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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dilemma with Mother in law going through divorce - Need opinions!

17 replies

Motherof1and2dogs · 25/06/2025 21:51

I am going to try and keep this as short as I can but with much detail as I can but might be quite difficult as there’s a lot to mention. I am really stuck on what to do with this situation and I thought I would see what others say and their opinions.

So me and my husband live in a 3 bedroom cottage, it’s not massive and quite a squeeze as it is but we also have our 2.5 year old, 2 dogs and I am currently 37 weeks pregnant so due any day now!
She is going through a divorce with an awful man who is causing damage to his own property, hiding things and calling the police to say it’s her stealing/ damaging the property etc. Her solicitor has advised she move out asap and cut all ties (not sure how this would be possible as they are trying to sell their house) but this way he can no longer accuse her and get her into trouble.

Here is the issue I have… His mum has a lot of money, the house is up for sale for 1.6 million, she has 3 Airbnb properties and a very well paid job, so my response is can she not rent temporarily, stay in one of her air bnbs or stay with another family member. The craziest part about this, she’s already met another man and has just been on holiday with him since, they have already been round our house for dinner together, this all happened only 3 weeks after she filed for divorce so it’s all happened so quickly. But he also minted, has a huge house, driving around in a Maserati and has about 3 other nice cars, but has 3 older children so has said it is too soon for her to move in. We did tell her she needs time on her own as she’s jumped from relationship to relationship and needs to focus on herself but didn’t listen (this is her third divorce). Also the ex husband she is divorcing caused a lot of problems with the family, she always took his side, it even resulted in me and my husband (her eldest son) to never be able to go round there again due to his manipulation and lies. She has missed out on 2 years of her grandsons life, he has never stayed there because of him and she allowed that to happen. Her middle son also ended up moving out due to the ex husbands ways.
It’s very frustrating when we all told her “we told you so”. But my biggest issue is that we have never ever had any help from his mum whatsoever, nothing. They would always go on family holidays together and not invite my husband (her son) and me, I worked for her for 2 years and she treated me very poorly as an employee even though I am her daughter in law, she’s never helped us financially, she has so much money and we have always struggled so much, even when we asked for help we got told ‘No’, never helped with child care, never believed my husbands side of the story and always took the ex husbands side (it’s only until now that she knows my husband was telling the truth) and I just think why should we help someone that has never ever helped us. I get it’s his Mum, I get she’s family but I just feel like we are being used, she’s got other options, she probably only wants to stay ours to be closer to her new boyfriend as he only lives 15 minutes away from us, he even turned up the other day when she stayed one night unexpectedly and she hadn’t even asked if he could come over, he just sort of walked straight in! I just think it’s a piss take, I don’t need the drama and stress when I’m so heavily pregnant and I certainly do not want her here when baby arrives, we just don’t have the room and I just feel she doesn’t deserve our help.

What would you do in this situation, would you help? Timing is terrible, if I wasn’t pregnant I probably would just say yes, but unfortunately our baby is literally weeks, if not days away from being born!

I could go on and on about so much more but I’m just trying to cover the important parts. If anyone has any questions please ask! I’ll do my best to respond.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 25/06/2025 21:58

Your husband is going to have to lay down the law. She cannot stay. Doing so will harm your relationship.

You don't have room and you're soon to deliver. You could be collateral damage if the husband becomes violent on your property.

It's not like she doesn't have a place to go. She's using you and making you uncomfortable in your own home right before you give birth. Time to set her straight.

Justchillinhere · 25/06/2025 22:07

I would tell DH , you know there's no room at the Inn, she needs to take responsibility for finding her own accommodation. How can anyone just stay unexpectedly? You need to tell him it's a firm No. and you DH need to ensure she understands that.

Anxioustealady · 25/06/2025 22:12

It's so important that you feel comfortable and relaxed before going into labour. It's not like she has no other option, so I think you are absolutely right to say no. What does your husband think?

Poynsettia · 25/06/2025 22:12

The fact the baby is due is a great excuse -sorry dmil but you can’t stay here

susanandlucypevensie · 25/06/2025 22:14

Get your DH to tell her no. Absolutely not. I might say that maybe you should help if it will mean she is homeless otherwise, but a woman who has options who's never done a thing for you, even when you've asked?
Piss right off. I imagine she probably thinks her B&Bs are beneath her, but tough shit.

She sounds awful, and so entitled, a princess used to getting her own way and never being told no. This might do her good.

Givenupshopping · 25/06/2025 22:18

I'd be tempted to remind her of the times you've asked her for help and she's refused OP! There's no way I'd house her, for ANY reason, she's clearly wealthy enough to look after herself, so let her get on with it.

Lyra87 · 25/06/2025 22:19

Absolutely no way would I let her stay, not when she has plenty of alternatives. Last thing you'll need when post partum and adjusting to being a family of 4 is your mil who won't be of any help/support staying with you and inviting her bf over. Your DH should be saying this to her and if he won't then don't feel guilty if you have to say it.

Tagyoureit · 25/06/2025 22:23

She's in a fortunate position to rent having 3 properties and a job so its a hard no and repeat.

Codlingmoths · 25/06/2025 22:25

Nope. You need to protect yourself from this.

Lavenderandbrown · 25/06/2025 22:27

It seems very complicated to me..the sale of A very expensive house possibly with limited customer base, an abusive husband, an acrimonious divorce in the works and a boyfriend already??? Welcome her for dinner or visits but not to live with you. She’s volatile the situation is volatile (imo) and you will have a newborn very very soon. She finds alternate housing and it is not with you or DH. Your cozy bungalow is for you DH and DC but MIL is welcome to visit. It is not for her to host at…meaning new boyfriend. Simply state these very basic boundaries clearly. This needs handled by DH asap becuse you OP need to be well rested for your birth and newborn

Mintsj · 25/06/2025 22:29

She's a fucking pisstaker wanting to impose on you when she's got 3 airbnbs.

Endofyear · 25/06/2025 22:39

What is your husband doing? Why isn't he just telling her no way can she stay with you? It seems simple and straightforward to me.

Lemondrizzlesquash7 · 25/06/2025 22:48

Feel so stressed for you from just reading this-you need your home comforts right now not the stress of her moving in. She has so many options-her 3 properties or a hotel or a private rent, get your husband to tell her this now so you can get on with enjoying the rest of your pregnancy and looking forward to being a family of 4

nightvisiting · 25/06/2025 22:50

Absolutely not. She can stay in one of her Air B&Bs if she needs to. It doesn't sound like she is short of money. There is no reason for her to stay with you and you need your privacy, especially with a baby coming.

Vaxtable · 25/06/2025 22:54

I would tell her she can’t stay with you, she uses one of her own properties

HeyWiggle · 25/06/2025 23:11

We would love you to visit us for supper often but staying overnight would be too much what with the baby due any moment,

BernardButlersBra · 25/06/2025 23:36

Big fat no. Did the solicitor really advise that?! When l got divorced then l was strongly advised to NOT leave the house. She can rent or go stay with new lover boy

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