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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do you get the confidence to approach people you’re attracted to?

2 replies

Eatingallthebountys · 27/06/2025 07:25

Basically that.
Been single three years. I’ve only ever dated one person. Late thirties. Two kids.
I am lost at how you know who you approach, how to not come across as creepy or distant. I go out out about once a year so most of my interactions are in cafes, local bars and gigs.

I wouldn’t say I’m completely lacking in confidence as I have a good career and lots of interests. But I know I’m not one of God’s most beautiful creations. I’m a size 16, kind of broad, eccentric dress (which I’m not going to change) and odd facial features. Plus I feel old, I feel a lot older than many people I see in bars, gigs, restaurants etc.
I just can’t help feeling that I will get rejected or people automatically think I’m just some kind, interested mum type with a husband at home. All these men with holes in their ears and obscure band t shirts just look at me with kindness, not lust lol. And I do know the difference as I see how they look at my hot friends.
It all feels so depressing and my gut tells me I should probably look for older guys, the ones like my friends husbands who are all a bit boring looking, and probably still don’t fancy me.
I wish I could get it right. I’m a mum but I look like someone’s mum. I look like a visual representation of what the friend zone was invented for.
Plus I’m picky too as I’m not looking for a life partner, I’m not looking for someone to meet my kids, I’m not looking for someone who wants a lot of time or attention.
It just feels so depressing.
P.S. Never used the apps as I’m not photogenic

OP posts:
Eatingallthebountys · 27/06/2025 09:27

Is this hopeless?

OP posts:
IrritatableandHot · 27/06/2025 10:19

No, not at all! I think there is a lot to be said for getting to know people, enjoy the 'kindly' ones and see where it leads you.

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