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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop making efforts to arrange family outings/events

2 replies

Ontherocksthisyear · 27/06/2025 21:50

I don't want to be extreme, but there has been many occasions over the last couple of years where I have arranged a family event or outing (if there is an event in the city or birthday) to be cancelled on by close family (this usually being my mum and sister, dont have a massive family). I understand people have different things going on in their life, but on some occasions their excuses for cancelling have just not seemed reasonable. Just seems sometimes they can't be bothered. Now, in some ways this doesn't bother me... im quite happy to attend events alone or just with my children/ partner etc. However, whenever they do cancel it seems to effect my self esteem. I think this might be due to having some trauma from past relationships/ upbringing over being rejected. So whenever they do cancel it hurts me more than it should, and makes me feel a bit worthless. I don't know if anyone can relate? Because of this, I really am at the point where I would like to stop planning and inviting them to things. For example, I wanted a little family gathering for my sons birthday in a couple of weeks, but I am still hurt from the last time I was cancelled on (they don't really arrange days out or birthday celebrations - which is fine, we do see each other at our houses fairly often). So I feel like I would be protecting myself to just not make the effort anymore, despite part of me wanting to do something nice with them. My son is also too young to really be bothered if they are around or not for his birthday, so I wouldn't feel like he was missing out there. Am I being silly? What would you guys do?

OP posts:
ZippyPeer · 27/06/2025 23:07

I would stop organising these type of things and see how that felt. Maybe put the energy into something else and see if you got more out of it than the (often cancelled) family events

keepingonrunning · 27/06/2025 23:19

Perfectly reasonable to stop making arrangements, your mum and sis are not valuing you or your time. I’m sorry your family menbers disappoint. Focus on your children, partner & friends who do value you.

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