To be annoyed that my manager called me “quiet” in a team meeting?

[ThatDeepGoose]

During a team meeting, my manager randomly said I’m “always quiet in team meetings.” I found it a bit irritating - anyone who actually knows me knows I’m not quiet. I do contribute, I speak up when needed, and I listen when others are speaking. I just don’t talk for the sake of it.

I’m senior, have held multiple leadership roles, and it’s never impacted my performance or progression. Another colleague even chimed in and said “she’s not quiet, she’s just calm.”

AIBU to think there’s a bias in workplaces where being more measured or observant gets read as passive, disengaged, or lacking presence - when actually, it’s just a different (and valid) style of leadership?

Your manager shouldn't have said that in a team meeting. If he has an issue, it should be raised in a 121 situation where you're given a chance to discuss. I'd have been livid, tbh!

That wouldn't bother me at all. I'd just tell him that I only speak when necessary, and don't waste time yapping.

I would be very unhappy with such a public inaccurate criticism in public.
So unprofessional of them.

I would ask for very specific feedback as to exactly what was meant by it, and what exact "always" meant, and what contribution they looking for that you failed to provide on these occasions?

You could send a copy to HR and ask for it to be noted on in your file as you are unhappy with this unwarranted public criticism.

"I'm listening to the empty vessels."

Surely it's not clear it's a criticism? It's this manager's impression.

Interesting to see the bias from first two replies that assumed boss was a man.

I don't think the OP believes "always quite in team meetings" is a positive thing to have been told, particularly the world "always".

Perfectly reasonable to ask for clarification on the statement that was made in front of everyone and ask for examples.

A good manager wouldn't dream of making such an ambiguous sweeping statement in a team meeting IMO.

Youve taken it as a criticism, but really it's jist that person's perception, you could have explained why you might appear quiet?

Maybe your manager should have asked if you are always so sensitive in the meeting instead 🙄

This wouldn’t have even registered if it had been said to me. But it struck a chord with you.

On to your question :

AIBU to think there’s a bias in workplaces where being more measured or observant gets read as passive, disengaged, or lacking presence - when actually, it’s just a different (and valid) style of leadership?

There can be a bias, but that’s down to the culture and the individuals involved.

As you’ve also said this:

I’m senior, have held multiple leadership roles, and it’s never impacted my performance or progression.

It doesn’t appear that a bias has affected you.

It's unprofessional to make personal remarks in a team meeting. I also assume the boss is a man. Just the kind of thing a man would say IMHO.

Your colleague was unprofessional to call you quiet. That implies it's a bad thing.

...... I like the second colleague's reply - that you are calm.