To feel like this after stressful event

[Practicallymagic6]

I have just been through quite a stressful time. I am 18 weeks pregnant with DC2 and it had been thought for a few weeks that the baby potentially had a genetic disorder that would mean I needed to TFMR. We have been waiting 10 days for test results and it has been the worst and longest wait of my life. I haven’t slept properly or thought about much else for so long.

Yesterday I got a call with the all clear that baby is fine. Yesterday I was so relieved and happy but today I’ve been bursting into tears, feel very low and tired.

DH and my family don’t understand why I’m like this and I don’t understand it either. Obviously I’m extremely happy. My mum has been to see me today with lots of bits she has bought for the baby and has called me ungrateful as they just made me cry.

AIBU here? Why do I feel like this? Is it normal?

Your husband and mother sound extremely unfeeling to not understand that your emotions must be all over the place after such an upsetting few weeks.

You'd think your mum would be more understanding of the emotional and hormonal roller coaster that is pregnancy, even without going through your recent stress since she's a mum herself.

Why do you think I feel like this? I honestly think there is something wrong with me!

There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s a very normal reaction to a period of intense stress and worry followed by a release. You are tired and coping with the usual pregnancy hormones as well as the ups and downs of the stress around the tests and the wait for the results.

it’s very disappointing of your DH not to understand and even more so for you mum not to understand your emotions. Calling you ungrateful is awful.

When I was pregnant (after IVF and losses) my MIL was so dismissive of how anxious I was. She literally rolled her eyes when I was nervous about the 20 week scan. Unfortunately some people have no concept of sensitivity or understanding another person's feelings.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, but everything wrong with your mum calling you ungrateful. Fuck that, how rude and insensitive of her.

Congratulations OP, give yourself time and space to process by holding off on visitors and focusing on you and your DC.

You feel like this because being pregnant and feeling like you need to come to terms with terminating your very much wanted pregnancy is a total emotional rollercoaster and it doesn’t just turn off like a tap because the news was good!!

Thank you, I think everyone is expecting me to just move on now and be happy but it’s really affected me. I can’t stop thinking about other babies who haven’t made it which sounds ridiculous.

Its really normal and I would hope the people around you would be more understanding - I would guess they are also struggling and bit and not at their best. So glad for you. Dont worry, you will feel better soon, just let it out and do what you have to do.

Completely understandable. My DC had to be rushed to hospital as a toddler and kept in overnight. When we were discharged I remember coming home and literally needing to go to bed for a while, mid-afternoon.

I now think the best thing to do after any big shock or big relief is actually to go to bed for a bit. You are inevitably going to react, so it is better to react in private. Plus sleep helps the brain to process things.

That’s not ridiculous at all, I have been so lucky to have two successful pregnancies but I’ve watched friends go through such awful traumas and (once you have children or are pregnant even more so) you empathise so much with them and feel their pain.

You feel how you do because you’re a lovely person and you’ll clearly make a fab mum so don’t listen to DH or DM because you’ll worry about this baby for the rest of his/her life no matter what anyone else says!

As well as coming to terms with the fact I may lose my baby I’ve also found it difficult to think about the actual process and what that involves, which my DH had not given much though, so it feels like I’ve had a bigger burden to carry maybe.

Sending you a big hug - you have had a real time of it, you poor thing.