My ex and I had a very bad relationship. Lots of control, violence, financial issues, terrible rows, police were called on a couple of occasions. It was all very grim and left me with a lot of emotional issues. We split up when our ds was just a few months old because I realised that I couldn’t have him brought up around such hostility.
The first few years were hard. Ex had numerous homes and girlfriends. We argued a lot over contact and parenting. However he did settle when ds was about 5, remarried a woman I get on with very well and now has two other dc. I also remarried and had a dc. Throughout it all I have to say my ex has consistently seen ds EOW plus one night a week, paid maintenance and done his fair share. He has mellowed a lot and we generally get on very well, our other kids even sometimes play together. I would say ex has improved as he’s aged.
Ds is 14 now and has a good relationship with his dad, stepmum and younger siblings. However I’m aware that every now and then his dad’s temper will rear its head again. There have been a handful of incidents over the years where he has lost his rag with ds and shouted, sworn and behaved aggressively (not physically hurt him but been intimidating). The last time this happened ds wanted to come home and then didn’t see or speak to him for two weeks. I’m also fairly sure he can at times be pretty vile to his wife.
They have an abroad holiday booked for this summer and even now the anxiety of letting ds go off with him so far away plays on my mind. What if there’s an incident while they’re away? Ds has learnt he can’t get away with certain behaviour with his dad but I also know holidays can be stressful for all and I don’t want him miles away feeling scared and intimidated.
It’s very hard as like I say, the majority of the time things are fine. It’s just this side of ex that flips out every so often and reminds me of what a colossal abusive prick he was all those years ago. I can’t stop him going and ds wants to go. But can anyone give me any tips on managing my anxiety over it? I’m already worried and it’s not happening until August.