to get over the screaming and carrying on that we have all the way to school! The appointments, the telephone calls, the paper work, the decorating and fixing things (because SEN kids can be destructive)

Workimg full time is easier than being a SAHM with a complex SEN child and I know this because over done FT, PT and SAHM.

Sorry I’ve no advice I just love that you had an answer that will have taken the wind right out of her sails.

IMO it’s not unreasonable that you take on most of the housework as that does seem a long day for him but you certainly should have some time to yourself for a hobby away from the home and to decompress, as should he. I’m not sure how you can do that though.

❤️

Then YA(Absolutely)NBU. I really feel for Mum's who have to go through this shit. Men are supposed to be more involved with their children's lives these days, but it's still often very much at the expense of good women and mothers, like yourself, propping them up.

Get the diary out, block a slot for you and ask him when he wants a slot. If he says he doesn't, write him a list of things to do in the time frame.

Your partner should be coming home and doing 50% of the work as soon as he steps in the door.

Anyone who says YABU has not walked in the shoes of having a child who is a school refuser. Thankfully (touchwood) mine is ok but the time he wasn’t was awful and hard and actually DH had to step up more than when I was working part time

because it burns you out

mark out a better chore divide and whst is your time and what is his

When you're tired, rest first. Don't stress over demands or waste words on those who don't get you. Skip non-essential chores. Your husband contributes too, so don't worry about doing everything. Focus on the love and hard work you both share.