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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have internet at home?

60 replies

VelvetLady88 · 28/06/2025 11:52

I live with gaming addiction & find the best way to manage this is not to have internet at home. I've previously used various software to block sites & manage screen time but I've always relapsed. I've lost our home & jobs during relapses so I'm terrified this happens again. My DS is due to start secondary school in August & I'm worried about how he will do his homework without internet. At primary school he had been doing his homework at an after school club as they have Wi-Fi. We go to the library & gaming cafes on a Saturday & school holidays so he can game & keep in touch with friends & he has internet access at his Dad's home on a Sunday. He doesn't have a smartphone & his new school don't allow them. I don't have a smartphone. He will be able to go to the local library for 1hr after school to do his homework & can work offline as we have a laptop at home. Is this reasonable for him to be able to do his homework with this amount of internet access?

OP posts:
LilacWineIsSweetAndHeady · 28/06/2025 11:59

Tricky, I voted that YABU as this will definitely affect your son through school.

They may not be allowed smart phones in school but in a few years his social life will be organised via whatever messaging platform is popular at the time and he is bound to feel left out.
It also means he can't just do homework as and when he wants to, he has to do it all in one go at the library.
I would get him a tablet/phone and put plenty of data on it for him.

Parrotdrill · 28/06/2025 12:01

A lot of stuff may be done online - I would talk to school to see if they have homework club etc and also a lot of communication is done via email etc. I think it would be really difficult.

totally understand why you don’t have it - but it might be unsustainable as he moves up into secondary school as so much research and communication is done online. As are parents evenings etc - many no longer face to face but via zoom.

Mrsttcno1 · 28/06/2025 12:25

YABU because this will absolutely impact your son through school. Lots of things are online now homework wise especially once you’re into projects & research, tests set online to be done as homework, and not just educationally but also socially this will really impact him- all the friendships and plans are made on Whatsapp/iMessage etc, him not having access to those things will restrict his social life. Even gaming now at that age is a common way of lads playing & bonding, playing on “live” together and all chatting away with their headsets on. You need to find a way to work around this without it being an issue for your child.

If you are adamant you cannot have wifi then I’d say as a minimum he needs a laptop or tablet which is just for him and it needs to have its own data plan so that HE has internet.

missmollygreen · 28/06/2025 12:28

YABU, I think it is pretty selfish to deny the internet to your family just because you cannot control your gaming addiction.

greencartbluecart · 28/06/2025 12:31

Addiction is a serious illness so I don’t think you are unreasonable in trying to avoid a relapse - it may take a lot of effort to work around it for him

wombat1a · 28/06/2025 12:31

I think this is your problem so you are BU if your solution is to deny something which is almost essential now to school kids (think of looking up explainations of things they didn't understand earlier).

DysmalRadius · 28/06/2025 12:33

Have you had treatment for your addiction?

TheCurious0range · 28/06/2025 12:34

Do you still have gaming equipment? If not the laptop belongs to your son he keeps it in his room. You can get those little myfi devices and similar that have data but only he should have the password. He will struggle with no internet access at all

Rewis · 28/06/2025 12:40

Can you get him a USB modem or other portable WiFi dongle type device. Then it would only be on his laptop.

Vaxtable · 28/06/2025 12:41

YABU. Your poor child, having to suffer because of you. He will need internet access in secondary school, one hour a night at a library won’t cut it, nor will working offline he will need to look stuff up. (And he will need a smart phone eventually)

You need to come up with a better solution for your problem, not impact that problem in your child

so remove all gaming equipment, your son can have his but locked away with only him having the key so you can’t use it, there must she some sort of support similar to AA use that, continue to block all sites,, tell your son to change the wifi password and not tell you what it is so you can’t use it

Put your child first

LlynTegid · 28/06/2025 12:42

Rewis · 28/06/2025 12:40

Can you get him a USB modem or other portable WiFi dongle type device. Then it would only be on his laptop.

Agree with this, just him having access not anyone else. Perhaps him having a phone which can be tethered.

Your addiction seems a severe one so I get why you do not want wider internet access.

Spirallingdownwards · 28/06/2025 12:45

Agree you will be completely doing your son a disservice. Get the WiFi but get him to set the password and not let you have it!

ilovesooty · 28/06/2025 12:48

I think it's going to be necessary for him to have Internet access but this must be so hard for you. I hope you'll be able to look past posters who are shaming you for struggling with addiction.

Catsandcannedbeans · 28/06/2025 12:49

We didn’t have reliable internet when I was growing up so I used to go to the library every day after school to do my homework ect. It is possible and I will say it was a good habit to get into for university. However I think you should have internet at home for your son, it will make his life easier. Surly there’s another way to manage the gaming addiction?

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 28/06/2025 12:51

It might be tricky, but the best thing to do is talk to the school - if they run afterschool clubs or whatever in the evenings, he may be able to stay on site if they understand why.

Turtlebed · 28/06/2025 12:51

YANBU Obviously not ideal, but this is the real world we live in and it's not perfect. Keeping your gaming addiction under control is more important in my opinion. You will have to work hard so your DS is able to do his school work, I do think it's worth talking to the school. Just think how detrimental it would be to your son if you relapsed, far worse than having to go to the library to do his homework. I think you are being a responsible parent.

Zanatdy · 28/06/2025 12:52

He is likely to need a smartphone soon, and he can use this as a personal hotspot for a laptop, or can search using the phone. He will need internet yes, but you don’t need wifi in the home.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 28/06/2025 12:53

Vaxtable · 28/06/2025 12:41

YABU. Your poor child, having to suffer because of you. He will need internet access in secondary school, one hour a night at a library won’t cut it, nor will working offline he will need to look stuff up. (And he will need a smart phone eventually)

You need to come up with a better solution for your problem, not impact that problem in your child

so remove all gaming equipment, your son can have his but locked away with only him having the key so you can’t use it, there must she some sort of support similar to AA use that, continue to block all sites,, tell your son to change the wifi password and not tell you what it is so you can’t use it

Put your child first

Bloody hell, there are plenty of ways to give this advice without battering someone with a severe addiction which she is trying hard to manage.

@Vaxtable what the hell is wrong with you that you want to kick someone like this?

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 28/06/2025 12:55

Zanatdy · 28/06/2025 12:52

He is likely to need a smartphone soon, and he can use this as a personal hotspot for a laptop, or can search using the phone. He will need internet yes, but you don’t need wifi in the home.

This is a good point.

It eats data but it should work.

I’d talk to the school and see if they can help with a setup

Ihaveacatwhoisfat · 28/06/2025 12:56

All our sickness, absences, homework, paying for school trips, notifications from teachers, and parents evenings are done via app and online. You need to find a way to navigate this for him and yourself.

ilovesooty · 28/06/2025 12:58

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 28/06/2025 12:53

Bloody hell, there are plenty of ways to give this advice without battering someone with a severe addiction which she is trying hard to manage.

@Vaxtable what the hell is wrong with you that you want to kick someone like this?

Edited
Show quote history

Well said. What is wrong with some people?

TheGriffle · 28/06/2025 13:05

We are just coming to the end of our first year of secondary and could not have managed without internet access. Every single bit of communication to parents is through the schools app, behaviour points, newsletters, praise messages from teachers, it’s how we contact teachers if there’s an issue, book slots for parents evening, school trips, house point updates, homework, everything. I understand you not wanting to set back your excellent progress but you will need to find a way to navigate a little bit of the internet to keep up with everything at your sons school.

TheOriginalEmu · 28/06/2025 13:06

Some people clearly have no idea how addiction works.

would you be saying that the OP was selfish if she didn’t allow alcohol in her house due to an addiction? I think not.

my solution would be to get him a smart phone with unlimited data on the plan and have him lock it with his face or whatever so you can’t access it.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 28/06/2025 13:15

This is very difficult. It's one of those things like food addiction as opposed to alcoholism or drug addictions: you can strictly keep all traces of booze or drugs away from your home, with no harm (and a lot of good) for everybody in the house; but you can't just simply have no food in.

I realise this is very unorthodox, but if your DS is a responsible kid, is there a way of letting him control the wifi password and access? You could still see if your ISP can block adult sites at a supplier level; and/or otherwise make it a condition that he can only use the internet in a family room, with you able to watch him.

Alternatively, is there another trusted adult in your wider family or friend group who could control it remotely for you?

Bikergran · 28/06/2025 13:19

VelvetLady88 · 28/06/2025 11:52

I live with gaming addiction & find the best way to manage this is not to have internet at home. I've previously used various software to block sites & manage screen time but I've always relapsed. I've lost our home & jobs during relapses so I'm terrified this happens again. My DS is due to start secondary school in August & I'm worried about how he will do his homework without internet. At primary school he had been doing his homework at an after school club as they have Wi-Fi. We go to the library & gaming cafes on a Saturday & school holidays so he can game & keep in touch with friends & he has internet access at his Dad's home on a Sunday. He doesn't have a smartphone & his new school don't allow them. I don't have a smartphone. He will be able to go to the local library for 1hr after school to do his homework & can work offline as we have a laptop at home. Is this reasonable for him to be able to do his homework with this amount of internet access?

Get the internet but make it password protected and only let your son make and use the password?