To be upset with husband over tiktok searches

[Nad011]

Me and DH both 28 have been together since the age of 17. We have one ds together. He really is the perfect partner. Allows me to work part time and keep every single penny of mine to myself, pays all the bills and allows me to use his card whenever I like. He is affectionate and tells me he loves me all the time. He doesn’t have a high sex drive and neither do I but every now and again we do spend that kind of time together and everything seems so good. In the past one of our issues has been porn and his usage of it. Currently now he can’t access it as we have parental control settings and he has no form of social media apart from TikTok which he got a few months ago. I haven’t looked through his phone in so long but did last week and found absolutely nothing. It was only when he was showing me something on TikTok and searching for a video to show me I saw some innapropritae stuff on the “suggested” but it didn’t show he had searched for any of this. He told me it’s just random suggestions that comes up. Anyways today I found out you could see a persons full search and watch history. I took his phone while he was in the shower and scrolled far down and found that he had searched for “baddies to finish off to” and a few other things and when I went on his watch history it had shown he’d watched about 30 videos of this half naked girl and a few of a girl jiggling her bare ass and shown he’d watched it at around midnight when he is usually downstairs watching tv whilst I was up in bed. It was only on this one day he had looked at all these videos. I’ve confronted him and told him it’s not fair how it’s me that ends up not being to sleep at night when this happens and he’s giving me the same kind of apology he always did and seems regretful but I just can’t seem to tell myself to get over it and stop feeling this way.

So you two very rarely have sex, and he's not allowed to search up any naughty videos on TikTok? Give the man a break, what's wrong with masturbation? I wouldn't have a problem with that kind of thing. Don't you masturbate and have fantasies etc?

Wow. You sound like you're talking about a 12 year old. Parental controls? No social media? Checking his phone? No naughty videos? 'Inappropriate' videos, No wanking allowed?
Jesus. I couldn't live like that. You are being incredibly controlling and unreasonable.

I suggest you detox yourself. Get him to change his password so you don't know it. Are people not allowed privacy anymore?

I look on Reddit for naughty videos sometimes because occasionally I want a little titillation and DH is asleep/not around/I CBA with a full on sexy session. If he told me off for it I'd tell him exactly where to go. (Not that he's allowed to snoop on me in the first place)

Get a grip seriously.

I don't see the issue?

Its none of your business what he wanks to (assuming it's all legal). It's his body.
What does having an issue with porn even mean?? Was he watching it at inappropriate times?

I would be furious if my husband tried to tell me what I could and couldn't watch. He loves me though and wouldn't try to be so controlling.

I can’t get past the fact you posted about having parental controls on your partner’s devices as though that’s in any way acceptable or normal.

I can't get past "Baddies", I'm sorry 😂.

But, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I wouldn't be keen on porn use but, TikTok titillation isn't really huge in the grander scheme of things.

You also have some issues to sort. Parental controls, no Social Media, searching his phone. That's not ok in a mutually trusting relationship.

You can't ban him masturbating, unless you chop his hands off.

Also he doesn't "allow" you to work part time- your an adult you can do what you want!

I’m not here to judge you, and it seems that this is an integral issue in the two of you’s relationship that can’t really go either way, i recommend counseling as other than separation that’s all i can really see as i can tell this seems to be a deal breaker for you (rightfully so). I do have one question though, why does his phone have parental controls? Does he have a history of porn watching or inappropriate behavior on social media?

Doesn't sound like a big deal to me

Also, he could just turn off WiFi on his phone and use his mobile data to watch actual porn. So I dont think this is that bad

I’d be more worried about ‘he lets me work part time’

I couldn't get bothered about this really but if it's an issue for you, then you need to have an adult conversation about it.

I think this goes to show you can't control someone op, no social media and no porn but he is still finding ways to wank off to other women 🤷 if you're upset that your sex life isn't very good then you need to approach that with him, but honestly 99 percent of the time if you go snooping through every part of someone's phone, you're going to find something you don't like. I would be upset by this, but also, I understand I can choose to have boundaries and deal breakers and the occasional watching of things like this is probably common with most men, and as long as I am happy with my sex life and relationship I have learned to let some things go and if I do have any concerns I try and talk it through rather than drive myself mad trying to snoop and dig for things.

It actually sounds pretty tame and inexperienced for a man to search up spicy content on Tiktok! It sounds like something a 13 year old teen would do after they get their first phone. If this concerns you, be happy he doesn't know what other website and platforms are out there😆

You say that you don’t have a very high sex drive, so presumably if your husband wanted sex all the time, you’d be saying no to him quite often. Sometimes he’s going to need to get off, and sometimes that urge is going to strike him at a time when it wouldn’t be reasonable or appropriate or convenient to initiate sex. Therefore he’s going to have a wank. That’s normal and healthy and also not really anyone’s business but his. It’s not like he’s rejecting you and then locking himself away with his phone and a box of tissues.

As for what he’s watching to ‘finish off’ … it is about as tame and harmless as it gets. It’s TikTok. It won’t even be nudity. It will be girls jiggling around in bikinis. It’s not porn, it’s not depicting abuse or exploitation.

I’m pretty stunned at having child locks on the internet for a grown man and the going through his phone. If my partner was restricting my internet access and social media because he didn’t want me looking at anything ‘adult’ or seeing pictures of men’s bodies, I’d be running for the hills and considering it coercive control.

I get the impression he isn't allowed to use them..parental controls and all that.

Exactly, you can add ‘best dad’ to the delusion.

same old story. Shit men excused by women who still want to be with them and won’t hear otherwise despise all the evidence in front of them.

And ‘allowing’ you to be at home and keep all your money for yourself isn’t some sort of flex you think it is and not related to being a ‘perfect’ partner.

What's he done that's shit @Energywise ?

Why are posters who say they are alarmed by him allowing her to work part time conveniently ignoring the rest of the sentence which says whilst keeping all the money for herself - she doesn't contribute to bills and she also has access to his card. One night on tiktok is nowhere near as bad as phone snooping or financial behaviour that would at best be called cocklodger if it was the other way around

🤣🤣🤣 He's finishing off to Spiderman! Oh jeez, nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to men...