To think people tell the truth when the final moment comes?

[ForAzureFish]

I’ve noticed that when things are really ending, relationships, jobs, friendships or even someone’s life, that’s when people suddenly say what they’ve really felt all along. Whether it’s love, resentment, guilt or regret, it all seems to pour out at the end, when there’s no point keeping up a façade. AIBU to think most of us hide the truth until we think it’s our last chance to speak it?

I think that phrase comes more from reflection and regret, than actually knowing. You don’t fall out of love, or respect for a friendship because someone has mistreated you one time. You push because you love, because you want to see change and you’re willing to work on it. When ultimately you get pushed too far, the realisation comes that you knew you were unhappy all those years ago, but it was an accumulation of things and circumstances that led you to end it.

No, I think sometimes people say really mean things at the end to punish. Or they say what they have been saying all along and the other person finally listens. Or they do say what they really think and feel because there is nothing stopping them. Or they never say what they really think. Or something else happens.
I don't think there is a helpful generalisation here.

Certainly not in my experience. I think it can be comforting to think this though, if someone has long been horrible to you and then is suddenly all rainbows and unicorns on their deathbed. I don’t think the horribleness was NOT how they really felt, but it achieved a purpose and got them what they wanted. Just like being kind and loving might at a different juncture.

For people who have spent their lives living in shame and secrecy and painting an outer facade that is very different to their inner world, I think there is a lot of motivation to take that to the grave, so to speak, to save face, to get the last little twist of the knife.

I think that’s too much of a generalisation. Some people are never able to see the impact of their actions on another person, probably because they just don’t care enough. So no words will make a difference. That’s probably why they don’t bother.