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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to hear gossip about my brother from DH & BIL?

7 replies

Backtoworktmrw · 26/06/2025 14:44

My brother moved in with us after leaving rehab in January he managed to get a job and just moved out a week and a half ago. He had a few relapses on payday which is his trigger. But he always comes home ready for work the next morning.He’s trying his best to work on it but it’s hard.

BIL works next door to my brother so my brother will pop in on the morning for some breakfast and BIL usually serves him. I will just add here that BIL is a difficult individual has a lot of his own issues and has caused many dramas between me and DH before so I am very careful with listening to him as I know he over exaggerates as he loves a bit of drama.

According to BIL my brother went in to his workplace of his face bouncing all over the place and dribbling from his mouth. My brother denies it he gets up for work at 4:30 every morning so definitely would not be doing drugs at that time. In all fairness my brother is very open with me and would just say if he did.

DH has gone back to BIL and said that my brother said it’s rubbish and if it was true he would have been sent home from work. BIL has now said that other members of staff were commenting on his behaviour not only him which I find strange as why wouldn’t he mention this in the first instance.

Anyhow regardless of all this I tell DH not to tell me anything as quite frankly I don’t want to listen to it. Whatever my brother chooses to do with his life is up to him I don’t need people feeding back to me all the time. It’s stressful and upsetting.

Even after me telling DH not to inform me of anything else he continues to do so. It’s causing so much arguments and feels like everyone is getting involved in my brother’s recovery.

My brother feels like he can’t even go in there now without some sort of backlash.

AIBU asking DH & BIL to mind there business and leave it be? I don’t want to know.

OP posts:
murasaki · 26/06/2025 15:18

Yanbu. I can't see how they think they are helping here.

Vaxtable · 26/06/2025 15:25

Every time DH starts I would say I am not interested and move away. He will soon get the hint

Picniclike · 26/06/2025 15:31

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Picniclike · 26/06/2025 15:33

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Picniclike · 26/06/2025 15:35

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ExtraOnions · 26/06/2025 16:26

His rehab has been unsuccessful. He needs to go back. Yea, relapse is part of recovery, but only if you learn from it, which your brother is not doing.

My sibling was a Heroin Addict, so have been through this.

They are telling you 1) to protect you, as Addicts are, by nature, selfish liars; 2) to ensure you are informed, before the inevitable spiral / possible OD, and 3) to stop you being taken advantage of.

He’s not in recovery, he’s in active addiction.

SummeringOut · 26/06/2025 17:12

ExtraOnions · 26/06/2025 16:26

His rehab has been unsuccessful. He needs to go back. Yea, relapse is part of recovery, but only if you learn from it, which your brother is not doing.

My sibling was a Heroin Addict, so have been through this.

They are telling you 1) to protect you, as Addicts are, by nature, selfish liars; 2) to ensure you are informed, before the inevitable spiral / possible OD, and 3) to stop you being taken advantage of.

He’s not in recovery, he’s in active addiction.

That sounds fair to me, though I also understand the OP's disinclination to hear more about it.

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