Will ds benefit more from me taking this job or from me not working for a couple of years? Please help, I don’t know what to do

[Greean]

I’ve been offered a role 8:45am to 4pm Monday to Friday. The take home pay is 4,300.

DS is 2 years 11 months. At the moment my role is more relaxed, I am contracted to start at 9 and finish at 5:30 but I often drop ds at 8:45 and collect at 5.

With the new role I would have to drop him by 8am and then collect at 4:30 due to the commute.

I feel sick at the thought of him going in 5 days rather than 4 and worry that a drop off around 8am will be so tiring for him.

I have asked for reduced days but they will not consider this.

I have so many mixed views, people saying financial support is great, others saying kids don’t care about money and it’s the time that matters.

We have a decent income generally as DP’s income covers all expenditure but obviously an extra 4K plus a month would mean more holidays and savings for ds. I enjoy work but this feeling that I am being selfish and doing it for money that isn’t strictly needed is making me feel so uncertain. What would you do? Will I regret not quitting work entirely?

Sorry - the new role pays £4k more than the previous one p/month? Is that right?

What is your current take home? Is the new job significantly more?

Yes what is the take home difference between this and your current job?

The hours sound fine (my kids were always early wakers anyway!) but the step up from 4 to 5 days may be hard, possibly more on you than on him.

In my experience - I'm a single parent to twins and have always had to work - the time when you really need flexibility and reduced hours is when they start school. And primary school age was when mine (now teenagers) most wanted me to be available to pick up, drop off, attend plays/assemblies etc.
So if this is a long term job move I wouldn't do it as it will make things very difficult once he goes to school. If this is a good job for a couple of years and would enable you to earn well/save then I would do it and then find something more flexible when he starts school.

Oh hang on you are weighing up new role vs SAHM?

Is staying in your current role not an option?

@JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch no the current role pays 3k a month and was a temporary contact so it ends soon.

Sorry - new role pays over 1k more after tax and has a good bonus structure.

Current role ends in 3 weeks as it was a contract for 1 year.

This is my personal opinion: do not quit work. If this new job means additional income (once you’ve accounted for the extra day of childcare), for the sake of that one day, I’d say take it.
I don’t think 8am - 4:30pm is unreasonable for a rising 3yo, particularly if you will be collecting at the end of the day and doing the post-nursery routine.
Use the extra money to save, but also outsource everything you can (cleaner, housekeeper??, easy meal prep, etc) so that weekends are quality time with DS.
And as a PP said, by the time he starts school, you may be able to request more flexibility.
But you are investing in both your and his futures by continuing to work now.

That is clearer , ta. In that case the choice is between unemployment (while looking for a pt role), or this role. I’d take this role. If it isn’t a good fit or the hours are too much you can look elsewhere.

Are you a solo parent? If not, can your partner take on some combination of drop offs and pickups?

You’re being daft. Using childcare is what millions of working parents do every day.

Take it.

Your child is already used to nursery. £1k extra a month isn’t to be sniffed at.

I'd do all I could to be there as much as possible until he goes to school and let him have that totally unstructured free time.

@Greean

Have you seen this thread?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5361443-to-think-getting-a-job-is-impossible-for-some?page=1

I posted in this one from the perspective of a hiring manager but it’s a very good illustration of the reality of leaving the workforce. Obviously your circumstances are not necessarily the same as the OP of this one. But it’s a good thing to keep in mind. If you do decide to give up work for awhile I do have some suggestions.

In case you aren’t interested in reading it I’ll just put this here.

Think really hard about this with both your heart and mind. Guilt is rarely a good reason to make a choice that will affect the rest of your life.

I would take the job now in the hope of them being more flexible at some point and especially if you are still there in 2 years’ time.

As a pp says, flexibility when they start school is really valuable and you often need to be in a job a while to earn that flexibility.

You can also take this job but keep looking around for something that will allow reduced days and/or more flexibility.

I wouldn’t stop work at this point unless you are really desperate to spend the time looking after your DC (bear in mind 5 days solo with a toddler is a LOT, I couldn’t do it!) and you are confident you could get back into work later.

Take the job. £4k a month instead of not working is a great mount. You can use it to secure DSs future financially and give him opportunities.

OP your dc will adapt. Mine goes 4 days a week but 7:45am - 5:30pm. He’s tired when he gets home but it is what it is and we are saving for his future and will be able to give him a fantastic childhood with our joint income. He also loves it there and has lots of little friends.

they do have plenty of unstructured play time at nursery btw for PP who mentioned the need for that!

I’m so sorry to derail but I completely misread this as ‘early wankers’ and it made me laugh

Is your Dh around during the week or does everything fall on you? If he’s around and you like the job then definitely take it.

My Dd was in a similar position of being offered 4 days, when she only wanted to work 3. Her DH is away for most of the week so I will be honest and say it was really hard. However she took the job and a year later she transferred to another job which is 3 days a week. I’ve always encouraged my DDs to keep working as I think it’s really important for mental health, career etc.

In your situation I would definitely take the job.

Take the job, OP. Ours did 3 days a week in preschool until he was 2, we upped it to 4 days after that and then 4 and a half days when he was three. 5 full days at school then wasn’t a huge adjustment.

As PP said you can use the extra money to outsource - a cleaner or whatever you need to save time on the weekend. You can save for the remaining time he is in nursery, see where the land lies for more flexibility when he is in school and if it’s not forthcoming, you’ll have savings to rely on if you need them while looking for other employment etc

Haven't you posted about this before?

Based on this its a no brainer - take the role or you'll be 3k a month less? The times of drop off/pick up don't make his day much longer. Mine have always been dropped off about 8 and picked up later. 5 days is a shame but it won't be long until he's at school 5 days anyway

😆 Early wankers is about right for babies that wake up at 5 bloody am

I don't know. You've said nothing about what the job actually is and whether it is a career path you'd like to get into, or a sector that would offer security. Is its only advantage the money? How likely is it that you could pick up another temporary contract instead in that case?

this job would give you 50 grand a year after tax! That’s a great wage. Not to be sniffed at. Take it. You can always keep looking for a more part time role.

😂😂 agreed!