Husband met work colleague without letting me know

[GreenFatball]

I’m at a loss… my husband has been having a mid life crisis which I don’t believe was an actual thing till he started. Very distant just asking for space to sort out what he wanted, we’ve been together 30 years so I think he’s after passion and excitement where I’m just content.there’s been no friction just living as normal with the knowledge something not right Anyway he came home from work a couple of hours later than usual didn’t ring waltzed in and said I’ve been helping Claire do some work and drinking beer in my office as if I should have known and not worried. Then he went to do some chores on Saturday due back at 12.00 text at 1.15 I’ve gone to pub be back soon then turned up at 6.30 and stated he had met Claire for coffee because she was upset (so like 5 hours) and he didn’t tell me because he knew how I’d react. He said it’s as simple as that they not having an affair he likes her a lot and they good friends. I just can’t get past the time they sat chatting whilst I was as home waiting I’m obviously jealous and insecure because of his distance recently but he’s basically said so what do you want to do? I have spoken to him I just wish he had apologised or shown some regret of going because of how it’s made me feel I still have a knot 5 days on … should I just try and let it go? and if so how … I’m so angry

I mean, It's such a cliche. He backs off from your relationship and then suddenly this woman appears on the scene... he needs space to figure out if it's got legs with her before he leaves behind all his domestic comforts.

I'm sorry OP, you probably don't want to do anything because you feel like you might blow up your marriage for nothing but I agree with @theunbreakablecleopatrajones

What he wants you to do is kick off and give an ultimatum so he can go running off woth her whilst keeping his hands clean to play the victim.

Sorry OP. Clear as day. I know that doesn't help you but I hope it gives you clarity.

I’m afraid they’re already having an affair, and it’s just a question of timing when he’s ready to tell you ☹️

Men don’t ask for ‘space’ unless their head has already been turned.

What a tedious cliché!

Yes, it's often Dave. Men go to pubs with Dave, stay working late with Dave, help Dave with some chores, play football with Dave, or give Dave a lift home.

It's just much less likely that anyone worries about the Dave friendship as it is much less likely that the Dave friendship will become a romantic relationship.

.

Yes, he’s absolutely making a mockery of you.

I would try to aim for bemused contempt. If he wants space he can have that from a bedsit down the road. It concentrates the mind.

He wants the space of living like a single man, except when he wants the services of a wifey from home to cook clean and service him.

He has no respect for you or your marriage and he needs to know that you see that, clearly.

@Totallyaddictedtoshoes I'm so sorry that happened to you, I really hope you're healing now.
Unfortunately OP, I don't think this sounds good. Get your affairs in order,

Talk to him and say- maybe you are not sleeping with Claire, but I'm not convinced,but even if you aren't but you are sharing your life with her and not with me what is going on and why?

It’s such classic, cliched bullshit. It is NEVER 65 yr old Beryl from accounts, or Dave, the IT chap that they are “helping” is it? It’s always some much younger, usually single woman. Do they actually believe this shite they spout?
He is very much out of line op, as you well know. What to do about it? If he wants to carry on “helping” said colleague, he can do it from a different address. Because no actually, you won’t sit around, twiddling your bloody thumbs whilst he conducts his…affair/attempt to have an affair/behaves like an inconsiderate twat.

The last time I sat in the pub on a Saturday drinking and chatting for 5 hours with a man…… it was a fantastic date with my husband! That sounds like a lot of chemistry.