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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s not realistic to invite one parent to a wedding if they’re still married to the other?

8 replies

ThisPlumQuail · 27/06/2025 19:46

I’m low-contact with my mum and completely estranged from my dad due to longstanding abuse and boundary violations. My mum was often an enabler in the past and while we’ve had some limited contact recently, I’ve made it clear I want no relationship with my dad. But they’re still married and that’s not going to change.

I’m very newly engaged and I don’t see how I could possibly invite just my mum. Not because I’d want to include him, I absolutely don’t, but because the practical reality is, she might not come alone. Or if she did, there’d be massive pressure, drama or fallout behind the scenes.

Is it ever actually feasible to invite one parent and not the other when they’re still together? AIBU to think it’s just not worth the emotional cost?

OP posts:
JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 27/06/2025 19:50

I would invite your mum but make it clear the invitation is for her only. But then expect that she won’t come.

Laura95167 · 27/06/2025 19:59

"Mam no pressure but when I send wedding invites, I'll be inviting you but I dont want my father coming he is NOT welcome.

We will be fine if you decline, I understand why you may feel awkward so it's absolutely OK if you decline but if youd like to come you'll be welcome."

Then id expect she may not come and id forgive her if she didn't

SilviaSnuffleBum · 27/06/2025 20:24

I wouldn't invite either.

Givenupshopping · 27/06/2025 20:46

Laura95167 · 27/06/2025 19:59

"Mam no pressure but when I send wedding invites, I'll be inviting you but I dont want my father coming he is NOT welcome.

We will be fine if you decline, I understand why you may feel awkward so it's absolutely OK if you decline but if youd like to come you'll be welcome."

Then id expect she may not come and id forgive her if she didn't

This sounds perfect to me. Lays out exactly what you want, and tells her that she's free to do whatever she thinks is best without fear of you saying you never want to see her again because she didn't attend your wedding.

Congratulations on your engagement OP!

caringcarer · 27/06/2025 20:48

If she enabled him to abuse you wtf would you want either of them there?

BlueRin5eBrigade · 27/06/2025 20:48

I'd elope.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 27/06/2025 20:49

caringcarer · 27/06/2025 20:48

If she enabled him to abuse you wtf would you want either of them there?

Much easier said than done. Parental ties are very strong and even thought they enabled abuse the desire to have a relationship remains. Don’t judge if you haven’t been in the situation.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 27/06/2025 22:04

We invited fil. Dh went and told his dm to her face she wasn't invited. She put the tears on. Fil came to the service but didn't come back for the tiny reception.

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