Page 2 | Am I the strange one here?

Luckymum20 · 2025-06-26T19:37:12+00:00

My husband (20. Years) has now adult children from a previous relationship. We have two together. 14 and 11. He has massive private pensions and an inheritance - significantly large coming his way. None of this will come to me or my/our joint children. I earn less (now). But have assets. And will also have a large inheritance coming my way. We have never shared finances. His wealth, pension etc goes to HIS children. Everything I have will go to MY children. All the bills etc are in my name. I message him on payday with an amount that he owes and he transfers it. What he does with the rest of his money is not my concern. And my money is my money. The adult children are aware of this. We never have to argue or discuss money. My adult step children, who I love dearly were in my will. However, weddings, house extension, new car etc fell into their lives. So I paid them all equally a significant amount. And now they are out of my will and they are aware of this. I see so many issues on here with who pays what and who earns what. I have told a few friends about this and they don't get it. But it works for me and stops a lot of agro. If one works and one is a full time mom, I can see sharing works. But am I wrong in thinking that that if a couple can equally share the work load (work and family chores) that keeping it separate works better?

ConfusedSloth · 26/06/2025 21:51

Another vote for YABU I'm afraid.

He has four children. Each should get 1/4 of his wealth.
You have two children. Each should get 1/2 of your wealth.

Instead, he has four children but only two are getting anything. You have two children but are giving inheritance to four (but the eldest two - his - got their "inheritance" while you're still alive for their weddings, etc).

Each to their own and I'm glad it works for you but I'd be extremely upset if I were one of your children. If my dad made clear he prefers my half-siblings and my mum made clear she loves me equally as much as she loves someone who isn't her child, I'd feel pretty unloved all around.

SunshineDeLaSoul · 26/06/2025 21:51

Your poor kids are missing out, let’s hope they understand why he cut them out when they’re older.

Gingerbreadman1972 · 26/06/2025 21:51

I am not sure how well him not leaving all his children something in his will will work out in practice even if it makes logical sense.

Do your joint children know they will receive nothing from their Father. A lot of people see inheritence not just as money, but as love and how they were valued by the deceased. Its not the fault of your joint children if you are wealthier than your step children's mother.

And that's before you consider the difference in timings. Your children may wait significantly longer to inherit anything compared to their step siblings.

Lmnop22 · 26/06/2025 21:59

Luckymum20 · 26/06/2025 21:43

@Lmnop22 my assets are significantly greater. So it seems fairer that he shares with his three oldest and I can take care of the younger two. The eldest three have no rights over my assets. Everyone benefits from this arrangement.

It seems unfair for him to split his pot five ways when the younger two are set up for life with my assets.

It’s not really about how much they get but the bad feeling it might cause that he didn’t value two of his children as highly as the other two.

Say he goes first and they get nothing… And then you require significant care in your old age and all your fortune is frittered away on care home fees etc - then what?

notatinydancer · 26/06/2025 22:02

Inheritances are not guaranteed though.

greengreyblue · 26/06/2025 22:02

Why is he leaving g his chn with you out of his will? That’s not normal.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 26/06/2025 22:05

Yes, it's strange and most people wouldn't be happy with this set up. But you are so I'm not sure what the point of the thread is.

Nopersbro · 26/06/2025 22:10

Is he for some reason excluding his two youngest children from the will because they are minors, and planning to update it later on? This seems a bit reckless; if he's worried that they're not mature enough to handle an inheritance responsibly he should set up trusts for them payable on their 18th birthdays (or later, if he prefers). If he doesn't want you to have even indirect access to the trusts, he could make another relative or close family friend the trustee, or designate a professional.

If he's genuinely leaving his money to his two older children and leaving the two younger ones out, he sounds horrible and as the other parent of the two younger ones I'd be furious on their behalf. You can't force him to divide the funds fairly, but I'd be making sure he knows the damage he is doing by playing favorites.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 26/06/2025 22:10

The only unreasonable thing here is that you have bothered us all with it. Yeah, yeah you’re rich and your kids are all probably financially secure. Who cares?

Angels1111 · 26/06/2025 22:13

If it works it works. The bit that concerns me is you writing:

We have never shared finances. His wealth, pension etc goes to HIS children. Everything I have will go to MY children.

Aren't they his children too?

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 26/06/2025 22:42

So you started a thread to show us

a) how incredibly wealthy you are.

b) how incredibly wealthy your children will be when you’re dead.

c) how you’ve given a huge amount of money away to your step children.

d) how there are two children here whose dad has not bothered to add them to his will. But if you are both happy for them to carry that rejection through life, then that’s okay I suppose.

e) and, what else? That’s it?

EnjoythemoneyJane · 26/06/2025 22:45

“I see so many issues on here with who pays what and who earns what.”

You’d probably find there were fewer threads about it if everyone else and their DH’s had high salaries, massive pensions, extensive assets, and large inheritances (which in themselves suggest generational wealth), and all their kids were set for life with ‘no need to work’.

When you’ve got cash coming out the wazoo, there’s a lot less need to haggle or stress over it. So yeah, I can see why other people’s money malarkey must be baffling to you.

Eldermileniummam · 26/06/2025 23:11

I agree with you OP and people seem to find it odd when husband and wife have separate accounts

Original poster

Luckymum20 · 27/06/2025 08:03

The way this works for us is that the eldest three will benefit more financially if he gives all he has to them. It's better for my husband and better for the three eldest.

The younger two will get far more from me. I feel it is unfair of me to ask him to share his smaller pot with all five when the younger two will share my pot as well!

Yes the eldest three know this arrangement and they are more than happy with it. The younger two are too young to have this explained to them. But the younger two already have more in investments and savings than the elder three will inherit.

Surly this is the fairest way?

I do not think for one moment that the younger two will at all feel any resentment at all. We are a. Incredibly close family. All children are close despite the massive age differences. In fact we are so close that the ex-wife is invited to significant events in my children's lives. Christenings, birthdays, Christmas events.

Everyone benefits more this way. Especially the elder three!

OP posts:

Original poster

Luckymum20 · 27/06/2025 08:07

@ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself if you knew me you would know none of this is true. I do now show my wealth. My friends do not know if it. I drive a 14 year old car, work full time, and work for several charities. I do not flaunt it at all! Quite the opposite. I am very humble. I had to reveal these fact in the contact of my post.

OP posts:

NamelessNancy · 27/06/2025 08:37

EnjoythemoneyJane · 26/06/2025 22:45

“I see so many issues on here with who pays what and who earns what.”

You’d probably find there were fewer threads about it if everyone else and their DH’s had high salaries, massive pensions, extensive assets, and large inheritances (which in themselves suggest generational wealth), and all their kids were set for life with ‘no need to work’.

When you’ve got cash coming out the wazoo, there’s a lot less need to haggle or stress over it. So yeah, I can see why other people’s money malarkey must be baffling to you.

Think this nails it tbh.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 27/06/2025 10:48

Luckymum20 · 27/06/2025 08:07

@ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself if you knew me you would know none of this is true. I do now show my wealth. My friends do not know if it. I drive a 14 year old car, work full time, and work for several charities. I do not flaunt it at all! Quite the opposite. I am very humble. I had to reveal these fact in the contact of my post.

If you read my post again you will see everything I said is true.

You say ‘I do not show my wealth’. Never said you did.

You say ‘I don’t flaunt it’. Never said you did.

You say ‘I am very humble’. The only response I have for that is ‘bless you’.

Fact remains, there are two children out there who are not inheriting anything from their dad because their half siblings are getting it all. If that sits okay with you both then crack on. They’re your children 🤷‍♀️.

Why did you start this thread though? It’s just ‘this is how I do things and that’s final’. So what do you want out of it?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 27/06/2025 15:36

Luckymum20 · 27/06/2025 08:03

The way this works for us is that the eldest three will benefit more financially if he gives all he has to them. It's better for my husband and better for the three eldest.

The younger two will get far more from me. I feel it is unfair of me to ask him to share his smaller pot with all five when the younger two will share my pot as well!

Yes the eldest three know this arrangement and they are more than happy with it. The younger two are too young to have this explained to them. But the younger two already have more in investments and savings than the elder three will inherit.

Surly this is the fairest way?

I do not think for one moment that the younger two will at all feel any resentment at all. We are a. Incredibly close family. All children are close despite the massive age differences. In fact we are so close that the ex-wife is invited to significant events in my children's lives. Christenings, birthdays, Christmas events.

Everyone benefits more this way. Especially the elder three!

Do the elder 3 not have a mum or anyone on their side that they will inherit from?

Original poster

Luckymum20 · 27/06/2025 20:45

@ToKittyornottoKitty yes they do.

OP posts:

ToKittyornottoKitty · 27/06/2025 20:50

Luckymum20 · 27/06/2025 20:45

@ToKittyornottoKitty yes they do.

So how does that fit into your logic? His older kids inherit from their mums side and their dads side, his younger kids only inherit from their mums side… how is that fair?

Also life isn’t all about money, if my dad didn’t leave anything to me but did to his first set of favourite kids I’d be upset because it’s a shitty thing to do. And of course he may not be deliberately playing favourites, but you can’t control how your children feel in the future.

Lmnop22 · 27/06/2025 23:14

Surely the older kids will get something from their mum too when the time comes.

It should be disproportionate really - if the older ones have one wealthy parent but the younger ones have two, they will and should inherit more. They can decide to gift some of their inheritance to their siblings or give them a larger share if they want to when the time comes but the choice should be theirs!

To only give your assets to half your children because you assume the others will inherit elsewhere just seems so odd to me!

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 27/06/2025 23:27

Luckymum20 · 27/06/2025 08:03

The way this works for us is that the eldest three will benefit more financially if he gives all he has to them. It's better for my husband and better for the three eldest.

The younger two will get far more from me. I feel it is unfair of me to ask him to share his smaller pot with all five when the younger two will share my pot as well!

Yes the eldest three know this arrangement and they are more than happy with it. The younger two are too young to have this explained to them. But the younger two already have more in investments and savings than the elder three will inherit.

Surly this is the fairest way?

I do not think for one moment that the younger two will at all feel any resentment at all. We are a. Incredibly close family. All children are close despite the massive age differences. In fact we are so close that the ex-wife is invited to significant events in my children's lives. Christenings, birthdays, Christmas events.

Everyone benefits more this way. Especially the elder three!

You seem to think you have it all sorted, it’s the best arrangement for everyone and all are happy. So what’s the issue, who cares what anyone else thinks? (I personally find it a little strange albeit I can see your reasoning, but my opinion doesn’t matter). I don’t understand why you’re posting.