Health anxiety over kids - anyone else??

[Witchywoman2510]

Hi I'm doing my own head in and would really appreciate hearing anyone else's stories / thoughts...please don't give me any harsh comments - I am purely looking for words of wisdom or advice!
My DD2 was born with a heart condition and has had 3 surgeries and a pacemaker. I have PTSD from this and high anxiety. I am terrible is she is ill.

Just lately I have been absolutely over the top around my DD3...She was ill a lot at preschool and finds it hard to take medicine, so when she is ill it lasts a while! She is under observations for possible ASD and is waiting for a hypermobility assessment. She is a pale child with nearly every vein showing (all are the same), but I find myself constantly looking at her and checking for bruises - as she has always bruised easily. She is prone to falling over and the bruises always go away after a few days. I got to the point that I even took her to the GP because of it, he explained that if they are fading and she doesn't bleed excessively when falling over, then her blood platelets etc are likely to be fine. However, every new bruise I see, I find myself googling and it comes up with the usual scary stuff which sends me into a frenzy!! She's a well child and has only been ill twice since Christmas, is it just me?! Tonight I saw a tiny purple dot bruise and panicked (I know how crazy that sounds) but I equally know that she is ALWAYS bumping into things and falling over. Does anyone have any experience with hypermobility and bruising etc? She also suffers from constipation which I know can be related. Sorry for the long post, I just wish I didn't keep looking for answers on Google! Thanks x

Nothing useful to say about your DD’s condition in afraid, but just to say I also have PTSD and crippling anxiety from my son’s illness and I know how debilitating and hard it is :( time is definitely helping me, as well as therapy, but I see you ❤️

Thank you 😭 my family don't seem to get it, but when you've faced life and death with a child I think it has a knock on effect to the rest of them. I'm glad you are finding some help ❤️

I have healthy anxiety about my kids too, the minute anyone says the have something sore I panic and go straight to worst case scenario, my husband is sick to the back teeth of me 🤦🏼‍♀️. I did a CBT course and that helped to a certain extent and I try and use the tools I learned to rationalise and clam myself down but it's really hard.

I'm the same after my son having cancer last year. He's in remission now but no one tells you that's actually the hardest part because it's constant terror that he will relapse or my other worry is a secondary cancer.

Me too! There's logic in my brain somewhere, but I let Google cloudy judgement!

I'm glad your son is ok now 🙏 I get what you mean about the hardest part, obviously a lot different from your situation but I'm constantly worrying about my daughter's heart, if something gets worse or she needs more surgery etc. it's a never ending cycle x

I have hyper mobility and dyspraxia. I'm permanently covered in bruises and I'm now 50. I bash myself into everything all the time, they don't tend to hurt unless I've hit something really hard. I don't know where the vast majority of them come from but I get bruised very easily, so even a slight knock will bruise. I'm a teacher so get masses from work (walking into tables is the main thing) but when I was a child I fell over a chalk line on the floor, so was permanently scabby or bruised. You cannot control this as a parent but wrapping DC in cotton wool is also not helpful, you need to be brisk and business like whenever possible or they won't take (sensible) risks or get stuck into life. I don't suffer in any way (other than sometimes an immediate "Fuuuuuuck that's going to be huge" after a mega bash into something) so do try not to worry too much, you'll drive yourself insane.

Thanks.

I can understand the heart thing too. My son had a lot of complications and actually had a cardiac arrest for 17 minutes and to rest his heart which wasn't fully working at the time, he was put on ecmo. His heart is completely fine as of now but he'll need heart scans every 5 years because chemotherapy can cause heart issues in the future.

He was in PICU for 7 weeks and when he was well enough to go into the shared bay, his roomies were almost always babies who had just had heart surgery.

Oh and totally stopping googling really helped me too.

I’m the exact same, I’ve one dd with a rare genetic growth disorder and she’s had a myriad of treatments over the years and this has left me with PTSD and anxiety, every time she’s ill, I’m panicking like hell, as well as that, 2 of my kiddos also have EDS and have regular dislocations. Its hard work as I also have EDS

hypermobilty and bruising… because its a collagen issue (the collagen is faulty) this means we are likely to bruise a lot easier as the vessels are made with collagen, we also have weaker skin so we tear our skin more easily and typically slower healing too.

Vitamin c supplements really helped my kiddos with less bruising (thank you ChatGPT!) and avoiding ibruprofen as it thins the blood and therefore makes them more prone to bruising

Thank you! I know what you mean, sometimes I try to brush things off like "you'll be fine" but doubt and anxiety creep over me then she gets annoyed that I'm always checking her!

I'm glad it's not just me! Sometimes I think I'm crazy, I panic with a sniffle at the moment!

Thanks for explaining the bruising, it's always on boney areas like shins, ankles and occasional spine. Her shoulder blades stick out when she is in certain positions too, finger touches her wrist, knees bend back when she's standing straight etc. my heart daughter also has it but seems to be growing out of it, I just don't remember her falling so much and bruising. I was more concerned about everything else she had going on I guess. Nobody warns you how much you'll panic as a parent!

A lot of kids are hypermobile to an extent when they’re younger, it’s one of the reasons why it’s hard to diagnose EDS because it is brushed off so much, we all have classical and it’s only because one kiddo went for genetic testing to see if they had the same condition as my dd12 that we ended up getting diagnosed. I was 33 and thought it was pretty normal to have the issues I do.

im getting better at checking my dd12, its really hard but therapy has helped massively and having some coping mechanisms for it. I still can’t go to bed without checking her heart rate and bp, thank god for her heavy sleeping 🤣 id deffo recommend some trauma therapy though. It has made a huge difference for me.

Oh I completely understand!
The things that have worked for me which have ended my health anxiety:
-therapy, they give good tactics to try
-set aside 10mins every day to journal my concerns and then do something to distract me/o enjoy straight after. Stops me from.worrying non stop.
-breathing exercises and the app Headspace

• no more Google. I did a Google ban. It was whipping me up into a frenzy. But I did allow myself to look at the NHS website.
• I educated myself. At the doctors I asked lots of questions and learned as much as I could directly from them. Now when we go to the GP I know more than they do about the kid's specific issues.

-i have a thermometer and the finger probe for oxygen and heart rate. I also learnt from a GP how to look for ear infections as that is a side effect of one of my son's health issue, along with tonsillitis. These small things I can check at home, if their obs are fine I take a deep breath and check the next day.

It is so hard. I really do understand. But I was nicely reminded that my kids can pick up on my anxiety and I don't want them to feel like this, which made me make some changes. I am so much better than 6 months ago. But it isn't easy!

Also, give yourself some kindness. You love your child so muchabnd you've dealt with a LOT!

Thanks so much for your reply! It's Google that's the devil for me. I think I def need therapy, talking about my worries out loud seems to help somehow.

Pretty much every bruise she gets she can account for and they go within a week, but I'm constantly on the look out for them. As you said, kids pick up on anxiety and she knows I keep looking at her. It's exhausting! Good to know I'm not alone though.