Am I the unreasonable one here?

[OneVividLilacDuck]

My Husband and I have recently had a row because I’ve got the hump with the amount of activities he does.

For example - he works 6 days a week, goes gym 3/4 times a week (1 hour in the morning), sometimes plays golf for a few hours here and there and plays football on a Sunday for 5 hours

We have 2 young kids (3&1) and I feel like I’m grasping on to anytime we can spend together as a family.

in all honesty it drives me mad that there is not 1 day in the week where he is just available the whole day. Is that unreasonable of me to be annoyed at that??

he says if I want to find a hobby we can work to find the time. Okay, when? And if I’m out doing a hobby when is there time to spend as a family?

He has just given me a solution that he can sometimes miss a game of football to do something all together. Am I mad in thinking that maybe he shouldn’t play football on the Sunday?

I just feel like all I want is time spent together and I think it’s not normal that he isn’t home for a whole day in the week. Or is that normal and I’m just wanting too much? Am I unreasonable?

Exactly. You have very young kids, forget family time just parenting those ages are soul destroying and exhausting. You need another pair of hands. Also at that ages, playing football for 5 hours every Sunday is completely unacceptable. Him saying you can do a hobby too, meaning even less time together tells you clearly he doesn’t even want to spend time with you.

I think the issue is work. I don't think any parent of young DC should be working 6 days a week Unless it's absolutely necessary. I doubt it is necessary in this case if he can afford a gym membership and golf.

You would think, sometimes they are, other times that’s when he’ll go and play a little bit of golf, meet someone for a beer.. today we actually have the football team over for a BBQ 😅 (screaming internally)

I think one of the issues is with been together since we was teenagers, we both always wanted a family, marriage, a house etc. On paper we have everything we’ve always wanted but I’m quite surprised at how much he wants to do on his own. I always thought that when we had kids we’d be a proper family unit doing things together at the weekend and just spending good quality time together..He just thinks I’m an introvert who doesn’t have many hobbies.

I think as we’ve had kids we’ve changed and both have different ideas of what our life should be like. It’s the first time in 13 years of being together that we haven’t grown in the same direction

"not growing in the same direction" is lack of communication and too many assumptions. Strong relationships need working on.

Sounds like the two of you could do with sitting down and having a discussion of what is important in life and within the family.

He clearly has too many hobbies that is having a negative impact on the family. You perhaps need to do more for yourself.

He needs to drop either the golf or the football as his currently lifestyle is that of a single bloke. Or he has his time on Sundays to do EITHER golf or football, not both, then saturday afternoon is always family time. When he is back from football/golf, then you can go and do something you'd like to do.

Just wanted to add my DH works six days and plays sport on a Sunday. I know for him he has a very very high stress job with long hours and his sport is really helping him deal with that. Is this the case with your DH? We try to engage when we can and go out afterwards or go to eat h and take a picnic etc. I have hobbies too though so it doesn’t feel as imbalanced