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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partners family

10 replies

littleweedandherflowers · 27/06/2025 11:12

I’ve had an inkling for years that partners mum has slagged me off to his family! She was always slagging His brothers ex off and we all truly believed how awful the ex was to his “ poor “ mum ! She was very good at winding up and then playing the victim ! If things didn’t go her way she’d throw her toys out the pram and then moan to everyone but not tell them how she’s been !
one year I didn’t follow her demands and had Xmas in my own home and that’s when she turned nasty towards me little comments and digs undermined me where my kids were concerned brought her snappy dog round when she was asked not to etc etc
anyway I’ve thought for a long time this has happened as several of his family removed me off fb but kept everyone else on there ! They used petty excuses like “ just having a clear out etc “
have spoken to his mum and I thought it’s all sorted ! Over the years I’ve really made an effort to be her friend despite what she put me through ( she made me really unwell every visit I had migraines chest pains from the stress )

So here’s my AIBU- she came and met our baby, since the birth she’s not once text me to ask how I am or anything ! I may be over thinking this as I’ve been so unwell since the birth but not once has she text me to ask how I am, it’s not like she doesn’t know how to text because when she wants something she can send me long messages ! If I can’t make a family event I get really guilt tripped and told im part of the family etc etc
also none of his family have send any message of congratulations or anything ! Both his sils haven’t acknowledged the birth of our baby ! I knitted little outfits for their babies etc ! Feeling a little hurt by it but not sure if I’m being unreasonable!

OP posts:
littleweedandherflowers · 27/06/2025 11:53

Hopeful bump

OP posts:
juneny · 27/06/2025 12:01

she just doesn't like you

littleweedandherflowers · 27/06/2025 12:13

@juneny she doesn’t does she ! She’s asked partner how I am but she does that so she doesn’t look like she doesn’t like me and she’s all lovely, because she can’t ask how he and the kids are and not me because that would be obvious! X

OP posts:
juneny · 27/06/2025 12:39

Yeah but it doesnt matter. Shes polite and civil with you, so accept that. It's not like you like her either. Take it for what it is. Dont get yourself upset about someone else's opinion, it doesnt reflect on who you are- just them :)

Changingletters · 27/06/2025 13:43

She sounds a really unpleasant person OP. And the rest of the family don't seem much better

I can understand why you feel hurt but you cant really do anything to change her. Just have as little to do with his family as possible. Its them that's missing out on your beautiful baby.

I hope yoar health is improving OP.

littleweedandherflowers · 27/06/2025 14:36

@Changingletterstheres nothing I can do to be honest I embarrassed myself trying to be liked and part of their family !
I know she’ll be wanting to do a video call when she’s with hid brother and wife so she can show my baby off but they won’t cone and visit they haven’t met our two year old yet either so don’t see why we should do a video call so his mum can act like we’re all happy families! X

OP posts:
Charel2girl5 · 27/06/2025 14:50

littleweedandherflowers · 27/06/2025 14:36

@Changingletterstheres nothing I can do to be honest I embarrassed myself trying to be liked and part of their family !
I know she’ll be wanting to do a video call when she’s with hid brother and wife so she can show my baby off but they won’t cone and visit they haven’t met our two year old yet either so don’t see why we should do a video call so his mum can act like we’re all happy families! X

Absolutely do not do a video call. The baby is sleeping, the baby is out for a walk with your DP, the baby has emigrated to Italy. Etc. etc. etc.
Please don’t waste this wonderful (and challenging) time dancing to her tune.
Enjoy your baby and remember to look after yourself. Congratulations 💐.

nomas · 27/06/2025 15:09

Sounds like she divides and conquers so that the only person everyone speaks to her is her.

Tell DH to speak to the other relatives and tell them that his mother spoke lies and you are not as she says you are.

Don’t meet with MIL anymore, DH can see her on his own.

Don’t make any more effort, no more knitting outfits, or cards, or presents.

littleweedandherflowers · 27/06/2025 18:23

That’s exactly how it is!!
its hard because I think partner doesn’t see any wrong it what it’s been like for me x

OP posts:
SpryCat · 02/07/2025 18:25

She sounds absolutely awful, there was nothing you could have done to feel part of that family, they like to annihilate everyone behind their backs. She also likes to be in complete control of the family, that’s why you spending Christmas at home was such a big drama. She expects everyone to jump to her tune, the best way to deal with these types is to stop trying to please or caring what she thinks. She only gets in touch with you when she feels pissed off, trying to manipulate so block her number. Don’t get involved in video calls, in-laws made it clear they are interested in you or your DC so let partner pander to them. Have a cleanse of your FB friends and take them all off, if DP asks, tell him you only want people you’re close to as friends. I would stop going round there and tell DP why, he is free to go but you are fed up of being undermined, the constant digs and the tantrums when she doesn’t get her way. He may choose to ignore how his family are but it’s badly affecting you, let him deal with the fall out.

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