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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Male friend cheated on his wife and I can barley talk to him AIBU

16 replies

2025meme · 28/06/2025 00:54

Hi I’ve a male friend I’ve known 18 years, we talk online a few times a week as he lives 100 miles away. Never been a friendship for meeting up but we have supported each other though awful things.
He’s married 13 years no children she’s his 4th wife.
A couple days ago he told me he and his wife are splitting up been a year of growing apart but now they’ve agreed to go their own ways .
i asked if he has someone else as he’s lost loads weight on mounjaro and kept taking about how much attention he’s had off women from work and a photo was sent to his wife of him cuddling one and his wife was upset.

He admitted he’s meet a women 7 years younger really attractive and they kissed a lot and now she’s leaving her husband for him and he’s leaving his wife for her !

I can’t deal with cheats, he’s running off with someone he barley knows and she’s dumping her husband - I think it’s more than a kiss but I just don’t feel the same about our friendship as he’s lied - told me the past year he and his wife have lots life plans how amazing she is and how much he loves her and now he’s trying to say it’s been a year of not getting on and having separate lives, he barely messages me this any month before he told me and I feel awful for his wife. His wife is desperate for them to get back together he said today but 2!days ago he said she doesn’t want to be with him.

I feel it’s lies, he’s meet this women and leaving his wife for a stranger.
AIBU for feeling I feel he’s not the person I thought he was - he’s now blunt with me as I said it’s not a good idea to leave a spouce for a stranger and if I did I’d be single and not go straight into another relationship x

OP posts:
WiganWheel · 28/06/2025 00:59

All you need to know is the idiot has been married 4 times. It’s not the wives.

2025meme · 28/06/2025 01:01

WiganWheel · 28/06/2025 00:59

All you need to know is the idiot has been married 4 times. It’s not the wives.

You’re right I did think that when I wrote it x :(

OP posts:
CatRoleplayTycoon · 28/06/2025 01:04

Four times? I imagine this is his usual pattern. Or of course the four wives were fiendish hellcats one and all, but he’s about to embark on number five nonetheless because he’s suddenly found True Love.

Charla69 · 28/06/2025 08:27

You are not being unreasonable!. I had a male friend who did this with a work collage (he had a girlfriend and young child), I told him he was wrong and a bad person. He couldn't take that so blocked me, good riddance.

BeverleyCleverley · 28/06/2025 08:36

Four times.
Plus constant messaging of other women throughout those marriages too.

His new girlfriend (the OW) is definitely going to regret leaving her husband!

BettyCrockerClinic · 28/06/2025 09:05

What made you think marriage number four would be any different?

2025meme · 28/06/2025 10:15

BettyCrockerClinic · 28/06/2025 09:05

What made you think marriage number four would be any different?

Eh I didn’t say it would I just said he’s been married 4 times nothing to do with me or the situation

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 28/06/2025 10:18

So he's divorcing also for the 4th time... I am not sure why you are so shocked OP as he seems to have somewhat of a past.

Octonaut4Life · 28/06/2025 10:20

I wouldn't personally continue a friendship with someone whose moral compass is so different from my own.

2025meme · 28/06/2025 13:26

isthismylifenow · 28/06/2025 10:18

So he's divorcing also for the 4th time... I am not sure why you are so shocked OP as he seems to have somewhat of a past.

Well my mum was married 3 times each ended for different reasons no one cheated

OP posts:
2025meme · 28/06/2025 13:28

Octonaut4Life · 28/06/2025 10:20

I wouldn't personally continue a friendship with someone whose moral compass is so different from my own.

Yes I feel he’s ammoy at me but he knows how I feel about cheating
no one has to cheat be single then find someone new
hate people who need someone new lined up to leave a partner

OP posts:
MsDDxx · 28/06/2025 13:55

2025meme · 28/06/2025 10:15

Eh I didn’t say it would I just said he’s been married 4 times nothing to do with me or the situation

I think it has more to do with it than you realise.

Your mum’s situation is irrelevant but going by the situation here, the fact he’s been married four times AND he’s moving on yet again, shows a very blatant pattern. Unless you’re going to say none of the previous three marriages ended with infidelity either…

TY78910 · 28/06/2025 14:13

Well he’s had 4 marriages… he is leaving for another woman - again. That’s all you need to know about this man. I wouldn’t give him a second thought, leave him to it. Narcissists don’t like being called out so his radio silence is a direct response to you calling him out. Your values don’t align, so that friendship ship has sailed I’m afraid.

2025meme · 28/06/2025 17:08

TY78910 · 28/06/2025 14:13

Well he’s had 4 marriages… he is leaving for another woman - again. That’s all you need to know about this man. I wouldn’t give him a second thought, leave him to it. Narcissists don’t like being called out so his radio silence is a direct response to you calling him out. Your values don’t align, so that friendship ship has sailed I’m afraid.

:( sad though I also feel judgy but he’s lied and I think he’s always been a cheat by little things he’s said before over the years

OP posts:
BettyCrockerClinic · 29/06/2025 00:27

2025meme · 28/06/2025 17:08

:( sad though I also feel judgy but he’s lied and I think he’s always been a cheat by little things he’s said before over the years

Really,

Dancingintherainxxx · 29/06/2025 00:57

One of my childhood best mates cheated on his fiance a week after he proposed to her when she found out she was pregnant.

No one in the group has spoken to him since and he's never met baby. Scum.

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