AIBU To complain to the school?

[ChippyTraybake]

Ok so bit of a long one, apologies.

pretext is, my DS is 12 at the end of year 7. He has high functioning ASD which mainly affects his anxiety he has in social settings, and he is a big worrier about certain things, other than that he gets on great. One big issue he has is that he is deftly afraid of public toilets and will do anything and everything to avoid them, including limiting food and water at school (I’m aware this is a big issue and we’ve got counselling for it). For him it’s a privacy thing and insecurity.

He had a school all-day trip to another city recently, he said he enjoyed it overall but he got upset over the fact that the teachers kept getting angry that every time they stopped for a big toilet break, my DS wouldn’t go with the other boys and instead would be the only one stood outside. He then said he genuinely didn’t need to go anyway (strong bladder) but the last place they went to before they got back on the bus, one teacher forced him (as in he had no choice) to go to a urinal with him along with everyone else to try for a wee which he feels humiliated by. Now I know the whole point of a urinal is that you go in front of others and don’t look at each other, and that the teacher no doubt meant well, but I feel like it could have been handled better. They treat him like a baby at school because he is a bit socially awkward, but he is mentally mature and independent.

I know my son has insecurities, and that that’s a whole issue I’m trying to work to help him with. Dad isn’t around so I don’t know the whole dynamic or ettiequte of male toilets.

Can he use a disabled loo or is it any public loo at all that's the problem?

Any public loo at all sadly. One time we went for a walk in rural prt of where I live, he needed to go and there were toilets with nobody in them and I said I’d keep watch outside, even that was a lot for him

Could you get him a radar key (around £5 on Amazon) so he can use the disabled toilets?

one teacher forced him (as in he had no choice) to go to a urinal with him along with everyone else

This is completely unacceptable and must be reported to the school's senior leadership.

The teacher's behaviour is really inappropriate.

Sorting out your DS's issues is important but school forcing him will make things worse, not better.

A month ago I was chaperoning on a production with around a dozen 11yos.
The first couple of days we told the children to go to the toilet before heading down to location.
The third day we had a new chaperone who asked them if they wanted to go.

In the hour we were down there I had three toilet runs (about 5 minutes up hill to the toilet) with children who were desperate (and now in awkward costumes so rocketing was harder).

We reverted to telling them they would go.
We had no toilet runs except on that day.

“They treat him like a baby at school because he is a bit socially awkward, but he is mentally mature and independent.” > this is an issue I relate to. Sen kids aren’t babies but they are often treated this way and Sencos don’t always understand which is staggering given the job they do. Or they do understand but leadership doesn’t join up with them. I’d get the tummy cramps checked as sounds related.